Workplace Conflict: Almost Punched a Lady?

Our small room at Airtel Nigeria 's Service Desk always had three or four people in the room. So there were witnesses. On the other hand, the door was typically shut; our phone conversations were kept within the room. This particular conversation was heated but we had been trained to handle irate customers so one couldn't quite tell what was going on on the phone until the lady met me at the door as I was walking out to the bathroom. She was an internal customer, very close by.

There was probably about an inch between us as we exchanged words by the door, face to face. A witness later commented that this young lady was doing everything with her body language to "inspire" me to hit first. That would have been fatal professionally speaking. She also accurately mentioned that while I raised my voice, I did not use derogatory expressions or abusive words. It is not the way we are in my family. I do remember words thrown at yours truly in the confrontation though.

• You are not up to my house boy! (low income vs. high income dichotomy)
• Go and find a job, this is not a job (contract vs. permanent staff dichotomy)
• Bla bla bla (sharp shooter vs. gentleman dichotomy) [lol]

When unwholesome words are used on you because of your perceived status in life and in the workplace, it hurts. But you really want to stay focused on your assignment and your journey. That is a tiny piece of wisdom.

You Meet Different Kinds in the Corporate World

In your career you are likely to meet quite a broad range of people types. You will meet those who simply do not like you no matter what you do. You will meet those who consider themselves greater than you. You will meet those who think you do not deserve what you are getting from the company. There are those who simply do not like anyone from your family, tribe, political party or nation. These foundational factors are triggers for all sorts of conflicts in the workplace.

There are cold conflicts and hot conflicts. Cold conflicts play out with people who simply ignore you, patronize you or make sarcastic remarks about your work which everyone else considers a joke. You are not in a position to tell them it is not a joke but a symptom of dislike. You simply absorb it. When it comes to hot conflicts, those involved may yell at each other in the office with professional sounding topics as the excuse for the fight, hiding underlying causes. The workplace thus becomes a toxic envionment.

Someone said one is not in the office to make friends, but if anyone wants to be friendly, it makes working together better. Your employer on the other hand does not want anything that will compromise the work that you are paid to do so if you have become enemies with someone for any reason, better toe the line of keeping things professional. I remember the words of Ima Wole-Awodipe who said,

"You spend about one-third of your life in the office so that office must be a comfortable place to be" [paraphrased].

When You Want to Respond, Refrain

I once overheard my supervisor expressing her thoughts on difficult people back then. I have chosen to protect her identity because of the nature of this piece. In her opinion, there are many ways to tell someone "You are an idiot" without explicitly saying it. There is some wisdom in this view though I would rather not habour animosity in the first place. The wisdom if you must respond to an antagonistic person, do it with enough tact to pass the message and yet not get into trouble with your employer. It takes quite some level of control to do this. Don't be the victim, don't let distracted people distract you. You are building a career.

In the specific case I started this article with, when we eventually started speaking with top bosses and the HRBP, nothing could be proven on either side except the accounts of witnesses. She, the HRBP, let me know that the more likely outcome would be both of us would be let go if we took the matter up any further. Imagine being let go from a company because of a fight. Think long term, be tactful, be strategic.

Weighing Options and Consequences

Imagine if I had punched my dear female colleague in the office or we had escalated the matter to the point where we both faced exit. Who would be disadvantaged?

• I was a young single man building his career and life at the very early stages. She was a married woman whose husband was well off and financially secure.
• I was a contract staff answering to a recruitment agency in a multi-national company and she was a "permanent" staff with potential to fight for benefits if she was laid off.
• I was next in line in terms of succession as Service Desk Supervisor but from feelers, her own boss was wary of her and her potential for creating turbulence (no insult intended).

In my place, they say when the rat and the lizard sit out in the rain, one gets wet, the other does not. Do you have capacity to withstand the rain? You must be strategic in evaluating this and picking your fights. It doesn't make you lily-livered, it just makes you wise. Focus on why you are in the office.

To All the office Bullies Out There

The position I have expressed in the preceding section does not imply that if you feel you are the one at an advantage in terms of power, position and the size of your purse, you can go ahead and pick fights, taking things to "their logical conclusion". Think about all the other useful ways you can spend your energy. Think about how circular the world is.

Change is only a matter of time and the victory might just lie in the shame you feel when you see the one you were oppresing in a higher position than yourself just a few years down the line. They say one should make friends while climbing up. The wise saying is often not because of the fear of retribution, it could be because of the closed doors you are creating in your future because of the enemies you are making.

Wrapping it All Up

"Soja go, soja come, barracks remain" they say in Nigeria. The workplace is a temporary place and so is the world. We must work at making the best of it while it lasts. The attitude with which we take our journey might be the key to creating new opportunities. No one wants to work with troublemakers, we all have enough trouble as it is. So when you make people disposed to not choosing you, you are narrowing your chances.

Build your career for the long term. Avoiding unnecessary conflicts is one way to make sure you are focused on that growth. When in doubt, escalate. Be friendly but remain official in your way of working. You don't have to be friends with everyone but you have to get the job done. Have an awesome week ahead.