Workplace friendship

Are you over friendly at work, especially with your immediate superiors? Do your colleagues at work know more than they should know? Does your boss know too much about you personally? Do you talk to your co-workers and collaborators – too often about your family, personal life and private stuffs? Well, you should be careful about the pitfall of being friendliness in your professional spaces.

Are you surrounded by “The Annoying Know-It-Alls” or real people with “Unique blend of culture, compassion, convictions, courage & competence”? Either way, you got to adapt, ameliorate and aspire to be better. Blessed are those who are in company with good people whom you could be friendly and share virtues of life. People at your work can really be valuable to you, as they are there by-your-side during your working hours and beyond, but can this be perpetually and uniformly good, that is the matter of juxtaposition, counter facts and reality of unique & individual situations.

Ever since I was born, I have seen my father’s friends exclusively from workplace, his colleagues, seniors & subordinates – sans distinctions were good friends, remarkably few of them had been together for their whole life long. Still even after two decades of the death of my father, few of them yet visit, keep in touch and act as guardians to us. We always have considered them as household (????? ????????), keep them in loop for all major events, especially on socials, advisories on family matters etc.

I have gained few meaningful acquaintances & friends from work / professional network – they are highly knowledgeable, with morality and character par excellence. I have few unpleasant experiences as well from work friendliness. At one point of my career journey, some personal information was used against me. I would term that as jealously and sense of inferiority & insecurity though, notwithstanding I was at mistake to trust a work colleague to share some personal information (Of course it wasn’t anything bad by any means from my part).

Workplace friendship generally proven to be good for both employees and organizations. It fosters a great sense of belongingness, reduces quitting & turnovers, promotes creativity, supports innovations, and impact overall performances of team & organization as collective. Friendships at workplaces bind people closer, create a feel-good positive environment and foster employees to feel fun to come to work. Friendships at work are typically seen beneficially impactful. However, friendships can also create complexities and tensions for those inside and outside the circle. Workplace friendship does have grey sides – not limited to rumors, sexual haraWorkplace friendship generally proven to be good for both employees and organizations. It fosters a great sense of belongingness, reduces quitting & turnovers, promotes creativity, supports innovations, and impact overall performances of team & organization as collective. Friendships at workplaces bind people closer, create a feel-good positive environment and foster employees to feel fun to come to work. Friendships at work are typically seen beneficially impactful. However, friendships can also create complexities and tensions for those inside and outside the circle. Workplace friendship does have grey sides – not limited to rumors, sexual harassments, undue preferences, nepotism, favoritism and more. Interests of friendships could be directly in conflict with interests of the team, unit and organization. Such topsy-turvy situations and circumstances often lead to very complex situations, sometimes to the extent of bankruptcy, company and business closures.ssments, undue preferences, nepotism, favoritism and more. Interests of friendships could be directly in conflict with interests of the team, unit and organization. Such topsy-turvy situations and circumstances often lead to very complex situations, sometimes to the extent of bankruptcy, company and business closures.

Social norms that say ‘the most beautiful relationship in the world is friendship’, however, this isn’t well established whether friendships can exist at work without compromising on professional integrity, work commitments, growth trajectories and one’s overall career journey potentials. Workplace friendships have been observed as a non-exclusive, spontaneous relationship founded on shared mutual interests, aligned values, trust, commitment, and enjoyments (Berman et al., 2002). A relational forum, with socioemotional and instrumental function, that presents an informal, intimate, and voluntary connection between employees (Dobel, 2001).

Research findings show workplaces deliver better performances - where relationships are good. Workplace friendships act as enabler for innovation, job satisfaction, and proactive engagement. At the same time, friendships in the workplace may also lead to complexities and challenges for those inside and outside the perimeters. There are multitude of research on how relationships outside of work influence your work and personal life. We also have good research about the influences of friendships at workplaces and beyond.?However, while studying the subject, I find insufficiency of research writeups and resources on work friendliness, its implications on individual and organizational performances and KPIs.

In modern days business, industrial and economic environment, organizations focus on formal roles, authorities & features. You can’t control whom you would be placed together with in a team, work group or matrix of reporting. You have involuntary relationships that are necessitated out of roles & responsibilities. There are multiple instrumental goals that you need to pursue, not limited to relational goals, to achieve organizational tasks, objectives and missions. You as an individual have a lot of exchange-based norms that dominate, rather than need-based norms. These different features of organizational life sometimes clash with personal relationships. Therefore, navigating how to be a good friend in an organizational context can be complex & challenging. It’s never about person but has implications for other aspects of the organization.

We often get confused with friendship and networking. If friendships are detrimental, then what is of networking actually? Prima facie, friendship and networking could appear to be same, however, intents behind both are fundamentally differential. Friendships are primarily vested in socials, therefore tend to be more centrally focused on interpersonal benefits, including health & wellness, common social interests, and shared values. By inference, people within friendships become less motivated by instrumental concerns, such as pecuniary gains, influences, and status. Networks, by contrast, are more centrally focused on developing & maintaining relationships that can assist the achievements of clear & specific professional objectives. Of course, we may naturally incline to develop friendships while networking, but it is not the basic purpose. The purpose of networking is a clear and mutually agreed upon interactions, principally directed by career advancements, business relationships, mutual interests and other tangible efforts. It is transactional and most importantly, it is an endeavor could be common to all.

We got to follow our boundary transparency, at work and in professional network. Due to our overexposure to social media that provides wide window into our personal lives, whether it’s about children or the activities we do in our holidays, weekend and personal vacations. Social media has access to get into your past, and discover what you have done or were doing few years back. This is something that didn’t exist a decade ago. It is the floodgate of disclosure in this differential form — that can bring you closer to your work colleagues, friends and extended families, but also may lead to some discoveries about you as a person that you would wish others didn’t know.

I safely recall a maxim in Urdu, as was often told by my university senior Aisha Khatoon, "???? ?? ?????? ???? ??? ???? ???? ???? ??? ???? ??” Give your friends unconditional love, but never give your secrets. Little did I realize the power of this wisdom, back then in my teens. The core of our discussion is how to safeguard self at workplaces while being not completely distant from friendliness and the same time stay committed to professional integrity, loyal to the organization and focused for the purpose of role. I am not here to recommend any strategy for friendships at work. However, few steps that could be prescribed to ensure that workplace friendships are equitably beneficial among teams, and do not develop into unfavorable surprises impacting individuals and the organization: ?

Setting clear demarcation: We often blur the line between workplace role and personal friendship. Do not pursue that practice, be polite, courteous and kind to everyone without forgetting its your workplace and you have jobs to do. You are not in social events and home parties.

Personal is personal: Stay focused on your work, leaving personal stuffs, private matters out of the equation. Avoid sharing family, personal life, children, spouses and partners. The pitfall of misuse of such information is eminent and only you yourself can protect yourself by being conscious and fully alert. ?

Keeping your head high: Maintain high morality, ethics and best practices always. Practice ethical, professional conduct and coordinal relationship with every stakeholder but never confuse with them as friends. There is absolutely no need to be friendly with everyone, you can’t click with all – be very choosy whom to be friends and whom not to be. Its your choice at your full discretion.

Be authentic:?The best an individual can be is owing his/er authenticity. You should not have to change who you are, share more than you feel comfortable, without compromising on values. Stop being people-pleaser and cut down all fakes and futilities that could cultivate useless friendliness at work.

Caring about team dynamics:?You may be friends with people that are not friends with each other, so things said to you in confidence should remain with you. Avoid gossips, loose talks and other informal discussions by all means. Less conversations, limited discussions, clear and crips communications all the time.

Relationship Gap: Always be mindful about the boss-friend demarcation. As managers it’s critical to ensure that friendships do not lead to undue favoritism, biased preferences and compromised decision-making. This requires very candid approach to ‘work-play’ boundaries, ensuring that benefits are conferred equitably among the whole team. For example, invite the entire team to dinner – no exclusions, as opposed to just those you’re friendly with. By doing so, not only ensures equitable fairness, but it can lead to the formation of constructive relationship between colleagues.

Work friendliness isn’t bad per se, however we all got to be mindful while being at work and beyond. Our colleagues, coworkers, superiors and bosses may have different career aspirations, priorities and objectives in life than ours’. While its always essential to work, collaborate and engage with them, however, never forget yourself in the equation. Prioritize yourself, your own career journey, professional growth and next level advancements. You should never be left behind than others whom you definitely like, admire and respect. It’s nothing selfish about thinking about and prioritizing yourself first.

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