Woulda-coulda-shouldas

Welcome to WiDSDOM, a wee blog that comes out every Wednesday-ish. Topics will vary from WiDS to careers, from math to the weather, from things I know about to things I think I know about. And you can help decide topics: ask a question and I will write about it.

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This week: #personaldevelopment, #education, #inspiration

Dear all,

When my son was little, we often read Shel Silverstein together, and I still regularly refer to his writing. One of my favorite small poems is Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda:

All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas

Layin' in the sun

Talkin' 'bout the things

They woulda coulda shoulda done...

But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas

All ran away and hid

From one little Did.

I've certainly had times when I focused way too much on the woulda-coulda-shouldas, which have the annoying tendency to start whispering to you at all the wrong moments, like at night when you hope to get some sleep! Devilish little voices that remind you of all the things you did not do, all the balls you dropped, all the things you could have done faster, better?

To combat the woulda-coulda-shouldas I would often write a task list in the evening to get a running start in the morning. Not exactly the most positive way to conclude a day. Over time, I found a much more positive way to battle these wee demons. This is what I started doing: each night when I hit the hay, I think through and write down in a little notebook on the side of my bed all the things I have learned that day. In the beginning I often wrote about how I learned not to do things and I admit that defeated the purpose a bit! But over time I got better and started really enjoying this process.

It's a small thing to do, and it helped me a lot. I feel fortunate when I look at the ever growing list of things I learned (and to help myself, I ignore the things I have since forgotten). It helped me changed my mindset. It helped me sleep better. It helped me find more joy in the learning. And made me look forward to the next day. Above all, it silenced the wee voices. No woulda-coulda-shouldas, but did-did-dids.

Focus on what you learned, not where, how you failed.

In 2010, I visited an oil rig once, and when I asked one of the drilling crew what he liked best about being on the rig, he very enthusiastically said "What I like best is all the learnings I'm learning". I like them too.