The writer that I want to be

I have been reflecting on what kind of writer I want to be. I think it is important to know what I really want, professionally, from the innermost part of me. If these wants are not clear from the beginning, then I will lose my way and purpose. I would like to share with you what emerged from my reflections. I hope you get inspired to probe deep about your work too. (Maybe it is time to ask yourself if it is still as meaningful.)

The writer that I want to be is intricately connected to my identity as a mom, a psychologist, and a recovering anorexic. All of these aspects of me are interconnected. But I will try to break it down for better understanding.

First, as a mom, psychologist and recovering anorexic. I am a mom of two young kids, one is hitting his teens, and the other is just below ten years old. As a mental health professional, I want to emphasize the practice of psychology inwards. It’s about applying psychology on my own life, especially how I guide and train my kids to be good persons. Some people in my profession, excel better, dealing with patients really well. While this is an extern focus, I would like to emphasize excellence in my life inwards.

I think that applying the principles of psychology should be done rigorously with one’s own flesh and blood than with relative strangers. In my opinion, it is useless to be an expert of the field in mental health if you cannot secure your kids’ psychological well-being.

Well, it’s not just about my kids’ mental health. I want to have excellent mental health also. And right now, who I am is a person in anorexia recovery. I have broached this topic in my essays before. Briefly, I believe that recovery from any mental illness, not just anorexia, is an ongoing process. It’s like drug addiction—if you don’t keep at it, you will relapse.

Anyway, going back to the issue about my own mental health: the way for me to achieve this is to not take any patients. I have a history of serious mental illness. Too much stress will contribute to another relapse. So, I am just getting real here! It appears that I have chosen. I choose my mental health and my family’s mental health over other people’s mental health.

For those of you who were my previous patients, and for those of you who ask me for professional mental help, please do not take my “no” personally. It’s not about you—it’s about me (and my family). Please understand that it was not easy to make this choice. Money-wise, this profession can be lucrative. It certainly pays more than writing (if you work it). But I’ve tallied the cost, and it’s not worth it. Some things are more valuable than money or the prestige.

The second point about the writer that I want to be, it is about the two relevant in the two fields of work I have stumbled upon. These two fields are commerce and psychology. Commerce is a no-brainer, when it comes to writing. Commerce-related writing means writing articles for companies. These are usually blog posts, social media posts, and advertisements. In short, copy writing. Psychology’s relevance in writing is a question mark, though. But I think I have found a way to apply it: Human Resource or HR.

I think, in a way, my not finishing Journalism, Mass Communication or English gave me an edge over other writers. These three courses are “Writers’ Courses”. It’s a very long story how I ended up in finishing Clinical Psychology and Human Resources, but these were the choices I ended up with. So, how to incorporate it into the writer I want to be?

When I entered the job market in 2019, I began to do online work. After some copy writing and essay writing stints, I worked for a start-up who hired me to do HR. The start-up did not last, but the realization that I can do HR stuck. This has led me to realize that I can be a writer and a recruiter.

The writer that I want to be adapts to the environment, doing what works. The world of writing has dramatically changed because of digitalization. To become a successful writer now means diversifying one’s skills. The start-up I worked for taught me that the work I am most comfortable doing is work online. I realize I made another choice here: I want to work online exclusively until such a time when I can leave my kids on their own. This means at least four more years, until my daughter is in secondary school

I found out that if I am to be a great online writer, I need to have a social media presence and/or a webpage. Successful online writers thrive if they have a digitized portfolio, and a social media presence. Out of that failed start-up, I was able to create my own social media page on Facebook. This is where I now post my essays. I found out that being an author today does not just mean being published by publishing houses, it also means having followers. You need to have recognition not just from the academe, but from people who Google you. For instance, I find the work of Lang Leav inspiring. If there is a role model I can refer to, she is the closest person I can find (though she writes poetry, more on this later).

Lastly, in the sense of choosing a writing specialization, the kind of writer I want to be is a non-fiction writer. If I must write and enjoy writing every single day as a daily habit, I will choose to write what comes naturally. This for me means writing about facts. I actually started out writing poetry when I was 17. But as time went by, I realized how froufrou it was, at least for me.

For those who know me well, I am described as a very practical person. I am the type who would ask people what they want for their birthday, so there will be less disappointments. And in this way, the frivolousness of poetry turns me off. There is a place for poetry, no doubt. But I am not “artist” enough to write it. I’m not very imaginative. What I want to write about is what is real, what is here and what is now. I can’t write stories that send people to la-la land. Sure, I consume fiction, but I have shit for brains to write it. As stated, I needed to pick a lane—and non-fiction it is.

To wrap it up, the writer that I want to be is a summation of all the parts that I am and in the process of becoming. When I write, I am creating something. When I create something, I feel very much alive. There is a living energy—I feel connected to other beings. I want to thank you all for reading my essays. Without you, I will be lost—my life robbed of meaning, pointless. My significance as a writer comes from understanding my milieu and my audience. I do not write for my own sake. I do not write on a vacuum. I am a product of my unique background—social, psychological, and otherwise. I hope that by sharing this essay you were moved to do something creative of your own. Or, you are stimulated to reflect on your creative journey as of late. You do not have to be a writer—all of us do something creative to sustain our lives. All of us are artists in our own right. My advice is to feed your creative impulse and let it grow.