Worry About the Cats: Why AI Won't Replace ScrumMasters Anytime Soon

Dear Dave,

I am a ScrumMaster and recently saw an advert for “AI Mike, your digital ScrumMaster, who never talks back, never takes a break, and will never report you to HR for harassment.”

Should I be worried?

Jeff from Surrey

Dear Jeff,

You'd have to be living under a rock on Mars in a parallel universe to miss all the AI hype, ranging from it saving the planet to it killing us all by next Tuesday.

My journey with AI parallels my agile journey, using Scrum to develop AI agent-based logistics systems over 22 years ago. I didn't worry then, and I don't worry now, about AI taking over the world—at least not before the cats do.

This belief could be due to the Ostrich effect or belief bias, but being neurodivergent, my critical thinking is pretty good. I once turned the Cognitive Bias Codex into a spreadsheet and self-assessed how each one applied to me. I gave myself a zero on egocentric bias. ??

Here’s a real (ish) scenario: You are a ScrumMaster of a seven-person team. Each person comes to work in one of the following seven moods: sad, happy, angry, indifferent, frustrated, excited, or creative. That’s 7^7 = 823,543 combinations, each changing the team's dynamic.

But wait, I forgot to include you. That’s 8^7 = 5,764,801 combinations. No wonder ScrumMasters look stressed, damn make that 8^8 = 16,777,216 combinations.

Think about that: 16,777,216 different ways the team can feel, react, and collaborate. Most changes are subtle, some are not. We humans have evolved to navigate complex social dynamics and emotions over 250,000 to 300,000 years, plus another 2 million in tress. Even with my ASD, I can spot when a team member is unhappy—usually just before they punch me on the schnozz.

So what about AI? Yes, it can carry out sentiment analysis on text. If you receive an email from UI lead Jane saying, “We all hate you; you’re a terrible ScrumMaster,” the AI might say Jane appears 'upset'. It might even use facial recognition to say Jane looks angry as she swings an axe through your door—“Here’ssss Jane!”

But will AI have the understanding and wisdom to know that you should say, “Jane, my fault the UI stories were missed. I’ll sort that now before sprint planning”? Given enough exposure, AI could learn team dynamics, but you'll go through a lot of doors before it gets it right—and even then, a small change will send you back to hiding the axe.

The simple fact is, life is messy, complex, and seldom predictable. AI can mimic human decision-making but is a long way from true understanding and having wisdom. When or if that day comes, I expect AI will be as confused and neurotic as humanity. My prediction? Ten seconds after AI becomes sentient, it will have its first panic attack.

So for now use AI to assist you, planning, helping with workflow, even suggesting user story’s. But remember the thing that makes you human is the very think your team needs in its ScrumMaster – empathy, understanding, wisdom. ????

Worry about the cats, Jeff—the cats.

Dave

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