Every day can be World Mental Health Day

Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and the world had an opportunity to come together to talk about mental health. 

My feed was full of mental health, even reality TV stars from Love Island and high street brands like Topman got involved.

To be honest up until about 18 months ago I didn’t really have a connection with mental health or know what it is. There’s no way I would have known it was world mental health day. 

It was only when I struggled myself with anxiety and panic attacks that I felt my mental health for what felt like the first time. 

Before then I’d been running at 100mph running my own tech business, I’d dropped out of uni to “become an Entrepreneur”, I’d watched the Social Network and I’d been reading a lot of TechCrunch at the time — I chased the golden ticket of happiness, wealth and self-worth through the world of entrepreneurship. 

At 21 I didn’t know what the real working world was like, but I soon became conditioned to the “killing it” culture, where everyone is doing great, is fine and business is growing. I put this cloak on too — I pitched, I sold and I hustled, every day was a performance, I sold at work and in my personal life too. Things are all good, all day, every day. 

Of course they weren’t, deep down I felt alone, isolated, lost, confused and scared. I was 22 with hundreds of thousands of pounds in the bank, a product which I deep down knew didn’t work and the weight of expectation from what I’d sold to myself and others weighing down on me. 

I never talked to anyone about any of that. I never showed any vulnerability, because I thought that was weakness and nobody else was doing that , so I couldn’t. 

I numbed myself and I believed if I just pushed harder, if I just kept going it would figure itself out. 

3 years and $1m dollars later I finally listened to my gut for the first time in years, what I was building didn’t feel right to me — I was building an advertising product and I didn’t even like advertising. I was disillusioned, tired and burned out — so I quit, I stopped.

I failed. 

100mph turned to 10mph and the feelings I’d suppressed for years finally had a chance to surface. 

Anxiety, fear, uncertainty, self-doubt — they’d all been there for so long, but now as I stopped — they bubbled to the surface. 

My heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty, I had a knot in my stomach and I was constantly beating myself up in my head. 

Yet, life was still a pitch and whilst now I didn’t have a business to sell I still had a brave face to keep up, so I continued to be “all good”.

For a year I lived with feelings of anxiety, overwhelming self-doubt and self-deprecation. It started off by me feeling “weird” and “uneasy”, but it ended in full-blown daily anxiety and panic attacks. 

I still never looked inwards, I was always looking out; blaming others and filling my life with over-work and lots of nights out to absolutely avoid feeling the discomfort and pain. 

A quick google search on how I was feeling only deterred me from opening up more, labels and terms like Generalised Anxiety Disorder, mental illness, suicide and more all just made me feel broken — I didn’t want to associate myself with that (rightly or wrongly).

Social media had been part of my front, I’d used it to portray a veneered facade of my life — yet I finally used it for good — I shared my story, just like now and I told the world how I’d been feeling.

I shared my story openly, publicly and with a gut-wrenching level of vulnerability for the first time. 

It was hard at first, “weird” too and very uncomfortable, but talking openly about mental health, has on the whole, been a tremendously positive experience for me. 

After sharing my story and continuing to do so, I’ve felt what true connection feels like — it was like free therapy for me. 

Over time I felt myself get back to OK, but then carry on too. 

I became more self-aware, empathetic and creative, whilst building a level of self-knowledge that was sometimes difficult to stomach but really valuable.

For the last 18 months, every day has been a day to celebrate mental health for me and I’ve been shocked by how well it’s been received. 

I’ve been shocked in my personal life, where I’ve found myself having meaningful conversations on mental health with friends from all walks of life. 

I’ve been shocked by the change in conversation in boistrous whatsapp groups, where the words “anxious” and “stressed” have begun to crop up more than I ever thought they would.

I’ve been shocked at how ready people are to talk about their feelings, and their mental health. 

I’ve been shocked by how willing businesses are to care for the mental health of their employees.

I’ve been shocked at how much we all have to say. 

People want to talk about their mental health, and in some cases, they even enjoy it. 

Businesses too, are becoming more aware that the conversation needs to occur in their four walls and some will even facilitate and make that happen. 

Mental health is full of surprises.

Like 20 businesses pledging to “create an open environment where mental health is supported, and people can bring their full self to work”

Just like physical health, we all have mental health.

Every day can be a World Mental Health Day :)

I’m interested to hear whether mental health is being discussed more openly in your personal and professional circles — let me know in the comments.

James