Writer's Block

Writing is hard. At least it is for me. To do it well (or at least better), I require sufficient time, energy, and concentration to devote to intentional practice. This involves a "writing ritual" where my curiosity, thoughts, and readings co-mingle and marinate sufficiently. Recently, my calendar and my mind have been far from quiet. Lots of meetings, retreats, speaking engagements, philanthropic events, lectures, and trying to fit in life outside of work. In other words, a normal week for me. But I am more behind than usual. With so much noise filling my brain recently, I haven't been able to devote sufficient time to read and think. This short circuits my writing process; leading to ideas without the words to describe them adequately. In contrast to the typical description of writer's block, I don't struggle to get words out. My version of writer's block means the words just don't make sense to me on the screen. They do not bring sufficient order to the chaos of my thoughts.

As long as I can remember, I have been "stuck in my head." I don't do it on purpose, and this isn't false existential angst; it is something deeply held about my nature. Perhaps it explains my favorite song ("I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2), minoring in religion in college, and people sometimes thinking I am "aloof." It's not personal, I am just struggling with my internal monologue. It may also explain why my wife recently told me I remind her of the quote from the Dr. Seuss book I cited in the post: Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try! She said this in the context of me ordering too many books on Amazon and talking to myself too much. We are now at the point of a "book divorce," but have brokered a negotiated settlement where I still get to order books as long as I take them in to work immediately. I just can't help myself; I need books to understand myself and the world (see a few recent purchases Book 1, Book 2, Book 3). These books represent what I am currently thinking about. Now the challenge is pulling the thinking out.

My mother "encouraged" (i.e. forced) me to read when I was growing up. I had to write out my reading list for the bookmobile each week (if you have no idea what a bookmobile is think giant RV library; see the article picture above and another one, HERE). I had to finish at least 30 minutes of reading each day in the summer before I could go outside to play, and commit to reading a certain number of books to earn my reading badge when school started back up. Reading opened up new worlds for me, but school, work, and life happened along the way that limited my time to devote to reading as I got older. Writing came much later, but books were a necessary ingredient for my writing process. I understand things, people, and myself better through reading. This in turn allows me to "unlock" my thoughts through writing. Getting my thoughts out on a page enables me to share them with others. This brings me joy. Writing created a serendipitous and extremely meaningful connection to other people that I never thought possible.

But sadly I currently have my version of writer's block. I am diligently trying to get back to my writing ritual, and hope to have more to say in the coming weeks.