Workplace relationships, politics and power

Over the past 12 months I like thousands of others have been reading the unfolding corporate catastrophe that is the Channel 7 Tim Worner/Amber Harrison dangerous liaison. Just when Channel 7 must have thought press coverage would die down (well that the continued injunction against Amber Harrison being continued that is), QBE’s somewhat more elegant pas de deux, catapulted Tim and Amber and Channel 7 back on to the front page of the newspaper, or headline if you read your news online. Now we have Barnaby and his ‘partner’/not ‘partner’ trainwreck. It would be funny if it wasn’t so disastrous for Barnaby’s ex-wife and, more importantly his four daughters.

There have been, and will continue to be numerous articles, opinion pieces and commentary about workplace relationships, the power imbalance within such relationships, the unfairness of such power imbalances, women in corporate/political life and more, I’d like to take a more direct, some might say, basic approach to behaviour in the corporate/political world and share some of the (many) homilies and insights that have been shared with me over a 30-year career in these worlds -– business and politics.

These insights apply to both the men and women in the corporate world.

1. Don't F#*k the boss.

THIS IS THE GOLDEN RULE. It hardly ever ends up well and the few exceptions attests to the fact that this is the basic rule for both sexes to follow.

If you are the boss ‘man up’ and I use this terminology on the basis that in 99% of workplace relationships happen between a male who is in a senior/power position (corporately speaking that is). It’s your responsibility to take responsibility.

Face up to whatever issues you might have in whatever your existing relationship is instead of running away with/off with a work colleague who is invariably in a lower executive position than yourself.

In other words, grow up. Sort your own issues out. You are an adult be one.

2. The newspaper test

Don't do anything you would not like to read about on the front page of your local/financial newspaper. Barnaby Joyce is just the latest in a long line of examples.

While this rule applies to corporate fraud, spruiking CDOs or sub prime syndicated loans, dumping toxic waste in rivers and every ESG metric on the planet, somehow the workplace affair that blows up into a major item across the front page/home page of the financial press and daily broadsheets, is a way bigger issue.

We all want to be recognised, have our name in the media/press, but there’s ways to do this. A workplace affair is not one of them.

3. The ‘will my children still respect me’ test

This is the toughest test of all because children will (mostly) always love you but are unlikely to tell you they don’t respect or admire you. And, it may take years/decades for the hurt you have caused them and their mother, your wife (now ex-wife) to surface.

Your actions have enormous consequences for your children and no amount of money will EVER repair the damage you do if your workplace affair becomes the stuff of fish and chip wrapping paper.

You might be the high-earning father who has a great job and financially provides for them but you know what, young children don’t know about any of that when they are young. You’re just dad and dad has ruined their lives.

Imagine what your children’s school friends are saying about you? And, make no mistake their parents will be talking about your behaviour and your children’s friends will know about it. Take yourself back to your school days and think through what you would have had to deal with.

If this doesn’t make you think several times about using your power position to deal with whatever issues you have in your life, marriage, relationship . . .whatever, not much else will.

Just to be clear. Your children will NOT respect you. They may forgive you when they get a bit older but respect is not something you’ll earn back easily.

4. It ceased to become personal when your relationship is with a co-worker

For those executives/politicans who hide behind what I call the ‘human nature’ argument (you can’t help who you fall in love with’), no you can’t, but you can and do have a responsibility to act in a responsible way about how you conduct your ‘work’ relationship, especially if you’re married!

Call me old-fashioned, but to me marriage is a commitment that covers several levels of actions, behaviours, expectations, mutual trust and love

If you don’t want to be married any more front up to this. Don’t romp around with an executive assistant, junior executive, senior executive… anyone if you’re married! End the marriage and then start a new one. I get it, life rarely works like this but if you are the CEO of a listed company/politicans what you do, who you do it with when and how requires you to engage your brain first, emotions next.

Look, I am not a Jane Austen like moral police-person, just someone who thinks that if you break a fundamental value such as trust, respect, honesty with the person/people you claim to love more than anyone else, you do this knowingly. Don’t give me ANY other excuse.

5. There are other options

If you are really stressed, have relationship issues, need an ‘outlet’, want an ‘emotional connection’ and you ‘feel’ you are not receiving the support you need from your partner/wife/husband/friend/the person you are ‘seeing’ there are other options.

a)   massage parlour

b)   brothel

c)    escort agency

d)   prostitute/gigolo

e)   other

This is some advice for the women

If you are thinking about ‘having a relationship’ with the boss. DON’T. (I’ve kept the numbering sequential as this whole subject area involves two people and its essential that this conversation engages everyone).

6. You’re not that special

If you are the woman having a relationship with ‘the boss’ let’s make one thing very clear. The chances of your boss leaving his wife, whatever he says, are infinitesimal as to be almost non-existent.

Hot sex, clandestine meet-ups, champagne or other substance-infused evenings do not equate to ‘I’m going to leave my wife and family’, even after its all been splashed over every news service in the country.

You’re being used. You might think you’re doing some of the ‘using’ but that’s simply not correct. And, when it does go pear-shaped you’ll be the one trying to defend allegations of corporate theft as it was your corporate credit card used to book the hotel rooms, pay for the food and champagne etc…not his. He’s too smart for that and he’s more than likely got a legal team that will be paid more money then you’ll earn over your entire career…or what’s left of it.

7. The one out of 10 rule

I grew up with three older brothers. On several occasions when I went to the pub with them (underage in New Zealand in the 1970s) I watched as one of my brothers stayed at the bar and ‘chatted up’ various women as they went to the bar to order a drink. He bought some of them a drink, others not.

After a while he returned and sat with my other brothers and I. I asked him if he really thought he’d have any ‘luck’ picking up a girl by chatting to them at the bar. His response? ‘One out of 10 will say yes.’ They were acceptable odds for him.

So, if you get noticed by your boss or the colleague of your boss at some event, in meetings, at an internal conference, at an off-site, whatever, remember you’re only one of out 10.

You’re not special, you’re are almost definitely ‘not the one’. You’re just the one that said yes.

Last thoughts

All this said, there is a really simple approach to workplace relationships.

Don’t have them. And if you do, behave like the adults you are – both the male and female.

If you are married (either of you or both of you), deal with your marriage issues, don’t use the workplace relationship as your therapy. It’s not.

In a world where trust is sadly lacking in our political institutions, where interest groups and rent seekers try to persuade us with selective or alternative facts, where emotions and commentary are regarded as fact . . . the one thing we can all take responsibility for is our personal behaviour.

This is even more so when you are a political representative, boss, senior executive, board member, team leader in any business.

There is a saying that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. This quote referred to political power but is equally applicable to the corporate environment.

Economic power within an organisation, when used as a substitute or outlet for personal relationships, marriages, friendships doing what they often do – change and sometimes fall apart – is corrupting for all involved. It’s NOT an outlet, solace or solution for either or any party.

What's Marie Antoinette got to do with it?

As I am a lover of history, there’s an interesting parallel in pre-Revolutionary France I’d like to share with you, the ‘Affair of the Diamond Necklace’. (As a contemporary aside executive women and assistants need to be especially aware of the allure of diamonds).

The Affair of the Diamond Necklace was an incident in 1785 at the court of King Louis XVI of France involving his wife, Queen Marie Antoinette. The reputation of the Queen, already tarnished by gossip, was ruined by the implication that she participated in a crime to defraud the crown jewelers of the cost of a very expensive diamond necklace. ‘The Affair’ is historically significant as one of the events that led to the French populace's disillusionment with the monarchy which, among other causes, eventually precipitated the French Revolution.

The corporate and political world is exactly the same.

Both parties to ‘whatever’ need to have a reality check. If you can’t do that, face up to what ever is happening in your life. Man-up, woman-up.

And, if all this fails, read the front page of the newspapers across the last week and ask yourself if this is really how you want your children, brothers, sisters, mother or father would like to hear about what (or who) you’ve been doing.