The Workplace Detox: Cleansing Toxic Behaviours with Sage Advice

Leading on from my last article on burnout, lets dive into one of the biggest issues I often hear from clients; How to deal with toxic relationships or workplaces?

Most of us will have experienced toxicity in our careers either from team members or managers. According to a 2023 survey by Monster.com, 63% of workers believe they work in a toxic environment, with many reporting that it negatively impacts their mental health.

Still not convinced? Let’s talk numbers. To those companies that may be ignoring those “toxic but perceived high performers”, here's the reality in numbers: a 2019 SHRM report found that toxic workplace cultures cost U.S. employers $223 billion over a five-year period due to turnover. (Pre pandemic). Increased cases of workplace stress illnesses is costing U.S. employers ~$300 billion in losses annually (American Institute of Stress, 2023).

We should all also ask ourselves whether we are complicit in creating a toxic environment unconsciously or consciously.

How can we stop the toxic ripple before damage to the organisational culture, people and profit is beyond repair?

What does a toxic workplace look like?

Picture this: You wake up and immediately feel a knot in your stomach knowing that it’s a work day. That’s what a toxic workplace feels like, but what does it look like?

A toxic workplace is characterised by persistent negative behaviours, attitudes, or systemic issues that create psychological, emotional, or even physical distress for workers. Just a few of these can be factors:

• Poor communication: lack of transparency, unclear expectations, or frequent misunderstandings
• Unethical behaviour: dishonesty, or disregard for company policies and values
• Bullying or harassment: intimidation, exclusion, or any form of workplace abuse
• Poor leadership: managers who are incompetent, overly controlling, or abusive
• High staff churn: frequent resignations due to job dissatisfaction or burnout

In a workplace context, "toxic" really implies more than just a challenging or high-pressure environment or the occasional issues or conflicts.

How does a workplace become toxic?

As the old adage goes, people don’t quit bad companies, they quit bad managers.

Only 10% of UK workers were found to feel engaged with their jobs according to Gallup’s State of the Global Workforce 2024 report, which is trailing behind the US and other countries. To put it another way, 90% of employees are “quietly quitting.” That’s a shocking stat.

Our daily actions however small can create ripples that extend far beyond our immediate circle. These ripples, whether positive or negative, shape the fabric of our work environment and culture.

Let’s break down these toxic behaviours that cause harm. Think of it as your personal detox guide:

1. The Critic and Manipulator: They frequently criticise others' work or ideas, in an nonconstructive manner, often using emotional manipulation tactics like guilt-tripping or gas-lighting to control situations and people
2. The Gossip: They spread rumours and talk negatively about colleagues behind their backs, creating an atmosphere of distrust and division
3. The Credit Thief: They take credit for others' work or ideas, diminishing their colleagues' contributions and boosting their own image
4. The Bully (read… Misogynist, Racist or other ists) : They use intimidation, humiliation, or aggression to assert dominance over others, often targeting those they perceive as weaker or threatening to their position
5. The Mood Swinger: Their unpredictable mood swings create a tense environment where colleagues feel they're "walking on eggshells"
6. The Sloped Shoulders: They never take accountability for their mistakes, instead blaming others or circumstances for their failures
7. The Attention Seeker: They constantly seek the spotlight, often at the expense of team harmony and collaborative efforts
8. The Pessimist: They consistently focus on the negative, bringing down team morale and stifling creativity and innovation
9. The Micromanager: They excessively control and monitor others' work, demonstrating a lack of trust and stifling autonomy and growth
10. The Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: They express negative feelings indirectly, often through subtle insults, stubbornness, or deliberate procrastination, while maintaining an inflated sense of self-importance and expect constant admiration from others

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While these toxic behaviours can affect anyone, it's important to recognise that some groups, particularly women and minorities, often bear the brunt of workplace toxicity.

Understanding is the first step in identifying and addressing toxicity in your work environment.

For leaders, making psychological safety a priority in your teams is critical. Since Covid19, employees are rightly taking stock of what matters to them and prioritising wellbeing, work-life balance, a sense of belonging and of course appropriate remuneration. For companies struggling with return to office policies, perhaps think differently and take a check of how toxic your workplace may be?

But I don’t feel that our place is that toxic…or biased.

Now, you might be thinking “hold on, my workplace isn’t that bad”. But here’s the thing:

A key reason why many companies are failing at their diversity, equity and inclusion agendas is that there is a lack of collective understanding and empathy that not all diverse communities are treated equally or have equitable access to opportunities.

Inherent in this is the lack of acceptance that we all have unconscious biases that impact our decision making. To improve judgement on a regular basis, a commitment is needed for continuous learning, development and courageous action to make the unconscious conscious.

Subtle forms of toxicity, including gender bias and microaggressions, can go unnoticed by those not directly affected.

Let me spotlight gender bias to back up this point. Women experience microaggressions at a significantly higher rate than men.

Women are 2.5 times more likely to get comments on their appearance, 2 times more likely to have been mistaken for someone more junior and 2 times more likely to get comments on their emotional state. (Women in the Workplace study, McKinsey & LeanIn.org, 2023).

Common scenarios which create toxic work environments for women:

• The lack of credit: Tessa, a talent, consistently develops innovative ideas during team meetings. However, her male colleague, John, frequently restates her ideas later in the meeting, receiving praise from the manager as if the ideas were his own.
• The maternal wall: Beatrice, a high-performer returns from maternity leave to find her role has been unofficially diminished. Her manager starts assigning major accounts to her male colleagues, citing concerns about her "commitment".
• The double standards: Alex, a senior manager, faces a constant dilemma in her leadership style. When she's assertive and direct, colleagues label her as "bossy" or "aggressive." When she adopts a more collaborative approach, she's perceived as "too soft" for leadership.

Addressing these particular issues requires not only better awareness and targeted interventions, but a strategic commitment to creating inclusive workplace cultures and active allyship from colleagues when spotted. Also understanding that the impact of “micro”aggression left unchecked is very much more “macro” in nature.

What can you do about it?

Alright, so we’ve identified the problems especially those that disproportionately affect certain groups, but what’s the solution? It’s clear that we need more people willing to speak up and act. That’s where being an upstander comes in.

Though I do want to acknowledge that it takes courage and there are various reasons why people are merely bystanders.

Take a leader who might not be addressing the impact a toxic team member is having on the rest of the team as they themselves are under pressure or don’t like conflict, so do nothing in the hopes it will just sort itself

Or the bystander who has witnessed the toxic behaviour from a boss who frequently loses their temper and shouts at a colleague but are fearful they’ll be targeted, or they just don’t know what to say or do… so do nothing

I’ll caveat here that a vicious cycle can start to appear as humans under stress can behave very differently and not be in a position to be themselves, so unintentionally can be feeding a toxic environment.

If a toxic environment is impacting your health, please do seek support and take the brave move towards finding a better place for you to thrive, and not just survive in.

I’ve certainly had to walk away from a toxic manager or two earlier in my career and sometimes that’s the wisest move vs trying to stick it out. As your career unfolds you inevitably learn from both good and bad experiences.

I’ve learnt over the years that by embodying the principles of authenticity, courage, and creating my own personal code of ethics I can be the inclusive leader, and positive change maker I want to be.

Granted, it’s not easy to do, however it is empowering as you continue to build resilience and grow closer towards your potential.

Creating Upstanders

Here’s where you come in, Its time to pluck up the courage to move from being a bystander to an upstander. But does that mean?

To be clear, doing nothing is in fact doing something - We become part of the problem, allowing the toxic culture to continue, be normalised and grow. Being a bystander, can have far-reaching consequences in the workplace.

But here's the silver lining: if negative actions can have such a profound impact, imagine the power of positive ones. If you take stock of your daily interactions, are you contributing to a vibrant and supportive atmosphere?

8 Upstander strategies I’ve used.

These strategies are particularly crucial when addressing biases and microaggressions that disproportionately affect certain groups

1. The "Interrupt and Redirect" technique

Scenario: Appearance-based microaggression during a meeting, a male client comments on Lisa's appearance rather than her presentation, saying, "You look lovely today. That dress really suits you."

Strategy: Refocus on Professionalism Respond:

Example: "Let's keep things professional. While I'm sure Lisa appreciates the compliment, I think we should focus on her excellent presentation. Lisa, could you elaborate on the analysis you mentioned?"

2. The "Question the Behaviour" approach

Scenario: You overhear a coworker spreading gossip about another team member.

Strategy: Ask questions that make the gossiper reflect on their behaviour.

Example: "How do you think Joe would feel if he heard this? There’s no place for gossip in the work place, is there a work-related reason we need to discuss this?"

3. The "Ally in the Moment" tactic

Scenario: A team member is consistently talked over or interrupted in meetings.

Strategy: Speak up and bring attention back to the interrupted person.

Example: "I'd like to hear the rest of Alex's idea as it’s a great one. Alex, you were saying?"

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4. The "Word in Private" method

Scenario: You notice a manager consistently giving unfair criticism to a particular employee.

Strategy: Approach the manager privately to express your concerns.

Example: ?"I've noticed a pattern in your feedback to Mark., which you may not have been aware of, can we discuss this?"

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5. The "Document and Report" approach

Scenario: You witness repeated microaggressions against a minority colleague.

Strategy: Make a factual record of any incidents and report them through proper channels with HR.

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6. The "Educate and Inform" approach

Scenario: Colleagues use outdated or offensive terms without realising it.

Strategy: Share information about inclusive language.

Example: "Did you know the term White Knight is considered offensive? Here's an alternative we could use..."

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7. The "Support After the Fact" Method

Scenario: You witness someone being treated unfairly in a meeting but didn't speak up at the time.

Strategy: Reach out to the person afterwards to offer support and discuss how to address similar situations in the future.

Example: “Hey, just wanted to check in on you …on reflection I wished I had said something at the time as that wasn’t ok”

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8. The "Lead by Example" approach

Scenario: The workplace culture is generally passive in the face of toxicity. Strategy: Consistently model upstander behaviour. When you speak up, you give others permission and courage to do the same.

Turning bystanders into upstanders is about creating a culture where speaking up and listening up is the norm, not the exception. It requires consistent effort, clear communication, and support with tone from the top. By empowering employees to address toxic behaviours in the moment, organisations can significantly improve their workplace culture.

It may seem scary to do at first, but with every action comes more confidence. Every supportive comment, every instance of active listening, every moment of genuine recognition is a small step toward a healthier, more productive environment.

Sidenote: these strategies can be adapted for remote/hybrid work environments, networking events and even large family gatherings.

Go from bystander to upstander: Be the Change

If you want to discuss these or other effective strategies for how to deal with a toxic situation you may be facing or leverage my real world experience of how to foster a culture of active allyship and create a more inclusive and high performing organisation – do book at 30 minute discovery call with me to discuss.

Remember, creating a positive workplace isn’t just about grand gestures. It’s about the small actions we can take every day. By taking responsibility, by choosing to be upstanders rather than silent bystanders, we have the power to create inclusive workplaces that foster growth, innovation, and success.

So what’s one action you can do today to be an upstander?

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Check out my website? https://conrad-da-cunha.com for more information on ways we can work together.

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