Would you rather be feared or respected?

I recently read in a New York Times “Corner Office” column that this was the interviewee’s favorite question to ask a potential new hire. I think it’s an important question to ask yourself when thinking about the type of leader you want to be: to lead out of fear or respect. 

I’ve always sensed from leaders how they want to be viewed based on their behaviors. I’ve noticed that some confuse fear with respect and clearly the impact is different:

• Fear: breeds contempt; people worry about telling you the truth; they hide from you; they avoid openly sharing their real thoughts and ideas for fear of ridicule or being seen as less intelligent.
• Respect: people trust and value your opinion; they look at you as someone who has wisdom and lessons to share; they are open with their thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Based on those descriptions, it should be obvious to you where my sentiments lie.

Throughout my career, I’ve worked with a mix of both. To those that wanted me to fear them, I demonstrated a modicum of respect. I would never allow them to intimidate me. If I had, I would have compromised my best self. Some leaders expect that a senior title instantly entitles them to respect - I believe it has to be earned through behaviors.

What is the value in fear?

Facebook has wonderful posters plastered across their offices with provocative and inspirational sayings. My favorite is "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" That is a great way to set the standard of behaviors for your people. Encouraging them not to fear but to imagine the possibilities.

Fear has no place in business. It prevents us from seeing what's real and important and being our authentic selves. Focusing on fear impacts your ability to focus. It mitigates time spent on creative thoughts and making positive contributions. 

Instilling fear in people makes them less likely to be forthright with you, and in turn, they won't share details of what's happening - both good and bad.  Your colleagues won't be empowered and courageous with decisions. Ultimately, instilling fear in people will lead to isolation and occasionally failure to achieve true success.    

A respected leader is authentic and honest. People want to work in environments that value openness and transparency. A leader that communicates to others their expectations as well as the impact of their behavior, maintains healthier relationships resulting ultimately in a culture of communication and subsequent company-wide success. 

So how does a leader earn respect?

Some of the best leaders I’ve come across know the secret of active feedback. Some may believe that soliciting feedback from employees makes them look weak. I am a firm believer in using feedback as information we can use to improve – whether it’s personal or professional. Feedback should never be viewed as criticism (with negative intent), but rather an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s also a chance as a leader to show respect to others on how they view the way you work or lead.

So, take a moment and think about how you are perceived in your organization and how you perceive others. Does fear outweigh respect?

If the answer is yes, you need a reframe. Here are some good resources to revive your perspective and shift your way of leading. Some interesting books to read:

• Adam Grant: Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives our Success
• John Hope Bryant: Love Leadership: The New Way to Lead in a Fear-Based World
• Roberta Chinsky Matuson: Talent Magnetism: How to Build a Workplace that Attracts and Keeps the Best

 Hope you enjoy these picks.