Workplace Bullying

(An Essay – by Astrid Schwizer – March 2024)

[Definition:] “Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words, or more subtle actions.” (Source: American Psychological Association)

Introduction:

In the first paragraph, we read how bullying is defined. What we want to determine now is:

1.????? How do we recognize a bully?

2.????? Are there different kinds of bullying?

3.????? Why is a bully acting like they do?

4.????? How do we react to a bully?

5.????? What can we do? Is there help?

The American Psychological Association, of course, had the definition right. But I’d like to explore the emotional aspects of both bully and victim.

What I discovered isn’t lovely, mildly expressed. Precisely presented, bullying is a fun and devilishly bizarre game for the bully, revealing character weakness, deeply rooted fear of failure, insecurity, the knowledge that somebody could discover the truth about a lack of education, intelligence, emotional range, jealousy, and a few other reasons. I’ll get to that a bit later.

The victim, the recipient on the wrong end, is suffering every single day. We are talking about children, teenagers, and adults; there is no limit to who the victims are.

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1.????? How do we recognize a bully?

Forbes published an article about bullies :

Red Flags To Watch Out For

• Your tormentor constantly makes hostile comments and insults and digs at you, ridiculing the way you talk, look, act, and behave. They call into question how you got this far in your career.
• You are purposely ostracized, excluded from important meetings and email chains, belittled in public with intimidating and aggressive behavior, and are not provided psychological safety.
• They intentionally withhold critical information needed to do your job, sabotage your career, and take credit for work that you did.
• Your aggressor makes threats about your job safety, as well as your safety.
• This person launches a smear campaign and tries to turn everyone in the office against you.
• You are the subject of rumors and gossip.
• They write scathing content online about you, leave menacing voice messages, or stalk you.

Sometimes, the tormenter uses a few of the mentioned points but not the others. Sometimes, they use all of them, but the victim always suffers no matter what and how it’s done. Toxic environments are lethal for every work relationship and have a horrible effect on the victim’s mental and sometimes physical health.

2.????? Are there different kinds of bullying?

‘Very Well Mind’ informs us:

There are six different kinds of bullying: physical, verbal, relational, cyber, sexual, and prejudicial.

The physical version is most likely used by children and teens in schools. Unfortunately, the other five versions are everywhere, including in the workplace.

However, I will not exclude physical bullying in the workplace. Even though I never experienced it, I have been told by a victim what she has been going through. It wasn’t a story for the fainthearted.

As far as personal experience goes, I have been bullied time and time again since my school time, including physical bullying. I have to say: As a kid, it’s easier to stand up for yourself and teach the bully a lesson: you walk over and slap the kid across the face, depending on how bad the bullying is, even more than once. And until this day, I stand behind that statement.

This way of standing up for yourself is severely limited as an adult if you don’t want to risk a lawsuit. But there are other ways to defend yourself. I will get to that in a moment.

3.????? Where does bullying come from?

Generally, the answer to this question is quickly answered: “It’s everywhere.” Yes, it is. It can start in Kindergarten, in school, on the playground, in College, and the workplace. But what is the cause?

The Better Help Website informs us that there are many causes of bullying. I’m picking some of the causes to show them here. However, the article is quite helpful, and I recommend it to everyone who advocates against bullying.

·??????? An attempt to improve social standing

·??????? Lack of skills for emotional control

·??????? Troubled personal relationships

·??????? A lack of social skills and empathy

·??????? A mental health condition

The reasons for bullying are manifold, and there is only one thing that all these reasons have in common: It’s no excuse to torment others. They matter whether children or adults.

4.????? How do we react to a bully?

This, now, isn’t as easy as it’s sometimes shown.

Let’s see what ‘Psychology Today’ has to say about this:

1. Remember that your safety comes first.
2. Say something to the bully and document it.?
3. Tell someone and file a report.?Tell somebody else what happened. Tell your boss. If it’s your boss who is the bully, tell your boss’s boss. If you feel comfortable going to HR, do so. If you do not, tell a trusted mentor or coworker who may have a trusted boss or supervisor higher up in the organization. Some organizations even allow anonymous reporting of bullying or harassment in the workplace, so look at your company’s employee policies and procedures.
4. Practice self-care.Seek therapy or counseling?to heal and recover from the harmful effects of workplace bullying. Remember, you may have free and confidential sessions through your employer’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

• Work on a confidence or?assertiveness ?training program.
• Cultivate stability and?emotional intelligence ?by practicing?mindfulness ?like?meditation , deep breathing, and yoga. Studies reveal mental and physical health benefits?include improving stress regulation?and decreasing emotional reactivity.
• Create a?support system ?at work by seeking out like-minded colleagues and finding a trusted mentor.
• Work on a mental fitness program for recovery, such as?The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life.
• Seek?legal advocacy.

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According to online advice, the victim is advised to confront the bully, provided that physical safety is guaranteed. Generally, I would agree with that, but then I have to consider that being a Martial Artist gives me a different sense of safety and self-defense in the physical department. We are talking about bullying in the workplace. I want to think physical attacks are not generally on the agenda. The reason why I still don’t recommend confronting the bully is nowadays, there is a demand for proof. If there is a possibility of delivering evidence, the victim should go for it. If not, leave it. It could turn out to become much, much worse after the bully sees you suffering. And that’s not a particularly nice turn of things.

Say something to the bully and document it… If nobody witnesses this encounter, there is no proof for anyone. In many ways, it’s far easier for bosses to keep their eyes shut and pretend there is no bullying happening and everyone in their company/department/team is happy and cheerful.

Tell somebody else what happened. Tell your boss. If it’s your boss who is the bully, tell your boss’s boss. If you feel comfortable going to HR, do so. If you do not, tell a trusted mentor or coworker who may have a trusted boss or supervisor higher up in the organization. Some organizations even allow anonymous reporting of bullying or harassment in the workplace, so look at your company’s employee policies and procedures.?

This is a very difficult decision now. Should I tell someone what happened? Should I tell my boss? If my bully is the boss, I should tell the boss’s boss… go to HR…

Imagine the following situation:

• You are working directly with the CEO/Owner of a company, the highest boss, so to speak (there is nobody ‘higher’ in the company's hierarchy). So, who would you want to tell it to?
• You tell it to a coworker? If said coworker tells you, “Oh, that happens all the time… it will stop eventually,” it isn’t very helpful. Here, you have someone who is literally too unemotional or far too introverted to have the guts to speak out about it. When you find out others have been bullied as well and didn’t say a word, scared to risk their jobs, it won’t take you anywhere either.
• Go to HR. What if the bully is the ‘highest’ HR person responsible? You’re screwed.

Practice self-care

This paragraph starts with ‘Seek counseling.’ My question is, why? It’s not my fault, nor is it my doing. Why should I be the one seeking counseling? Well, generally, I’m right, but unfortunately, it’s not my place to demand that. The boss would decide to put the bully’s job on the line if there weren’t attempts to straighten themselves out.

Yes, start building up self-confidence, reduce stress in your life, and do what makes you happy. But in today’s economy, where people are dependent on their jobs, far too many victims of bullying don’t dare to speak up. They secretly search for another position and walk out. I hate to say that, but this might be the best thing to do in many cases. If you have a boss who keeps his eyes shut and doesn’t have your back, do it.

Still, leaving in silent suffering gives the bully free reign, and they continue with the next person – and the next – and the next…

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5.????? What can we do? Is there help?

TheGlassHammer.com showers us with worrisome statistics. On the Website, we can read:

Women are more frequently bullied than men. A survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that 70% percent of bullies were men (versus 30% women), and generally, 66 percent of targets were women. The survey also revealed that women bullied women in 67 % of cases – versus 65% between men.

Women are still targets in the majority; women being bullied by women is the most common form of workplace bullying.

What concerns me more is the employer's reactions. According to a 2017 survey about workplace bullying, the alarming outcome is the following:

·??????? 22% never learned about the bully’s misconduct

·??????? 26% did nothing, while a complaint was filed

·??????? 46% investigated inappropriately, and nothing changed

·??????? 71% showed negative reactions

·??????? 23% took action with positive changes for the target

·??????? 6% took action, which resulted in a negative outcome for the perpetrator

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Reading that 26% of the employers did nothing despite a complaint, 46% investigated inappropriately and nothing changed, 71% showed adverse reactions. Taking these reactions, the only answer is ‘What can we do? Is there help?’ must be No.

Even though employers knew about the bullying, they did nothing or reacted negatively.

At this point, I would like to return to the previous advice about ‘self-care,’ which I purposely skipped. Seek legal advocacy.

We are talking about a stressful situation the victim has been in for months, if not even years, scared to speak up or ignored after a complaint, suffering in silence. The negative consequences on the victim’s mental health are gigantic.

The National Library of Medicine lists the mental and physical consequences of workplace bullying victims.

Emotional/psychological consequences of workplace bullying may include increased mental distress, sleep disturbances, fatigue in women and lack of vigor in men, depression and anxiety, adjustment disorders, and even work-related suicide. Medical consequences of workplace bullying may include an increase in health complaints such as neck pain, musculoskeletal complaints, acute pain, fibromyalgia, and cardiovascular symptoms.?

My recommendation: Go for it. I’m not talking about ‘revenge.’ I’m talking about getting redemption for your sufferings. Taking all this is not easy; swallowing it is even harder. Extended long-term bullying that influences your health negatively and an employer who ignores the obvious give you the right to protect yourself. Look for a lawyer you like and trust and get it going. It’s the right thing to do.

Conclusion

Identifying myself as the victim of workplace bullying in several cases made me realize that far too many victims are feeling alone and helpless. And that’s how I became an advocate for the victims. Nobody should be alone in a situation like this.

If you suffer severe mental health consequences and lose hope, please call 988. Don’t let it go undetected. Get help and support! The situation seems muddled and vain. It’s not. There is help! Trust yourself. You are far more robust than you think. Trust loved ones, express your feelings, and accept an outstretched hand that helps you up.

(If you'd like a PDF of this essay, please DM me and provide me with your email address - Astrid Schwizer)