Would you say ‘yes’ to a life preserver?

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and simple actions that will build your confidence and your power. Each quick tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. 

If you were adrift in the ocean, thrashing around in a panic, would you say yes to a life preserver? 

Umm, of course you would — right?! 

When we face daunting situations and crises (that can threaten our confidence) in our careers, our network is that life preserver. 

Here's a great example: In one of my workshops on negotiation, I asked the group, "Who has negotiated for something and gotten a NO?" Two women raised their hands and shared wildly different experiences. 

The first woman explained that she made a raise request, got a stinging NO, and went right to her car to cry it out. She told us that she stewed in the pain of this rejection for weeks. She felt alone and deeply self-doubting. 

The second woman told us she asked for a raise and also got a NO. But instead of going to her car, she went to a mentor at her company. She learned that the NO was very typical given the timing of the request. The mentor also gave her suggestions for how to ask again under different conditions. The second woman said she was able to bounce back quickly thanks to her mentor normalizing her experience. And later, she got the raise she asked for! 

When you hit roadblocks in your career, don’t “go it alone.” Seek out external opinions. Ask trusted members of your network for their insights. Then use them to refine your ask. Harnessing your network boosts your level of information and approach. And, it’ll give you added confidence and swagger.

Quick Confidence Tips to Leverage Your Network:

1. Embodied: When your confidence takes a hit, level up your appearance. This might sound trivial, but a famous study found that when research subjects wore a white lab coat – a symbol of care and attentiveness – it actually improved their performance in those qualities. What can we learn from this? Most people take cues from their own dress and presentation... and they think and behave according to it. We up- or down-grade our behavior based on what we wear. What clothes make you feel energized, confident and engaged? Wear those clothes when you’ve received a NO and you’re leveraging your network. See if it makes a difference for you!
2. Interpersonal: Practice confident communication. When you reach out to your network, notice if you’re using phrases like “I think, I believe, I suppose, I suggest, I guess.” See if you can state the facts of what happened rather than the story of what you think happened. This means clearly sharing the facts without lots of innuendo. By speaking to the facts of the matter - with confidence, you’ll get clear about what you need from whomever you’re speaking with, and practice powerful communication skills for the next time you make an ask.
3. Mindset: Fail forward. Someone asked me on a podcast, "How do you recover if a speaking engagement doesn't go well?" My immediate answer? "Give another speech." The worst thing you can do after "bombing" an opportunity is to mire in your failure. A better thing is to let yourself feel it, find comfort and information from your network, and jump back into the water and try again. That way you can normalize your experience and keep the momentum going. 

What's an area where you failed or had a setback, and you reached out to your network for support? Let me know in the comments — I love hearing from you!

I’m dedicated to helping people fiercely self-advocate and negotiate like nobody’s business. My Be Your Own Fierce Self-Advocate workshop delivers exactly that, and is the perfect event to mark Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day. In this workshop, which I’ve taught at conferences, networking groups, and ERGs, you’ll learn from real-world stories, and engage in multimedia learning, hands-on polls, and even a powerful body exercise. Email me at [email protected] or send me a direct message to bring me to your organization!