Would You Rather Trust the Process or Control It?
In one of my past lives, I used to have a job that involved a lot of therapy and motivation. Even though I was a mere observer back then, I remember a lot of things that were talked about. One concept that stuck with me was the “right vs. happy” rule, which says: You can be right, or you can be happy, but you can’t be both at the same time.
The same principle applies to trust. You either trust someone, or you don’t. There’s no such thing as “a little trust” or “trusting a lot,” just as there is no such thing as being “a little pregnant.” Trust is binary — it either exists, or it doesn’t.
You Can Either Trust the Process or Control It
Which would you rather — trust the process or control it? I used to believe I needed to control everything in my life, from the big picture to the smallest daily interactions.
Data on my phone isn’t working? I need to finish this project and send it in half an hour! What now? I know! I’ll call my data provider and spend the next half an hour complaining! Using a direct, firm tone, I’ll explain that I paid for their service and if I lose a contract due to their poor service, I’ll escalate my complaint further. So, let’s get moving — do something, now! Chop-chop!
Needless to say, I hardly ever achieved anything with that approach. In the above scenario, the customer support agents were probably secretly sharing the recording of our conversation among themselves, laughing their heads off. ‘Listen to this! Another crazy calling!’
As the years went by, I mellowed. I came to realize that things happen for a reason, and when something isn’t going the way you expect, the worst thing to do is jump into action mode and try to fix it yourself. After all, when a pipe bursts in your house, you don’t rush to fix it yourself — unless you are a plumber, of course.
Instead, you turn off the main water supply, search online for a professional plumber near you, call them, make yourself a cup of tea, and wait for them to come and handle it.
This shift in thinking may seem small, but it has had a huge impact on my life.
You see, every time I rushed to fix the pipe myself, my mindset would lead me into tunnel vision, and I ended up creating more problems without finding any way out. Essentially, I was focusing on the problem instead of the solution.
That’s because in a state of stress, your mind tends to spiral and magnify everything. What now? Yet another problem? Why is this happening now, when I have so much work to do? Why is everything out of control? I need to get everything back on track!
When you take the time to step back and admit that things are out of your control, you give your mind the space it needs to relax and do its job — coming up with solutions, creative ones at that. You show your mind that you trust its ability to do so.
The best thing about trusting the process — or trusting the Universe, as some might call it — is that it gives you the opportunity to learn. It opens up a space in your mind that reveals possibilities you never knew were there.
That way, while your water pipe is being fixed, your thoughts might wander. Maybe it’s time to take that short vacation you’ve been considering, or perhaps even buy a new house, since this one no longer serves your needs. After all, the pipes break so often now that I could add the plumber to my direct debit!
When I was in my final year of grammar school, my IT teacher used to say, “Every problem eventually fixes itself.” While I laughed at the simplicity of this philosophy back then, I’m a believer now.
So, whenever I feel things aren’t going smoothly and fixing them seems more trouble than it’s worth, I relax, close my eyes, and in that quiet darkness, I remind myself: ‘I trust the process to lead me through this to the best possible solution, and I’m willing to follow the path it shows me.’
Ask and it is given. Allow for it to manifest. Trust the process.