Write Your Own Narrative

Author's note: Since the beginning of 2019, I have started a new year resolution to write an article per week cumulating to 52 articles by the end of the year. I will first publish in my own site first and then post an abridged or edited version on LinkedIn two weeks later. The original article is entitled "Define Your Own Narrative" and you can read the longer version here.

To achieve and work towards where you want to be, you must define who you are, what you believe and where you want to be. You must learn to write your own narrative against how others will define you in their own way.

One of the things that I dislike most is whenever anyone tries to stereotype, label or pigeonhole me into their own narrative of who they think I am. The one thing I learn from such situations is that you should never allow them to define your narrative and instead you should be the one deciding who you are, even if there are misconceptions out there.

Why do I not like that? First of all, this has nothing to do with arrogance and ego that made me feel this way. I have learned that it’s not personal from the other person’s perspective. Everyone has his or her own aspirations. I have my own dreams and aspirations and I may not reach them by the end of my life. Second, I do not want to be talk down nor be shouted at. Sometimes, people do that to put you down in your place or work passive aggressively to undermine you. If I am working for someone, I understand the rules that I have to toe the line till the day I leave the job. In no way, I should stop believing who I want to be or where I want to be. In daily interactions, I often do my best consciously not to judge anyone based on his or her initial set of skills or specialization or place them under this or that bucket during a job hire.

The second reason is about growth. We all have a choice to how we want to grow and who we want to be. Yes, everyone can start off with an initial job or responsibility based on their initial configuration for example, a university degree in engineering or accounting. However, they gradually learn and build upon their skills and then shift towards where their career trajectories lead them. It may be that they might be very good at something but sometimes, depending on your financial situation, you might decide that it is the right job for you but not the right career for your life. Philosophically, I disagree sometimes about people looking for the right person with the right experience, because in reality, it does not happen as different people have grown into their jobs not careers in different way. I adopt a different approach when it comes to hire talent.

What do we mean by writing your own narrative? It means that you set the terms on who you are, why you are here, what you believe and you want to do and where you want to go. You can write a set of narratives on a note book about what you want others to know about you. It’s simple and you just need to create a new document and type it in, and then keep it for yourself as a reference on days when you feel like giving up or stop believing what you set out to do. When in doubt, it's the best document that you should read to focus on your goals forward and not backward.

There will be people who will choose their narrative to write your story. They will judge you and they will write things that defy your narratives. We do not have a choice to how history or people will judge us, but what we can do to our best efforts, is to do what we love and be principled and honest even if the present moment might judge us unfairly for the short term but for a future moment that offer us a fair hearing in the long term.

It turns out that in life, the only way to make it work is grit and perseverance. Sometimes, luck plays a part too. My surprise is that I have met people who I know that they are far more talented than I am in any area which I have previously worked in, and they ended up achieving far less. Like any ordinary person, I have suffered failures in the process, but I have learned that when it’s not working out, I should admit it honestly, fire myself and move on.

What are the steps that you need to take in defining your narrative?

First, focus on your work and passion and not think about what others are doing that seek to compare you against them. I do not mean that you should ignore your competition. Yes, peer pressure and publicity are tempting and my first instinct is to suppress them continuously one day at a time. Believe me, I am doing that every day and doubt that it will not end until I succeed or give up.

Second, work for and work with people with the following features: one, people who give you autonomy and space to maximize your talent and potential; two, people who are open minded and have a knack for learning new ideas; three, people who are optimistic and achieves through successive quick wins towards a bigger goal. As long as it does not change who you are and who you want to me, you can be your own boss or work for someone who you share their ideals and beliefs. Sometime the best people to talk to are the people who are your biggest critics, and there must be a mutual respect shared between you and the other person. Learn to distinguish between critics who have reasonable points of view and exercise the charitable principle against those who seek to undermine you or put you down because they are totally different people.

To summarize, you should learn to write your own narrative, otherwise, someone will write it for you. Here’s a saying which I hope that you can walk out with, “When writing your own story, do not let someone hold the pen.”