The Wrong "Whys" of Self Awareness!

Self-Awareness is undoubtedly a meta skill for life and more so for our personal leadership development.

Have you ever thought about why #selfawareness is such a crucial skill in life and #leadershipdevelopment??

Well, it goes without saying, self-aware individuals are more #agilelearners, more #inclusive, and more confident. They communicate well. They don't seek validation from others and are often sought after for their insights by friends and mentees.

Many of them live by an inner score card of their own on many important CTQs of life.

These are the people who get promoted and have more satisfied employees under them. They also have great followership from their tribe.

I have been following the works of? Tasha Eurich - celebrated organizational Psychologist?and author of the book "Insight" who is an authority in this topic.

She says it?is all about how you approach introspection. Many people assume that examining the causes of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors improves self-awareness.

But Tasha points out that the way we phrase our introspective questions makes all the difference.

She suggests to turn our "Why" Introspective questions to "What", in those moments of truth and reflecting in general.

Asking "why" questions often leads to rumination and unproductive negative thoughts. On the other hand, self-awareness unicorns, as Dr. Tasha calls them, never ask "why" questions. They ask "what" questions and avoid the usual pitfalls of introspection.

For example, instead of asking "Why didn't I get that promotion?" or "Why am I not good enough to get the promotion?" you could ask

"What did I learn that can put me in a better position in the future?"

"What support can I enlist from the people around me to help me achieve this goal the next time I set it?"

"What skills or knowledge do I need to acquire to make myself a stronger candidate for future promotions?"

"How can I demonstrate my value and contributions to the company in a tangible way?" or even

"What can I learn from this experience and apply to future situations?" to have a healthy and better reflection and learning path.

Instead of asking "Why am I so upset over this conversation with my stakeholder?"

you could ask "What part of that situation did I own?" and "What can I do differently in the future to avoid similar conversations with that person?"

Asking "what" questions instead of "why" questions not only helps us avoid unproductive negative thoughts, but it also invites a rational assessment of our strengths and weaknesses. Imagine an employee gets a bad performance review report at work.

If she ask themselves questions like?"Why my performance rating is bad?", or "Why I am not good enough?", or "Why do I always fail?", or "Why did my manager not see my contributions?", that is next to walking down the rabbit hole of rumination and self-destructive thoughts.

The disgruntled employee would start thinking about her fears, shortcomings, or insecurities, rather than a rational assessment of her strengths and weaknesses. (For this very reason, frequent self-analyzers are more depressed as well and anxious and experience poorer well-being - Tasha says. )

Rather she should engage in finding answers for "What was my contribution to the situation that led to the bad performance rating?"

"How can I communicate more effectively with my team and manager to ensure that I am meeting their expectations?"

"What are some long-term goals I can set for myself to continue improving my performance and reach my full potential?",

"What are some actionable steps I can take to address my performance weaknesses?"

?So, next time you're introspecting, give the "what" questions a try!

Your self-awareness and well-being will be grateful to you!

-- Prince Ramanan.