Written vs. Unwritten Rules

In an Instagram post post a few weeks ago, Merriam-Webster, the American dictionary publisher, said it is "permissible" for people speaking English to end sentences with prepositions, and there is "no reason" to assume this is wrong. The people who claim that a terminal preposition is wrong are clinging to an idea born in the 17th century and largely abandoned by grammar and usage experts in the early 20th century. However, for someone like myself who learned English as a second language, breaking grammar rule does not always come easy even though most grammar books would tell you it is not a hard and fast rule any more.

There is a big difference between written rules and unwritten rules. Very often, it is more difficult to deal with the unwritten rules in work place. They are the informal or unspoken expectation or norm that is widely understood and followed, but was not formally written down anywhere, or at least not yet.

Unwritten rules are often based on tradition, custom, or social norms, and are passed down by word of mouth or by observation. In work place, it becomes part of the company culture ingrained in the system so deep that people rarely challenge the rational for their existence. For example, do people in your work eat lunch together or separately in your cubicle. Do people turn on their video during zoom meeting or just dial via audio? Do you schedule a time on the calendar or simply knock on the door if you want to meet with your supervisor?

Unwritten rules may also arise in response to changing social or cultural norms, emerging technologies, or other factors. For example, a company may be in the process of developing new policies around remote work, but has not yet published them.

New hires and people from different cultures are the most likely employees to lack a sense of belonging and psychological safety.

In my book (The Odyssey of Self-Discovery: On Becoming A Leader), I used an example from the Movie “The Intern” featuring a scene between the start up CEO ( by Anne Hathaway) and an senior Intern (by Robert De Niro) when they first met and how the intern seek advices from the assistant and how he ensure the alignment expectation with his new boss.

It is a minor exchange but illustrates how important it is to ensure alignment of expectations. Any time you are in a new role, there are opportunities for misaligned expectations. More importantly, it is very important to proactively calibrate expectations from your stakeholders for your new role. Do not assume what's on the job description is really your job and do not assume what you were told before you got the role is still the same.?

Very often, even managers may not know what the job really is. You have to figure out or define what your own job. When that happens, you can either get frustrated or take it as a perfect opportunity to demonstrate your leadership.?

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