Worst date ever!

Worst date ever...

Have you ever felt this?

Have you ever taken the time to get to know someone through a series of texts back-and-forth and then, you decide to meet in person?

And it was the date from hell.

The person was nothing like they portrayed themselves to be. Instead, they were rude, insensitive and self centered. They were quite the opposite of boring, they were more unbearable.

What happened?

What happened to this wonderful repartee via text between the two of you?

What happened to this man who appeared to be amusing and funny but is now vicious and cold-hearted?

What happened to this man who seemed interested in your thoughts and opinions but has spent the last hour belittling or ignoring you and having you feel ugly, unworthy and confused?

And, now you’re pissed.

You got yourself all beautified, none of your clothes fit because of Covid so you had to go out and buy something new which took you away from doing the things you really needed to do to keep your career going and you spent time on your hair maybe you even went to get highlights or get a blowout which is incredibly challenging when you’re trying to stay safe and socially distance from the stylist and you feel so hot and uncomfortable in that mask.

And, because you haven’t worn any shoes other than slippers for the past 9 months, now that the weather is getting warmer you’ve got to go through and try to find a sexy pair of shoes when you haven’t been thinking about sexy shoes in over a year.

Because of Covid, you wouldn’t dare trust taking the subway to a date and he chose a place to meet that’s clear across town so you’ve splurged on a car service.

You were excited, you were optimistic, a little nervous, and now you’re pissed and disappointed.

You think to yourself, I could’ve just stayed home.

Has this ever happened to you?

You ask yourself, "Was this the worst date ever?" And you did it during a pandemic. And now you’re really starting to hate on yourself. You’re starting to doubt yourself. You’re starting to feel like such a fool.

That little voice inside your head begins, "I told you so. All the good ones are taken. You waited too long. You'll never find love. You'll always be alone. Who do you think you are?" 

I'm here to tell you it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault because we were never taught how to love and respect ourselves. We weren't taught how to ask questions, how to speak up for ourselves. We weren't taught how to express ourselves and be assured that our needs were met and if we were, if we were fortunate enough to learn it from others or on our own through trial and error sometimes, if you're like most of us, you forgot. Sometimes we know what to do, what to say, how to get out of a sticky situation yet, we freeze. We go back to the generations of times of being taught to be "marriagable", to stay quiet and not make waves, don't upset others, just push down your words and feelings and hold on until this is over. So that's what we do.

On the way home, we feel like shit. We hate ourselves and we blame ourselves over and over again on that long ride home. We blame ourselves for not knowing better. We blame ourselves for trusting and believing someone and we feel horrible. We feel lame and we're discouraged, so defeated that we vow, "Never Again!"

We don’t know what we don’t know.

There's no one to blame except the person who lacks decency, the person who doesn't know how or believe that women deserve to be treated well. And that one is so history. Game over.

Now if you knew how to get to know someone, I mean really get to know someone and you could comfortably ask the right questions and you knew how to trust yourself and get a sense of how the conversation is going and you knew how to have fun on the date no matter what and you felt strong enough to end the date swiftly and quickly when you began feeling uncomfortable yet you didn’t and you chose to continue the date as opposed to calling him out for his behavior then, yes, it is your fault. But that's not you, is it?

It's not you, yet.

Does this sound harsh? Well, it’s supposed to be. I’ve listen to so many women complain and say that the man was nothing like he portrayed himself to be, he seemed so great when we text.

We seem to have a lot in common, he seemed so nice over text.

He said all the right things, he seemed interested in me and it's been so long and he really wanted to see me, he said over text.

He said he needed to see me and he couldn't wait to meet me...over text.

And I asked these women, what did you find out about him? What did you two text about?

Most of them discovered that they actually didn’t know very much about this person. He asked questions and these brilliant successful women answered. He asked and they answered again and again. When they asked a question he never answered, never directly answered that specific question that was asked until the question was long forgotten. They didn’t know that he was full of anger, resentment and hadn’t fully healed from his last relationship. They didn’t know that he’s actually a lot older than the pictures he put up on the dating profile and though his profile says he works out 5 X a week, he appears to not have seen the inside of a gym in 5 years yet he put you down and made you feel unworthy.

I asked the women how the zoom call went, the zoom call that you went on before you actually met in person and the women say that they didn’t have a zoom date first. They didn’t have a phone call to hear what his voice sounded like so they weren’t able to hear the frustration, the tension and the anger in his voice.

They just went along with what he said and he was so insistent about meeting in person quicker rather than later and they agreed.

Did you ever see the movie Dirty John? It’s a movie about a man who pretended to be a doctor and always showed up wearing scrubs yet, he wasn’t a physician. And he managed to talk the beautiful successful woman to fall in love with him and marry him and it turned dangerous. He wasn’t who he pretended to be. There were times she was puzzled about his behavior and some of the things he said but she brushed it off.

I'm sure I've completely scared you and scarred you from ever going on a dating app and from ever going on a date but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be like that.

Dating can actually be fun and easy and you can be excited and hopeful and optimistic. Getting to know someone can be fun and full of pleasure, when done right. When you learn how to date intentionally and you learn how to comfortably ask the right questions dating can be fun and happy, safe and pleasurable once again.

When you learn the right tools and techniques, the men will seek you out because they’re going to want to get to know you and it won’t be just any man it will be smart, engaging and loving men. It will be men who are kind and trustworthy, who have successful careers and wonderful relationships with their family and friends and who are emotionally and physically healthy. It will be standup men who are who they say they are and who do what they say they do and who have been looking and searching for the right woman, dating and waiting for you, coming up empty handed because the woman just wasn't right. The woman wasn't you. 

What would it be like to enjoy dating, to have fun?

What would it be like to start dating, start dating smartly and intentionally?

What would it be like to be in a loving healthy relationship?

What would it be like to meet that man who'd been searching and waiting for you?

How would that change your life, how would it enhance it?

How would that make a difference in how you show up in life?

When you learn how to date intentionally, dating looks and feels so different because it is. Dating becomes something you look forward to, going on the dating apps becomes something you're excited about because you're doing it differently that you've done before.

No more frustrations, no more time wasted or energy drained.

Men of substance and quality begin seeking you out. They're making the effort, doing the planning and all you have to do is show up, show up being 100% of fabulous you. And you get to decide who you want to go out with based on your desires and what feels right to you.

What would that be like?

How would you feel?

How happy would you be?

Are you ready to try something different?

Are you ready to learn how to have fun dating, have fun going on the apps and choosing the ones that light you up, that tune in and turn you on?

Now is the time, now is your time. Now is the time to do it right. With Covid here, now is the best time to begin dating because you get to go at your own pace. You get to decide.

Schedule a call with me now, don't wait, don't put it off because you deserve better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel love. You deserve to do something that is out of character for you because you know this time is different.

Click on this link  and the calendar will pop up, I can't make it any easier for you.

Date intentionally,

Elizabeth