WTF is Spiritual Bypassing?

As someone who spends a lot of time reading about my own behaviour, compassion, mindfulness, spirituality, and consciousness, this is a subject that often comes up in both my research and reflections. As I was writing and reflecting on my article about the ego earlier today, this topic was a twin topic that was simultaneously lingering in my subconscious, and I felt like it needed to be addressed.

Coined by psychologist John Welwood in the 1980s, spiritual bypassing is the act of using spiritual beliefs to avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and fundamental personal challenges. It's like putting a Band-Aid on a deep wound without treating the infection beneath.

There's a lot that slips between the cup and the lips

Just as the proverb warns of the unpredictability between planning and execution, spiritual bypassing highlights a similar gap in the journey of self-acceptance and personal development. This gap is filled with avoidance—avoiding the necessary, albeit uncomfortable, work of surfacing, confronting and healing from our emotional traumas and psychological wounds. Often, the ego cleverly uses spiritual beliefs as a shield to bypass these challenges.

The 'slip' in this scenario is the missed opportunity for real healing and transcendence, as we opt for an easier, less confrontational route that promises peace without the prerequisite work.

Recognizing Spiritual Bypassing

Spiritual bypassing wears many masks, making it difficult to recognize. It can appear as excessive positivity, where we start to dismiss negative emotions or situations as merely 'negative energy.' It can manifest in the over-identification with spiritual identities or practices, where we might claim enlightenment or superiority over others who are 'less awakened.'

Common manifestations are an oversubscription to rituals like waking up early, working out, and indexing on clean living (avoiding intoxication, practicing yoga) and eating clean (veg/vegan/sattvic) - without wanting to do the work of cultivating true compassion for oneself or others.

Another common sign is the avoidance of personal responsibility by attributing everything to fate or the universe's will. Phrases like "It's all part of the divine plan" can be comforting, but they can also be a way our ego manipulates us to dodge accountability for our actions or to avoid the the hard work required for personal growth.

The Dangers of Spiritual Bypassing

The big risk with spiritual bypassing is that it can stop us from growing emotionally and mentally. When we ignore our problems instead of dealing with them, we're not just avoiding healing; we might actually be making things worse for ourselves. This kind of avoidance can make us feel split inside, where the part of us we show to the world doesn't match up with what we're really feeling.

Also, spiritual bypassing can make us feel lonely. If we act like everything is perfect and only about 'love and light,' we end up pushing away people who are open to sharing all parts of life, including the tough and messy bits. Another problem it can cause is making it hard for everyone around us to be real and open about their feelings, because we're setting up a space where only certain feelings are okay to show. This can make it tough for people to be honest about their struggles and could lead to more loneliness and misunderstanding.

Navigating Away from Spiritual Bypassing

Navigating away from spiritual bypassing starts with being aware. We need to be ready to face our egos and the parts of ourselves we'd rather not deal with, understanding that real growth comes from facing, not running from, the tough parts of ourselves.

It helps to realize that our feelings and actions range widely—from feeling deeply connected to everyone and everything (agape) to being focused just on ourselves and others who are like is, and also often feeling emotionally disconnected from most of the others in the world. Knowing that we can feel and act differently towards different people at different times helps us to not be too hard on ourselves. Instead, we can aim for awareness and acceptance of these varying states.

Adding mindfulness and compassion towards ourselves keeps us in touch with our real feelings and helps us heal. Mindfulness lets us notice our feelings without judging them, and self-compassion gives us the patience we need to heal.

What Now?

The journey to truly knowing and accepting ourselves is complicated, hard, and unpredictable. It's about welcoming all parts of ourselves, even the parts we're not proud of, like our weaknesses, fears, and wounds. Trying to avoid these feelings through spiritual bypassing might seem like an easy way out, but real healing and growth come from dealing with our problems directly.

Our journey of growth isn't about getting over our human nature; it's about fully accepting it. When we face and work through our emotional and psychological issues, we're not just helping ourselves; we're also helping build more honest and connected communities.

Talking about making the world a better place, being kind, reaching enlightenment, or changing things without addressing how we sometimes use spirituality to avoid dealing with our real issues isn't just incomplete; it can actually cause harm. So, it's important to be honest in our spiritual practice and make sure we're not skipping over the very lessons we need to learn.