The Worst Dating Advice EVER!

I was recently looking at some of the dating advice that’s being offered to women over 40, 50, and 60 in magazines like O, in books, and even online courses. It made me a little sick to my stomach. What passes for ‘conventional wisdom’ cannot possibly have the desired effect because it’s frankly all wrong. It’s no wonder that people have a hard time finding their soulmate.

One psychologist advised that if you want to find a partner, you should always be on the lookout for new activities and new hobbies so that you’ll have exciting things to talk about when you’re on a first date.

Yuck!!

First of all, it's exhausting just thinking about it! And why would you want to pretend to be someone you’re not? It’s false advertising! What happens if you do meet someone and they fall in love with you based on what you advertised – that you are a tireless adventurer, always on the go? How long would you be able to keep it up? Would you wait until after the wedding before you would turn back into who you really are?

What if the tables were turned and your Mr. or Ms. Wonderful told you that they like SCUBA diving and vacations to exotic places, and after the wedding, you find out that they are a total couch potato whose idea of the perfect weekend is watching football and stuffing themselves with junk food? Sadly, though, the above advice is pretty common.

I believe that most relationships eventually blow up because people pretend to be someone they’re not when they are first getting to know each other. Of course, they can’t keep up the charade when ‘real life’ starts. We set ourselves up for failure right from the start.

Your soulmate is someone who loves you exactly the way you are, no pretending necessary! It’s not that they like some parts of you, and they put up with the rest. They love everything about you. Yes! It's possible! Every time I look at my soulmate, I fall deeper in love. It feels as if she was made exclusively for me. There is never any need for pretending – that’s what makes it so wonderful!

Another matchmaker advised potential daters to be far less picky. Go out with someone, even if you do not find them all that attractive. Maybe they’ll grow on you.

What!!? Like fungus?

She wants you to face the fact that you’re not so perfect, so why should you expect perfection from someone else? She wants you to be far more realistic and screw your expectation far lower. There is so much wrong with this advice that I don’t even know where to start.

Sadly, though, this is very often what people actually do when they are looking for a partner, especially when they are a bit older. And it’s the number one reason why they will not find their ideal partner.

It’s tricky with the hit-and-miss, conventional way of dating because it’s not like you get to make a truly informed choice from a vast pool of potentially compatible partners. More likely, you meet a guy (or girl) in a bar or some other social gathering place. He's not exactly Adonis, but he is the best one out of the five guys there, and so you end up together. Or maybe well-meaning friends set you up on a blind date, and let's say sparks actually fly, but is that really enough? What are the chances that those initial sparks ensure that you share the same hopes and dreams for a life together and that you have compatible values and standards? How can you expect that your ideas about things like money, sex, and religion somehow miraculously match up?

The fact is that if you want to meet someone who is truly perfect for you, you must be far more selective, not less. I know it may seem that if you’re too darn picky, you will never find what you’re looking for, but I promise you that the exact opposite is true! In all other areas of life, the clearer you are about your goals, the better - and faster! - the chances of reaching them, and the same is true in the dating world.

Finally, a so-called expert advised people to be patient. Which sounds to me like another way of saying to keep doing the same thing over and over again and hope that someday the outcome will inexplicably be different. Because whatever you’ve been doing clearly hasn’t been working, so by all means, let’s do more of that! Keep looking at lackluster online profiles, keep going on date after date with someone who creepily reminds you of your ex, and keep going home disappointed as hell.

I say, stop kissing frogs - it’s not a viable way to find your prince!

Instead, why not try something completely different and see if you get a better outcome? I promise you that your soulmate is out there, but in order to find them, you have to know exactly what and who you’re looking for. In other words, you have to have a List.

In order to find your perfect match, first, you must know yourself. You can't pretend to be someone you’re not; you must be completely authentic. You must be clear on the kind of life you’re looking for. You must be aware of your personal values and standards, your ideals, and your passions. You also must be able to say what you find attractive and what turns you on. There are no limits whatsoever, but you must be able to express what you want. When you know all these things about yourself, it’s pretty easy to extrapolate what your perfect match would be.

I know, I know - all the conventional advice out there tells you pretty much the opposite – which is why it doesn’t work. Isn't it true that in every other area of life, it takes focus and clarity to be successful? If you want to start a business, you must know your goals. You write a business plan that precisely outlines your vision, your mission, as well as your business and financial projections. If you want to be an athlete, you must be singularly focused and pursue your passion relentlessly. If you want to be an artist, you must be single-minded about your intention. The clearer you are, the more focused on your passions and desires, the greater your chances of success. You know it! And it's the same for finding your soulmate.

Actually, strike that! It's even MORE important for finding your true love! That's because when you are looking to find your perfect partner, you're not merely trying to expand your chances of finding more eligibles. You are looking for ONE human being – the one that is your soulmate. That’s why it is incredibly important to be extremely clear. Your description must be so precise that if you sent a friend to the airport with nothing but flight information and your List, they would be able to spot your love in the crowd. And just like your friend wouldn’t simply grab someone similar, saying, “Close enough! You’ll do!” Neither should you ever compromise when you’re looking for your soulmate.

Go HERE for help in making your clear and precise List. I PROMISE IF YOU WRITE IT, THEY WILL COME. For me, it took only two days. I’m not saying that the entire process from beginning to end was that short. First, I had to clear away some blind spots and false ideas that kept getting in my way. The book The List Method – the science-based way to find the love of your life, will show you how to get around those barriers of false beliefs that keep you from finding the love you crave. You can get the book HERE.

A successful life deserves a successful relationship. I can tell you that when you get to be with your soulmate, life takes on an entirely different dimension you can't yet fathom! Finding my love has made my entire crazy life worthwhile because I never knew I could love so deeply. It feels so good to get to love like that, and it’s mind-blowing to be loved like that in return. You become healthier, happier, more confident, more competent, and more successful in all areas of life. If you are secretly hoping to find the love of your life, please STOP BEING PATIENT! Don’t wait a moment longer. You deserve to be that happy!

Kind regards, Marni