Writing Tip of the Week
The Fence With Trembling Lips
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??This morning I actually wrote, “Jack looked over the fence with trembling lips.”
??Sigh.
??At least I caught the damned dangler before doing more damage to my writing career.
??I am in the final stages of three ghostwriting projects. I’ve just published a novel and a non-fiction work on the paranormal this year. I’m two-thirds through another novel and am beginning research on two new paranormal works. To borrow a line from Charlie Brown of Peanuts, “My head is round and hot.” Hence the unconscious drift into dangling participles and who knows what else. ?I need a time out for some laughs. I thought you might enjoy the same at the expense of a few writers who should have paused and considered what they had just scribbled before they hit “send.” These are real, folks.
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Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.
Floods from the Mississippi may be prevented by putting big dames in the river.
After Governor Baldwin watched the lion perform, he was taken to Main Street and fed 25 pounds of raw meat…”
The problem with intersexual swimming is that the boys often outstrip the girls.
Today’s Special: Barely Soup
Great care must be always be exercised in tethering horses to trees as they are apt to bark.
Vestal Virgins were pure and chased.
The marriage was consummated at the altar.
Guilt, vengeance, and bitterness can be emotionally destructive to you and your children. You must get rid of them.
Governor Sununu gave the president a sweater crotched by Ellen Garrison.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
My mother wants to have the dog’s tail operated on again, and if it doesn’t heal this time, she’ll have to be put away.
Growing up the lattice work were pink and yellow concubines.
And now, the Superstore – unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
To collect sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
The French government is preparing commercials encouraging the use of condoms that are blunt enough to shock even liberal Americans.
A Virgin forest is a place where the hand of man has never set foot.
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Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
A federal grand jury has accused three women identified by the IRS as topless go-go dancers of concealing their assets.
??Excuses. Excuses.
My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven’t had any relief since.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
A cow wandered into my car.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had doajre durea direatje the shits.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when?my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
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I just received a great write up in Images Arizona Magazine.
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Quote of the Week: “We believe to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.” Hubert H. Humphrey
Recommended Reading: Punch, Brothers, Punch- the Comic Mark Twain Reader edited by Charles Neider
Deal of the Week: https://harveystanbrough.substack.com/p/big-book-giveaway...
Recommended Site:?https://hestanbrough.com/
Shameless Self-Promotion
?www.fourknightspress.com?www.danbaldwin.com
“Y Gwir yn erbyn y byd”
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? Dan Baldwin 2021
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