The Worst Book I Ever Read and Why I'll Read it Again.

The night I caught my college girlfriend lying to me, we were in bed and I was annoying her. She was watching Gilmore Girls and I, being too "cool" to figure out what was going on in the show, was reading a book. Well, reading is a stretch. The book hadn't pulled me in, so every few minutes I would ask her a question about her day at work, school, and whatever else came to mind. Experience has shown me that girls like being asked these questions, but not while Gilmore Girls is on. I repeat... NOT while Gilmore Girls is on. (Just trying to save a relationship out there)

Guys, do not interrupt a woman watching Gilmore Girls. Ever.

I bought the book, Never Be Lied to Again, that day at Books-A-Million on a trusted friend's recommendation. Up until high school, I enjoyed reading. I even held the public library's record for the most books read in a summer, which I affectionately refer to as the Sunless Summer. When I re-emerged from my bedroom, at the start of high school, I stopped reading for pleasure. Through high school and college, I was far too interested in music (Future Article: How 2Pac Ignited My Career) and playing basketball to make time to read. Oh, and there was the girlfriend too :)

Earlier in the year, my friend got me interested in reading again. When I moved to Alabama from Michigan, he was the first person I clicked with. He was an on-air DJ for a popular radio station and I was breaking into similar work prior to moving to Alabama. He had quite a few qualities that I admired, so when he asked if I had read God's Debris: A Thought Experiment by Scott Adams (Creator of the Dilbert comic strip and a Dale Carnegie Course Graduate!) I quickly followed my "No." with "May I borrow your copy?" I was hooked! The book stretched my imagination in ways I had not experienced in years. When he suggested Never Be Lied to Again, I started reading it the night I purchased it. And, it was so-so, until...

I asked my girlfriend another question (still unrelated to Gilmore Girls). I can't recall the question or her answer, but I do recall the feeling I had when I went back to reading the book. The author suggested that when a person uses certain words, they may be lying. Then, it happened. I did something worse than interrupting Gilmore Girls. I interrupted by asking "Did you just lie to me?"

To my surprise, she admitted lying and apologized. Given the situation, she was easy to forgive. Being asked 20 questions while focused on one of your favorite shows is not the environment where you give your most well-thought-out answers. I mean, you'd barely be listening to the questions! In fact, now that the book had grabbed my attention, I was no longer listening to her when she wanted to talk, during a commercial, about her lie. Who knows, I may have even accidentally lied to her in my responses. It was I, however, that was equipped with the knowledge on how to catch people in lies.

The days that followed catching my girlfriend lying consisted of two things:

1. Telling people to read the book
2. Attempting to catch people lying

From the outside, it's often easy to identify problems in relationships. One problem manifested for me after reading Never Be Lied to Again. When you consistently look for what's wrong, you'll find it. Often. And, without making a formal announcement that you're looking for these things, your coworkers, friends, and family will notice. They may not say anything to you, but they'll slowly start spending less time with you. They'll stop asking you for your opinion or even how your day was. Fortunately, someone did indirectly say something to me.

My new obsession came to a halt when my friend that recommended Never Be Lied to Again accused me of being deceitful. Again, I don't recall what we were talking about, but I do recall the feeling I had during the conversation. We were hanging out at my place when he noticed I was playing with something in my hands. I'm not sure what it was, but it could have been just about anything. I have a habit of "needing" to fidget with something more often than not. I find myself pulling leaves off bushes to fidget with while on long walks. When teachers lecture, I'll doodle on paper. This fidgeting, according to the book, is an indication of someone being uncomfortable, possibly because they are lying. When I told him I wasn't lying, he asked (jokingly) why I broke eye contact when I said it. What a wake-up call!

My obsession flipped. Realizing that not every instance I recognized from the book was a true indication of someone lying, I went from seeking lies to seeking understanding and being empathetic. This was how I wanted to be treated and I was determined to treat others this way. Although, I did go overboard when I started wearing a shirt Dane Cook wore at one of his shows. The shirt said "TRUST ME" and reactions to the shirt, from friends and strangers, were often "Why should I trust you?" and "You must have something to hide." or "Don't trust this guy."

Aside from people's perception of me on the occasions I wore the shirt, I could sense I was being treated more positively. This, obvious to me, was because I was acting in alignment with my values and stopped acting how I thought the book wanted me to act. Yet, here I am quite a few years later ready to read Never Be Lied to Again... again.

The decision to reread the book came to me while reflecting on a recent Dale Carnegie Course session. At some point in most of the courses I facilitate, the topic of manipulation is brought up. Some people feel that using the principles in How to Win Friends and Influence People is sneaky and they are only used by power-hungry people. This feeling is rare for those that have read the entire book, and rarer for those that have participated in all of the course's sessions. The goal, when applying the principles, is to be genuine and sincere in our interactions with others. And to this point, maybe I missed something while reading Never Be Lied to Again. Since I wasn't focused and skimmed through the first pages, maybe I acted in a way that the author didn't intend. So, I'm opening my mind and reading the book for the 2nd time. I'll add a comment with my updated thoughts soon!

Comment below if you've found value in reading, watching, listening, or doing something a 2nd time when the 1st time wasn't a good experience. I'd Love to know what it was!

Thank you for the likes and shares :)

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