Workplace lessons in letting go

Earlier this month, I participated in some peer-to-peer coaching sessions with leaders from different Maisons in our group. It was a welcome opportunity for some self-reflection. In my role, I often offer advice and coaching to others, so having a couple of days to consider my own growth opportunities was truly golden. As usual, I found myself surrounded by an exceptional bunch of peers, each with unique experiences and challenges.

On the third day, one particular moment during our discussions hit me hard. As I shared how a negative professional experience in the past has influenced how I approach my current role, a colleague interrupted me with a simple yet generous comment: "I think you've got to just let that go." This comment, in its undeniable accuracy, caught me off guard. So much so that I had to reach for a hankerchief.

After a few days of noodling on this uncomfortable truth, I realized that letting go of this negative professional experience would also entail forgiving a specific individual. And, then, to my chagrin, I realized that this blissfully unaware individual was not alone. Now, I consider myself a pretty warm and forgiving person, but as I reflected on past grievances over the years, I noticed I had nonetheless clocked up a small group of individuals and placed them in a "people I like to dislike for how they treated me at work" category. These ranged from the out-of-her-depth client in my early thirties who would wake me, screeching down the phone on Saturday mornings, to the new manager who welcomed me onboard and then systematically cancelled every single 1:1 meeting for a good six months, to the person who openly criticized my choice to return to work after four months instead of staying home with my baby. It dawned on me that subconsciously holding onto these resentments was counterproductive. Mandela said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies." And so, the last couple of weeks spent actively letting go of these experiences has proved more than liberating. It’s a muscle that’s worth learning to flex more frequently, and I encourage you to give it a try.

In our careers, it's natural to hold high expectations and strive for control over every outcome. We meticulously plan, set high standards, and attempt to shape every detail according to our personal idea of how things should be. Yet I'm gradually learning the value of relinquishing control and embracing the unpredictable nature of life and work. By accepting what we can't control, we are challenged to stay rooted in a deeper sense of purpose and appreciate the real growth opportunities that stem from all our experiences. As I look back on both the amazing highs and the crashing lows of the past couple of decades, it's rarely been the good stuff that has been the catalyst for the most substantial growth.

As a working parent, like many, I’m constantly challenged in balancing my professional life with my responsibilities at home. In the past, I'd stress over not being in control of every aspect of my daughter's upbringing while late at work or on business trips. I'd create extensive lists and give detailed instructions, but I eventually realized that micromanaging from a distance only strained my relationship with my husband and in no way benefitted my daughter. So, about a year ago, I made a conscious decision to let go and trust in my husband's love and care, allowing me to be fully present at work. And so… returning home from a business trip recently to find my five-year-old daughter with fingernails long enough to successfully pick her nose, I took a deep breath, located the nail-clippers and reminded myself that I can't control everything. This decision has been liberating and has allowed me to appreciate all that my husband does to support our family and my career.

The universe has thrown many curve balls at us in recent years, and in the corporate world we’re often navigating shifts in organizations, changes in leadership, new business directions, and evolving company cultures. More often than not, these transformations are beyond our individual control, and any resistance we experience is usually due to attachment to preconceived ideas and expectations. Again, by staying engaged and focused but choosing to reliquish of control of the outcome, we can go easier on ourselves and open up to new possibilities. Adapting to the changing landscape becomes a less painful exercise and we find we can contribute our unique perspectives, and seize opportunities that emerge.

Our greatest obstacle in all this is of course, our good old ego. More and more, I actively try to observe my reactions and emotions when confronted with situations beyond my control. This helps me recognize patterns, challenge my irritation and understand where and why I struggle to let go. Choosing to rather see whatever comes my way as an opportunity for growth and learning "in theory" allows me to be more receptive to new perspectives. It’s an exercise in embracing imperfection....and freedom.

Building meaningful relationships as we navigate all of this can help. For my part, seeking out authentic exchanges with different people energizes me and helps me to appreciate diverse perspectives. Honest exchanges of experiences, feelings and ideas can both reassure us and spark inspiration. Despite my busy schedule, I really try to stay grounded in the present moment as I find it helps me face challenges with more clarity and purpose. Alas, I don’t always succeed.

Letting go and practicing forgiveness can apply to us all. Being free of unnecessary burdens can help us to face the unpredictability of life and work with a remarkable lightness. Far from an expert myself, I nonetheless encourage you to join me in letting go more, and enjoying the ride.