Would you feed carrots and lettuce to a hungry lion because you are a vegetarian?

Have you ever wondered why you are so different from your teammate?

Why he or she feels super inspired and motivated, and you, under the same conditions feel snowed under work and overwhelmed? or why your teammates chat up with any random person, and you feel annoyed?

Let me explain to you a very simple yet useful concept for understanding people. The easiest way is to make the link with the animal kingdom. In its most simple form, you have 3 types of mammals.

Those who live alone, like bears and tigers. They mostly rely on themselves, and only meet in mating time, do their thing, and then go off on their own again.

Then there are the herd animals, who prefer to be in large numbers. Big groups make them feel safe, and there is typically no clear hierarchy within the group. No alpha zebra or alpha sheep.

And then also animals who live in hierarchically oriented groups, like wolves, and gorillas. There is an alpha, who usually eats first, gets the best females, and is in charge of the group. There is a clear leader, and often even a number 2 or 3 as well.

We have those same types of distinctions among humans. Even though we are genetically hierarchical animals, and you see this in society. We have governments, and all companies have leaders, etc. And the higher up you go, the more money you earn, the more status you have, etc.

But still, some people are more of the solo expert, who rely on themselves, and are more alone. Because if they do it themselves, they’ll usually do it better. Some others really want to be part of a social group, they know lots of people, want to socialize, prefer people to be equal and for everyone to be included. And then you have those who understand the hierarchies and know how to take the lead and make other people do what needs to happen.

David McClelland, a Harvard psychologist named this the 3 needs theory. He identified that we all have a need to achieve results and be some type of expert where we can use our own skills.

He also said that we have a need to belong, and fit in into some type of social circle.

He called them Power, Affiliation and Achievement

It’s a relatively simple model. He also suggested that we all have a dominant driver – one of these 3 that is the most important for us, and 1 that is less important to us.

It’s very rare that people care equally about all 3.

This is a way to understand needs, the way that you could categorize people into food groups. Some people will prefer salads and veggies. They may be vegan or vegetarians. And some will prefer meat. They are definitely not vegetarians, and if you give them too many salads they’ll get upset.

That's why your teammate talks 3 times more than you, she knows every possible person in the building and chats up with any random stranger in the elevator! its because she is an affiliation, she needs it. if you take that away, she will probably feel grumpy and sad and depressed.

You might be an achievement profile, like me. What matters to us is being efficient, doing our work the most efficient way possible, being the best and bring the most results. for us, chatting up feels ridiculous because it isn't efficient. but it matters to keep your teammate motivated and happy.

Yous boss might be into power. He needs to be the boss, he needs to be the person that is the end responsible and has the last word. For him, the control and power matters. Next time you feel intimidated or question, ask yourself what button you pushed that got him to have such reaction ;)

Once you know someone’s key driver, you can match your communication style, to ensure they get what they need, and don’t get hungry for other emotions, causing them to have outbursts and temper tantrums or other challenging behavior – and it will be more likely that they will give you what you want as well.