The Worst Day as a Leader

I was taxiing down the runway to Puerto Rico when I started receiving text messages. I had forgotten to put my phone on airplane mode. My first text was from one of my supervisors, “CALL ME. URGENT.” I’ve never received a text like this from him. I tried to sneak a call, but calls wouldn’t go through. At this point, I had received several text messages on both my personal and government phones. These texts ranged from “praying for you” to “are you okay?”. The last text message I received before landing was from my other supervisor, stating that several officers were down or injured, and he was headed to the hospital. I suddenly felt blank.?

I must have read the text messages ten times. I started praying that everyone was okay. I’m generally over-optimistic, but I know that about myself. My internal conflict seesawed between “I’m sure everyone is fine” and “this is very bad”. This had to be the longest flight I had ever been on. Text messages on my personal phone kept coming in during the flight but were seemingly out of order. Some were messages of prayer, while others were condolences. The one thing I knew was that, generally, the first bit of information during an emergency is wrong or half-right. My hope was that the media picked up on something and lead people to believe it was worse than it was.?

About a half hour before my arrival time in Puerto Rico, I received the confirmation I was dreading that several were hit, including one of my Deputies, and a couple of officers were deceased. It is difficult for me to describe how I felt. The best I can come up with now is that I felt I was watching this happen, almost out of body.?? One comfort I had was that at no time during this event did I feel that my supervisors could not handle it. I just wanted to be with my people.?

I did not know exactly what was going on, but I hurt for my team. I felt terrible that I was in Puerto Rico while this was going on. I was literally on an island. I remember praying several times during the flight, and one of the more memorable prayers was that none of MY guys had passed away. I stopped praying and felt extreme guilt wrapped in confusion over my own instinctual and first feelings. If I knew one or more had passed, could I ask that they not be “mine”? Each one is “someone’s”. They are someone’s child, spouse, parent, friend.????

Just before my plane landed, I stopped the airline attendant. I handed him my phone, where I typed a quick message, “I am a U.S. Marshal. There has been a serious incident at my office. Can I please be first off the plane to contact my staff?”? My plane landed at about 4:45 pm, and I was allowed to deplane first to call one of the supervisors.?

Standing at the gate door, I spoke with one of my supervisors over the phone, who informed me that during a warrant operation, several officers were hit, and a couple had passed away, including one of my Deputies. He gave me a bit more information, but I had to ask him to clarify that our Deputy had passed. He said, yes, he didn’t make it. I felt as if my knees were about to give out. I leaned against a pillar as he gave me the rundown again.?

I had to get off this island. I went from airline to airline, trying to get an immediate flight back to Charlotte. Due to a storm directly over the island, no flights were leaving. I went to my hotel, where they had lost my reservation. I concentrated on not letting my stress affect this young lady behind the counter or anyone I had contact with. I finally got a room and immediately logged on to my computer.?

The following day, I left the island on the first plane to Charlotte. I arrived shortly after 11 am and went directly to the office. Understandably, there were only a few employees at the office. Soon after arriving, I was given more details on the incident. A total of eight officers had been shot, four succumbing to their injuries, as well as the fugitive who was the subject of the warrant. This was the most devastating attack on our agency since the 1800s and, personally, the first time I had lost one of my Deputies. I have been very fortunate in my nearly 30-year career, including both military combat and law enforcement actions, not to lose anyone under my lead, but that all changed on April 29, 2024.

Many things transpired over the following several days and into weeks, but there are two personal experiences that I will never forget. The first was the rainy Saturday when I brought my Deputy home from the crematory to be with his family. I thought this would undoubtedly be the hardest act that I would complete in this trial, but the second was much more difficult for me. Investigators gave me my Deputy’s badge that he was wearing during the event. When I received the package from the investigator, she looked straight into my eyes and told me, “It’s bad.”? Shortly after that meeting, I had the honor of cleaning that badge, but it was one of the most difficult duties I’ve carried out in my career.?

I will never look at a U.S. Marshals badge the same way again.??????? ?

I leave you with a few questions:

Are you ready?

Is your team ready?

How well do you treat your team?

Do you trust the next in line can handle things when you leave your office? How about on the very worst day??

Please continue to pray for the healing of the families, friends, and agencies involved in this tragedy.?