Attached is the application profile of Johnny Fast, an exciting applicant who comes to us from NASCAR. He really seems like a great fit for our organization from what I've read: he's got stellar references, his education is impressive, he interviewed well, and no one can criticize his experience being a NASCAR Cup Series Champion! He comes to us seeking our open position of Lead Driver for the Elite Wheel Championship.
Here is a reminder of the job description followed in parenthesis qualities that our applicant will outshine the competition:
- Operator must be able to constantly operate vehicle for up to but not limited to 45 minutes (Johnny Fast has experience in races lasting over 3 hours)
- Operator must be able to operate a vehicle with one wheel (Johnny Fast can expertly manage not just 1, but 4 wheels simultaneously)
- Operator must be able to maintain speeds above 15MPH average each race to be considered competitive (on some races, Johnny Fast clocked average speeds of 180mph)
- Operator must be able to manage 2 pedals to maintain and manipulate vehicular velocity (Johnny Fast has experience manipulating 3 pedals to maintain and manipulate vehicular velocity)
- Operator must be able to maintain professional composure and quell nerves when the reporter from Ear Witness News brings a tape recorder for post championship races (Johnny Fast has experience with video pre and post race interviews as well as maintaining a network friendly presence with televised in-cab cameras and microphones during every race)
- Operator must work well with our unicycle engineer once a month (Johnny Fast has experience interacting with a pit crew 5-12 times per race, which speaks volumes to his ability to foster a positive working environment)
- Operator must be ready to entertain dozens of attending fans (Johnny Fast has experience entertaining on average 100,000 attending fans simultaneously every race)
- Operator must arrive dressed and ready to go within 5 minutes of each race (Johnny Fast routinely arrives days early just to make sure everything was in working order on his vehicle, practice with his pit crew, discuss strategies with his team, and survey the track)
- Operator must relocate to Anywhere, Kansas (Johnny Fast has experience travelling all over the world in his prior racing experience, and Anywhere Kansas is barely another day of travelling for him)
- Operator must split gross winnings with the operating company 50% of the championship pot (Johnny Fast has to share 88% of the gross winnings with his current company)
As the Chief Recruitment Officer, resident speed enthusiast, and your favorite cousin, Betty Slough, I am confident that Johnny Fast will make a fine replacement for our Lead Driver position to represent our company in the Elite Wheel Championship. I formally recommend that we offer this position to Johnny Fast with the generously competitive offer of 50% of all gross winnings and 20% of our ad revenue proceeds from ESPN3ALT and a photo op with the Anywhere, Kansas Times newspaper.
Betty Slough, MonoMotion Dynamics, Inc.
