WTF!??

So if you missed it, I am a resident of Sacramento, CA. I am also one of the displaced members of the community (until tomorrow), and a single minority mother with a criminal past. Not proud but not ashamed either, it is what it is.

I say that so that you understand where I am and why if you care enough to wonder. I don't want to leave you with assumptions but for several reasons, I have chosen not to really disclose where I am personally in my journey, however, I do feel like this, considering the things I say and the beliefs I share, is not really transparent and maybe kind of like faking the funk.

So for what it is worth, my truth is that I am/was, since December of 2022, homeless, and in May began living in one of the motels that were given grants to house homeless families. How I got here is not so much as relevant as the fact that I am still here. Almost a year later, I am still here.

So here is my issue....

I am a fighter and always have been. I can turn shit to sugar and see the fukn rainbows and butterflies despite the wind and rain. I am not a complainer or a blamer and even in my pain I will get up and dust my knees off and wait till feasible to sit on my pot of pity or take the time to truly hermit up and heal. I am the person who fixes everyone's shit and can give others the map down the yellow brick road.

So for me to not be able to "fix" this and to know what I know and have to fight despite the wrongs, it pisses me off that this is a reality because I know not many have the heart I do and can not fight as hard as I will. Are they wrong? No just different.

What is wrong is the systematic biases and common cultures of segregation that seem to permeate every single public entity to the point of billions of dollars wasted in a schematic illusion to address and remedy a growing issue, homelessness.

Maybe common sense is not really common at all becuase I can't see how the hell someone cannot see that it doesn't take billions to fix this and it is not impossible to fix. Nothing is ever perfect, no it is not. But reduce this grossly, house families, and give those that need them the support and tools necessary to sustain themselves? CAN WE? Fuk yeah, we can.

I am not blaming the government but I am blaming CA. I am blaming the greedy businesses and fake non-profits that are fatting up their salaries and buying company Benz's and claiming to feed the motel residents 3x a day or even provide any type of support and advocacy that is actually mandated.

I blame the homeless programs and biased and lazy staff for creating their own rules and enforcing regulations that bar and ban eligible minorities from support. I blame the navigators who sit around in cars reading papers afraid to engage the community and I blame the judges who allowed unethical landlords to loophole the CARES ACT and evict families for unethical reasons while still collecting the emergency funding that could have gone to house the displaced.

I blame SHRA and its contracted property managers for enforcing unrealistic criteria of applicants to low-income housing that bar them from rental and I blame the damn oversight entities that aid, enable, and perpetuate the unethical practices of big businesses, management companies, state entities, and nonprofits, and turn a blind eye to minority injustices.

But I also blame us....for not fighting, for accepting, and for not seeing our own value enough to believe we deserve better and more. I blame us for not following the sense of WTF and being nosey enough to validate a wrong. I blame the inherited beliefs that subconsciously keep us believing we are truly inferior and the dying warrior spirit of the ones that were before us.

It is not the new refugees or the Indians or even Asians or Mexicans that are really out here. It is the blacks and a few peppered in whites. It is not only the people you see on the streets in the tents that are out there. There are families, kids, mothers, fathers, and grandparents. There are single moms, pregnant moms, working moms, and working dads. There are people like me who despite the adversity and even a relapse decided that her pain would be her healing and created a way to heal others while healing herself. There are people out here just like you who just had a bad break. It could be any of us and with the way it's going, it may be.

We are not a world that is so divided anymore. More people look like me and more and more will and in 20,30 years no one will be truly a member of one group. The only separation now is the belief that one is more entitled worthy and destined to more than others. This world is not lacking in any resources, opportunities, or abundance, it is the greed of others and the denial of support to certain groups at different points and times that creates the lack.

Here is a fact, Sacramento has about 12k homeless, a few months back over the span of several months, we gained like 20k in Ukraine refugees, who were able to access the same support funding as the homeless...guess who is not on the streets or in these temporary shelters?

Here is some more truth: 1) since 2018 CA has received at least 6 billion for this epidemic which includes about 130k in total people. We have received 2x the amount of refugees. The homeless demographic has grown and is not in the not group. 2) not only has federal and state money been thrown at this but so has private donations in the millions. I did the math to house every person for two years paying their full rent for 10 years...it was under 3 million. Add a couple million for supportive and empowerment services to stabilize these people to self-sufficiency...add another 5-10 million. Still less than 1 billion. Now add your administrative cost 10 million 20 tops???? Still less? The motel director said on the news that it costs 4k a month to house and. feed the people in Project Room Key? 4K? How? And this is for 3 years now? Hmmm. 3) Well, I know that the motel owners were cashed out to even do it, nonprofits took the administrative part and were the delegated service providers but everyone here was provided with a roach-infested room no way to cook or wash clothes, and no advocacy or assistance to address barriers or gain housing. 900+ have gone through these places over 3 years and only 7% were housed. I know that everyone here has left to find their own next move including me. Some have been here 2-3 years and these are RAPID REHOUSING sites, 21-28 days, not 3 years. They are supposed to put you into other services, (CoC's right?) and there is plenty out there. 4) CA is now a housing-first state and there are programs like HSP and EHV that can create a dent but when the workers are telling clients things to discourage them and denying the availability and access of others, how do you fight that? Even asking for higher-ups is a joke. I can prove personally that the intentional and biased standards to disqualify applicants are biased, manipulated, and unreflective of written policies. 5) All the nonprofits are basically the same under the umbrella of a larger non-profit and despite the contracts and agreed upon standards of support, many of the services that are funded are not being implemented and if they are they are not equally. 6) Tiny homes are a not-so-tiny JOKE. I was online last month bidding in the public auction on these like 5x5 portable sheds that would make a small 1-man office. I thought if I could get one for the most 50 bucks I could make it a portable office somehow. It has a door and window and even a/c and was wired. There was also a portable brand-new unisex bathroom with a shower. these were all being bid on at the lowest around 10 bucks. There were a lot of them. So I did. But my bid was beaten out so I bid again and the same. So I did on many of them and just as soon as I did I was bid out. So I did a few hundred. Bid Out. I bid like 5 and the bid was beaten so I bid 1k and on another, I bid 2k. The 2k I won. I kind of knew it was the city, it was 3 a.m., and who the hell buys like 30 portables and the bathrooms? I hoped it wasn't...but a couple of weeks ago it was confirmed, my friend went there and believing it was a real home was upset to find a jail cell-sized space that had no better ability to be suitable than the tent she just left. this "Tiny Home" project that was spent millions on, likely cost this city less than 500K and that is the land, to create another waste that should have been spent actually building tiny homes not jail cell-sized sheds.

Look, at this point who did what is really fukn irrelevant. Who has the balls to say ok I can do better and do it? I don't really know. I do know that I am not the one who sees and is experiencing this for no reason at all and so my big mouth must be the reason. I don't have a reason to embellish or manufacture the truth and to be honest, I would rather be doing other things and not being in such a defensive and on guard energy and carrying this weight of responsibility. If i do nothing i cannot live with myself and if I do too much the world cannot live with me (and the truth). However, I AM more fed up and irritated with the fact that the world for the most part thinks so superficially and I somehow should fit into some box of acceptableness so I can be treated and given fairness and equal opportunities or seen as valued not "rough, or ghetto". BAH Ghetto I AM and Ghetto I shall remain, at least it ain't fake. I am doing my part and speaking about the hidden things and the rights they have taken and I will speak even if I speak alone about the truth and how things need to be changed.

Maybe they should let me create the policy and delegate the funding and house the homeless, maybe it takes one to house one....or maybe they should actually be advocating for the poster kids of their exploits.