The World Needs Your Difference

Research has shown that women leaders have an advantage over their male counterparts when it comes to self-awareness. Their self-ratings on self-awareness are higher than men’s. Women leaders are rated higher in self-awareness by their direct reports, managers, and peers. Research also shows that women are more likely than men to modify how they see themselves when they receive feedback. This, at times, may be problematic. Over-valuing how others see us can result in self-censorship that inhibits one from bringing forth one’s unique gifts and contributions. One of the fears influencing the self-modification is perhaps the fear of losing membership and belonging.

“Self-awareness is the foundational leadership skill of the twenty-first century. Leaders who know who they are, and how they’re seen by others, are more effective, confident, respected, and promotable.” – Tasha Eurich

There is a beautiful story shared by an elder from the Zulu tribe in Africa that was retold by Helen Luke, an American Jungian analyst, folklorist, and mythologist in her book “The Way of the Woman”. The story invites us to follow our own deeper wisdom to claim our power and overcome the fear of losing belonging. Sharing an abridged version here -

In an African village, a group of young girls were jealous of a girl in their group, because she was “different”, and she had a necklace of beads that was more beautiful than their necklaces. They got together and created a plan to humiliate her. When she joined them at their daily meeting at the river, they told her that they had all thrown their necklaces into the river as an offering to the river god. Hearing this, the young woman immediately took off her own necklace and threw it into the river. The other girls then dug up their own necklaces that they had hidden in the sand and went away laughing at her.

The young woman was distraught at having been made a fool of and prayed to the river god to restore her necklace. She then heard a voice asking her to dive into a deep pool nearby. Believing it to be the river god’s response to her prayers, she plunged into the pool and found an old woman sitting on the riverbed. The old woman was covered with sores and was ugly to look at. She spoke to the girl and commanded her to lick the sores on her body.

The young girl felt compassionate towards the old woman and did what was asked and licked the repulsive sores. The old woman then told her that because she had not held back from licking the sores, she would protect her from the demon who comes to devour the flesh of young women. Instantly, a loud roar was heard, and a demon appeared. But the young girl was hidden away by the old woman and thus saved. After the demon had left, the old woman gave the girl a necklace that was more beautiful than any necklace she had seen and bid her goodbye.

When she returned to her village wearing the new necklace, the other girls wanted to know where she had got it from. On hearing that she had received it from an old woman at the bottom of the river, they rushed to the river and jumped into it. At the bottom of the river, they met the old lady who was covered with sores. When she commanded them to lick her sores, they refused to do so and told her they found her repulsive, and demanded they be given necklaces. Suddenly, there was a big roar, and the monster appeared and devoured the girls. The story moves on, but I will pause here.

The story is replete with symbols that Helen decodes.

• The young girl represents our feminine psyche making its place in the world.
• The necklace in African culture is symbol of one’s worth.
• The group of girls represents group mentality and group thinking. The girl quickly falls into the trap of seeking to identify with her peers and by doing the bidding of the group wants to demonstrate her allegiance to the group.
• However, once she awakens to her loss, she listens to the call of her own wisdom and plumbs her inner depths to find another wisdom self – the old woman.
• The sores represent things we find repellent in us which we turn away from. The saliva represents our unique essence. The girl is asked to use her unique essence to heal her sores.
• The demon is a symbol of larger forces in society which demand conformity. When we attempt to imitate or comply superficially to these demands, we can get devoured by them and lose our innate creativity.
• Once the sores are healed, we receive our unique necklace – a new sense of worth.

When we find compassion for the parts of ourselves that we find repellent, we develop an inner wholeness that makes us less susceptible to judgements from the outside. We can resist the temptation to self-modify and push back for what we believe in.

The next time we experience a rejection of our ideas and perspectives – covertly or overtly, let us dive deep and find the wisdom self that can support us take our own side. And remember that the world will be incomplete and poor without the ‘differences’ we bring to it.

Celebrating all the brave hearts who stood steadfastly for what they believed in and changed the world. Happy Women’s Day!