workplace bullying and other misadventures

Bullies Victims and Saboteurs - How values stop the show

Welcome to the workplace circus, where covert bullies roam like sly acrobats trying to throw you off balance. Forget about lion tamers; here, we're dealing with the masters of manipulation, the architects of confusion, and the kings and queens of control. But fear not, because we've got your back with witty insights, comical anecdotes, and a guide to spot these covert bullies before they even know you've seen through their act.

The Covert Bullies Unveiled:

In the grand circus tent of workplace dynamics, not all bullies wear the same costume. No, no, we've got a special breed of covert bullies who prefer psychological juggling over physical intimidation. They're the puppet masters pulling strings behind the scenes, dropping seeds of doubt and flattery like confetti. Spotting them requires a keen eye, a dash of humor, and maybe a pair of metaphorical clown glasses.

15 Tips to Spot a Covert Bully:

1. The Flattery Flop: Beware of excessive compliments that feel more like a trapeze act than genuine praise.
2. Triangulation Tricks: If they're whispering sweet nothings about your colleagues to you, watch out for their sneaky circus tricks.
3. Deductive Per Persuasion: When they start sounding like Sherlock Holmes, deducting their way into your psyche, it's time to raise an eyebrow.
4. Seed Droppers: If they're planting seeds of doubt faster than a gardener on caffeine, it's not your imagination; it's their covert playbook.
5. Brand Builders: Complimenting your greatness? They might be crafting a brand for you, but it's more like a brand of control.
6. Social Power Plays: When they suggest sharing your fantastic ideas with the world, beware – they're setting the stage for their own power trip.
7. Awkward Flattery Feels: That uncomfortable feeling you get when they compliment you? It's not just indigestion; it's a covert manipulation tactic.
8. Withdrawal Warning: If you sense their support comes with strings attached, be ready to cut those strings before they use them against you.
9. Imploding Compliments: The "you're doing great, and I'd love to tell others about it" line is their way of building you up just to enjoy tearing you down later.
10. Uncomfortable Compliment Chill: Genuine compliments feel warm; covert compliments leave you with an unsettling chill.In the grand spectacle of workplace dynamics, we've uncovered the covert bullies, those masters of manipulation. But here's the kicker – bullying is not a solo act; it's a peer group production. It thrives on the choices we make, the power we surrender, and the roles we play in the circus. Buckle up as we unravel the enigma of the victim, the wounded rescuer, and how honesty, accountability, and values are the true superheroes in the battle against workplace bullying.The Victim: Enter the Pity Party MaestroIn this workplace drama, the victim, or as we affectionately call them, the "Self-Pity Symphony Conductor," takes center stage. They thrive on the attention garnered from their perpetual wounds, playing the same tune of victimhood on repeat. It's not purposeful; it's a familiar script from the family playbook, a déjà vu of victimization. But here's the twist – the victim holds a key to the bully's power. They willingly hand over control, allowing the bully's circus to flourish. Break free from the self-pity carousel, and the bully's grip starts to loosen.The Wounded Rescuer: Unmasking the Saviors of the BullyNow, let's shine a spotlight on the wounded rescuer, or as we'll call them, the "Benevolent Bully Sidekick." These unsung heroes need the bully dynamic like oxygen. They rush in to save, soothe, deflect, and protect – a purpose in the team's drama. It's not malicious; it's a subconscious echo of family dynamics replayed in the workplace. But here's the rub – to stay relevant, the wounded rescuer needs a bully in play. Remove the bully, and the rescuer loses their raison d'être. Break the cycle, and the bully's circus tent starts collapsing.Spotting the Enablers: 15 Tips to Unmask the Unsung Allies of Bullieskeep your eyes peeled for these signs that your team is an enabler of politics, manipulation and bullying.

1. Silent Approval Syndrome: Enablers remain silent when witnessing bullying, implicitly endorsing the behavior.
2. Evasive Accountability: They deflect responsibility and avoid holding the bully accountable for their actions.
3. Selective Blindness: Enablers conveniently overlook the bully's behavior, turning a blind eye to their antics.
4. Excuse Makers: They justify or minimize the impact of the bully's actions, making excuses for their behavior.
5. Minimization Masters: Enablers downplay the severity of bullying incidents, dismissing them as trivial.
6. False Neutrality: Claiming neutrality, enablers fail to take a stand against the bully, inadvertently siding with them.
7. Gossip Gurus: They engage in gossip or share confidential information, contributing to the toxic atmosphere.
8. Alliance Builders: Enablers forge alliances with the bully, seeking protection or favor in return for loyalty.
9. Fearful Followers: Driven by fear, enablers comply with the bully's demands, or side with the victims perpetuating the cycle of control by causing a continued disunity in the team instead of speaking out
10. Complicit Silence: When enablers witness bullying, manipulation or avoidance they choose to stay silent, contributing to a culture of fear.
11. Excuse the Inexcusable: They rationalize the actions, excusing behavior that is clearly unacceptable, they didn't mean it, they had a bad day - they aren't malicious, it was just a mistake
12. Indifferent Bystanders: Enablers show indifference to the suffering of victims, or quietly support but publicly say nothing - prioritizing personal comfort over justice.
13. Gaslighting Supporters: They may gaslight victims, making them question their own experiences and perceptions, is this to stay on side with the bully? is it because they just dont want to deal with a difficult situation?
14. Cozy Cliques: Enablers form cliques with the bully or with those who are under the power of the bully, creating an environment that isolates and marginalizes others. even a clique of "survivors" is still a clique. This is marginalising behaviour and avoidant.
15. Undeserved Empathy: They extend empathy and understanding exclusively to the bully, ignoring the pain inflicted on others or thrive off the empathy they give to the victims. The victim NEEDS them. The Real Superheroes: Honesty, Accountability, and ValuesTo squash a workplace bully, we need more than clown shoes and rubber chickens; we need values. It's time to increase honesty and understand the impact of manipulation and sycophancy (the art of sucking up). We need a crash course in accountability – not just pointing fingers, but owning our choices and actions. It's about recognizing that the workplace isn't a stage for family drama reruns; it's a space for growth, collaboration, and respect.15 Tips to Squash the Bully Culture:

1. Own Your Choices: Don't let the victim or the rescuer define your narrative; own your choices.
2. Break the Family Script: Recognize the patterns playing out and hit pause on the family rerun.
3. Value-Based Living: Embrace values as the compass guiding your actions in the workplace circus.
4. Cut the Puppet Strings: Refuse to be a puppet in the bully's show; cut those strings with assertiveness.
5. Spot the Sycophancy: Identify the suck-up tactics and steer clear of manipulative games.
6. Accountability Check: Hold yourself accountable, and demand the same from others.
7. No More Drama Queens: Drop the drama, and watch the bully struggle to find an audience.
8. Team Honesty Hour: Create a culture of honesty where everyone's cards are on the table.
9. Collaboration Over Competition: Shift from a competitive mindset to a collaborative one.
10. Empowerment, Not Enabling: Empower your colleagues rather than enabling the bully's antics.
11. Stand Up, Speak Up: Be the voice of reason and stand up against bullying behavior.
12. Value Alignment: Surround yourself with individuals who share your values.
13. Workplace Civility Pledge: Establish a workplace civility pact to foster a respectful environment.
14. Training on Values: Integrate values into workplace training programs.
15. Bully-Free Zone: Proclaim your workspace as a bully-free zone; let the values shine.

The workplace circus is a complex dance of choices, roles, and dynamics. By understanding the power of the victim, the rescuer, and the true superheroes – honesty, accountability, and values – we can dismantle the bully's tent pole by pole. So, let's rewrite the script, break free from family reruns, and turn the workplace circus into a comedy of collaboration, respect, and shared values. After all, in this circus, the real stars are those who choose kindness over chaos. And who live their values to the full.