Writing Tip of the Week
Writing Tip of the Week
Read It or Weep
But First A Word from Our Sponsor: My political thriller, Sparky and the Twins, is a FINALIST in the Book Excellence Awards. That’s three-for-three. The first Sparky book, Sparky and the King, earned the FINALIST designation in the New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. The second in the series, Sparky and the Beard was a WINNER in the Best Book Awards. Winners in this year’s Book Excellence Awards will be announced later.
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I had reason to refer to one of my first novels recently and I was horrified at some of what I had written. “How could I have let that slip through?” The answer is simple: I wasn’t careful about proof-reading what I wrote before publishing. My desire to rush something into print overcame my desire to create something actually worth being in print. ?Others have committed the same sin, which can lead to unintended and embarrassingly funny results. Here are a few examples pulled from the real world of sloppy proofing.
My Heavens!
Morning Sermon: Jesus Walks on Water
Evening Sermon: Where is Jesus?
Reverend Hawley was congratulated on being able to get his parish plastered.
Organist to Give St. John’s Rectal.
A Christian can have only one wife. This is called monotony.
Bishop McNulty Dies: “Had a Clear Vision of What the Church Wanted Him to Do”
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Mexico celebrates Christmas with ‘pastorellas,’ pageants showing how the wise men and shepherds overcame obstacles and resisted temptations to visit Jesus at the manger.
The wardens have decided to purchase a new coping machine for the church.
?His book, They Walk with Angels, is a copulation of hundreds of stories related to him by the church’s evangelists.
Oh, Doctor?
A doctor wrote that his patient “went to bed feeling well, but woke up dead.” He “died suddenly, nothing serious,” which isn’t much of a surprise because his “cause of death unknown; had never been fatally ill before.” He died “without the aid of a physician” from a “blow to the had with an ax. Contributory cause, another man’s wife.”
Other “did I really write that” comments include:
The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
Discharge status: Alive, but without permission.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me.
The patient has never been pregnant and denies any reason for this.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
Signage of the Times
Sid’s Pants is Open!
If you wish for breakfast, lift the telephone and ask for room service. This will be enough to bring your food up.
领英推荐
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only
Fresh Flowers/Get Some Tonight
Rare, out-of-print and non-existent books.
To Avoid Suffocation, Keep Away from Children
We Fry Cholesterol Free
If You Can’t Read, We Can Help
Please Wait for Hostess to be Seated
Frank’s Body Works
Headline Grabbers
Anti-Nudity Law to Get Closer Look
Eastern Pilots Mount Pickets at Airport
Two Recruits Satisfy ESU Women’s Coach
Father of Nine Fined $100 For Failing to Stop
Beauty Queen Unveils Bust at Dedication Ceremony
Women Sought for State Police
People Should Evacuate When Gas Odor Present
Do-It-Yourself Pregnancy Kit to Go on Sale
Female Politicians to Discuss Sacrifices, Joys of Pubic Service
Columbus Discovered Virgins and They are Still Fascinating
Argus Makes Offer to Screw Co. Stockholders
Massive Organ Draws Crowd
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Quote of the Week: “The freedom of any society varies proportionately with the volume of its laughter.” Zero Mostel
Recommended Reading: 100 Things You’re Not Supposed to Know by Russ Kick
Freebee of the Week: Check out www.danbaldwin.com for a free short story or chapter excerpt from one of my works.
Shameless Self-Promotion:
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? Dan Baldwin 2023