The worst thing since sliced bread

This one has been a long time coming.

I write to you today regarding bread. Not just any bread, but sliced bread. (Sorry in advance to my gluten-free friends out there!)

There's something I've just never gotten about the way sliced bread is produced and sold.

You see, in my family, we have a certain pattern in the way in which we eat our loaves. (See the below diagram for slice numbering.) When a family member wants to make a sandwich or toast, they start by first taking slices 2 and 3 out of the bag. Then the next family member in need of bread goes for slices 4 and 5, and so on and so forth until slice 17 is gone. At that point, slices 1 and 18 remain. And it will stay that way for days. No one wants to eat them. No one likes the crusty slices. They go to waste every time.

Eventually, my mom will throw them away and pick up another loaf at the grocery store, but while we wait for her to do that, we are a sandwichless household. We refuse to use the crusty slices because they're, well, crusty. They're gross and they taste weird and we just don't like them, okay?

I know my family is not the only one like this. It's a pretty common thing to dislike the end slices of the loaf (re: the below tweet). So why do bread companies continue to make them? Do they like to watch us suffer? I don't know.

In the day and age of personalization, however, Nature's Own and Wonder could stand to learn a thing or two.

Look at, for example, Coca Cola. They not only produce multiple flavors like cherry and orange vanilla. They also sell Diet Coke, Coke Zero, and caffeine-free Coke. There's something for everyone. Bread companies already sell white and wheat, but they need to personalize their loaves a little bit further. They need to start carrying end-free loaves.

Imagine the possibilities. No longer would children everywhere open their lunchboxes to see their mother so cruelly built their bologna sandwich on top of crusty end slices. (WARNING: TANGENT APPROACHING. Why, oh why, is bologna round? It's barely even real meat anyway so why would bologna-processors not make it square to fit the bread slices? It kills me.)

I hope that in my lifetime I get to see a world where I no longer have to purchase crusty-ended loaves. I hope that one day, households will never have to go without grilled cheese and avocado toast because they are waiting for Mom to notice that all the good slices are gone. It's time we get rid of the end slices once and for all.