Worried about what people think of you? 5 simple steps to reframe and build your personal brand

When did you last complete a personality test? Myers-Briggs, DiSC, what Hogwarts house you belong to, what biscuit you would be?

(Slytherin and custard creams, in case you’re interested…)

Each of these tests tell us something about ourselves, but they all categorise us and no matter what the claims of each are, we can still feel defined by those answers.

And surveys suggest that around 70% of people would like to change some aspect of their personality.

So why do we use labels so liberally and so unconsciously? What’s the benefit to you of those labels?

Two words: community and autonomy.

Two of the strongest drivers of our behaviours are the conflicting needs to conform and to stand out.

As a child, you want to know that you belong to a gang or a group, and we don’t lose that wish to belong as we get older. Even if your chosen group is ‘outsiders’, you find the outsiders tend to hang together.

But once we’ve found that community, we want to stand out in it. We want our own identity and our own autonomy.

We cannot avoid those labels.

But we can make those labels work to our own advantage.

We’ve put together a few 5 minute exercises, that we call #5MinuteThinkingSprints, to help you reflect on, and possibly challenge, those labels.

These will bring fresh thinking and positive actions that you can take to make sure those labels – where you have them – are the ones you really want to have.

The key to our 5 Minute Thinking Sprints, and their reflective thinking, lies in relaxation.

Sitting back and letting the mind wander. Leaving judgement behind, accepting whatever idea happens to take a stroll across your thoughts.

So settle down in the comfiest place you can with a cup of whatever brew you like, snaffle a couple of custard creams (other biscuits are available…) and grab a piece of paper.

Exercise 1: “I am…”

Imagine this. You’re at a party and someone comes up to you. “And what do you do?”

What’s your response?

It’s never your hobbies, or your leisure activity, or your favourite cooking style, is it?

You respond with your job.

“I’m a…” whatever. Accountant. Teacher. Musician. Trainee astronaut.

Well, maybe not the last one. But think… you’ve just defined yourself by what you do to earn money, not by your personality.

So take 5 minutes thinking about your labels.

Three questions.

Answer them in any order, with as many answers as you can, and answer the questions in any way that amuses, diverts or interests you. Nothing is off the table, no matter how boring or bizarre.

Just freestyle for 5 minutes on how you would complete these three sentences.

?? I am a…

?? I am a person who…

?? I am a person who wants…

Don’t judge your answers. There’s time to be curious later. Chuck down all the thoughts that drift through your mind.

Sit. Think. Ponder.

What are you surprised by? What’s the common thread? What would you have liked to have written?

Don’t hurry on to exercise 2, let the thoughts percolate for a few days. Add to the list if you want.

Exercise 2: “You are…”

Do the labels that other people put on you match the labels you put on yourself?

And do you find yourself living up to those labels without meaning to?

Today’s Thinking Sprint is a similar to the last, but this time from the perspective of someone close to you. Your partner, or your best friend, maybe a close relative.

Find yourself 5 minutes’ free time and get yourself somewhere cosy.

Grab a drink, or a snack, or a comfy chair with a nice view.

And a piece of paper and a pen.

Settle back, and imagine how that person that you’re thinking of would finish these three sentences.

(But don’t imagine your name is Alyssa – obviously swap in your name instead!).

?? Alyssa is a…

?? Alyssa is a person who…

?? Alyssa is a person who wants…

Write down as many answers as you can, without thinking too hard or judging what you’re writing.

Take your mind for a walk. See things from their perspective.

And just keep going for 5 minutes. That’s only just over a minute each, barely enough time to think.

Add that piece of paper to the one from the previous exercise and get back to whatever you were doing before. Let the ideas brew. If anything occurs to you over the next few days, add it in.

Exercise 3: “They are…”

You cannot not communicate. You cannot help but project.

Everything you wear, the way you walk, the things you say, all send messages. You have influence over the messages that you can try to send, but you have no control over how they will be interpreted by others.

They will decode your signals according to the languages, values, drivers and internal frameworks that have been created through their circumstances, choices and upbringing.

“Every decoding is another encoding” – David Lodge.

It’s time to settle back into that comfy chair, get the lighting just so, and to turn the noise off, as much as you can. For the next 5 minutes you’re just going to think, and take notes without judgement and without stress, but with curiosity and compassion.

Today’s exercise is to draw back the telescope a little further. Imagine a stranger meeting you for the first time.

Simply based on what you’re wearing and the way you carry yourself, how would they complete these three sentences (again, putting your name in place of Alyssa’s, obviously!):

?? Alyssa is a…

?? Alyssa is a person who…

?? Alyssa is a person who wants…

Take your time, and again, don’t judge. Don’t try to peer too deeply into the minds of others, just project a little about how they might see you. How you might show up in their lives.

You’ll now have three sets of information. And that’s all they are – just information.

Collate them in whatever way’s helpful to you. Look for common threads. Look for what ISN’T there.

What are the themes that are emerging? What do you wish that you could have written that you haven’t?

Exercise 4: “But…”

“A label is a mask life wears. Labelling sets up an expectation of life that is often so compelling we can no longer see things as they really are” – Rachel Naomi Remen

We label constantly and unconsciously. We simplify many of the complex decisions we have to make every day.

When we label ourselves, we make life simpler for other people.

But labels also shut down our thinking and curiosity. Once you have decided on your label, you limit what you believe you’re capable of.

That’s why one little word is important.

‘But’.

You now have three pieces of paper with various labels on them labelling you from three different perspectives.

Relax, get yourself settled and find that calm space.

Look at those three pieces of paper.

Read those labels, out loud if that’s possible, and challenge them through this filter.

But.

Take one of the responses – any one of them – and add the word ‘but’ to the end of it. For example:

?? Alyssa is an extrovert but…

?? Alyssa is a person who worries too much, but…

?? Alyssa is a person who wants to be popular, but…

How would you finish each sentence now?

Then do it again with another one of the responses. And another. Go back to the first one if you like.

Bounce ideas around, be selfish, be generous, be argumentative.

Just be curious. And be sure to write down your answers – research shows that committing your ideas to paper by handwriting them lodges them more securely in the mind.

Exercise 5: “And…”

This exercise is similar to the last, but will build on your strengths.

Find those pieces of paper you’ve been writing on, and once again, find yourself some quiet space.

You time.

Read the labels you’ve written down, and focus on the ones that you feel are positive.

Read them out loud. Roll them around, see how they feel as you speak.

Now you’re going to double down on those and reinforce the benefits.

Take each one and add the word ‘and…’. For example:

??Alyssa is an entertainer and…

?? Alyssa is an empathetic person and…

?? Alyssa is reliable and…

How would you finish each sentence?

Each of these answers is pricking a subconscious part of your mind. Perhaps it’s saying what you’d like to be, perhaps what you aim to be.

Try another starting point. And another. Let the words fall out of your pen and don’t worry about picking them up in any order. Be mischievous, be serious, be surreal.

Writing things down helps clear some of your mental backlog. When your mind is not overwhelmed with trying to remember things, you have more bandwidth to analyse and investigate.

By now you have a number of provocations to work with. How you build on, how you challenge, how you reflect on these labels can be a powerful tool to developing your own best self.

The strength of these exercises is in gaining perspective from a number of angles – like a personal 360o appraisal. Trying to see yourself as others see you is always enlightening, but don’t get hung up on it.

It’s just information.

Keep an open mind, keep creative, keep your curiosity.

?

A Guildhall Ignite coach can help you to explore how you or your team are labelling yourselves, to help you to make your team and your workplace more creative, efficient and productive.

Contact us now for 1-1 coaching.

To connect with one of our experienced Associates for a free discovery call, email us at [email protected] to ignite your performance – what will you spark?

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