Workplace Auntie: Your Mother Doesn't Work Here

I have worked in many different sized offices of many different flavors over the course of my career. I have worked in large, luxurious office spaces where there was not only a dedicated office cleaning service, but a full time conference center staff that handled all needs for meetings in conference rooms. I've been in co-working spaces where several hundred businesses had office spaces and shared communal spaces. I've been in a teeny tiny office that were essentially a converted basement in a rich person's home where me and my coworker worked at a glorified shelf that could be hidden by a sliding door. And like a lot of people during the pandemic, I worked from home. Which in my case was a foldable tv tray and a tripod mounted ring light that I put up every morning and broke down every night in my family room.

There are some things that come with working in communal office space with professional colleagues that Auntie feels like maybe she needs to say out loud. That way no one can ever claim that they were never told these very, very basic rules of getting along in shared space. Auntie apologizes in advance for sounding like a mom here. But most of these issues do seem to be the kinds of things that anyone who's been properly parented should know reflexively. And yet, they still happen.

It's not that people want to be rude, or were actually poorly parented. The problem is that there is a certain type of blindness that people can have when they go into professional workspaces. The mindset is one I call "I have people for that" syndrome. Yes, you are an important person with an important job and your workplace does indeed hire a cleaning service and other types of support staff so that you don't have to do all the work of maintaining the office space for use by staff. You may be a senior enough person on your team that you have junior staff who do administrative work like set up conference calls and take notes. And with that support, many think that the presence of such services and staff absolves them of devoting any thought to the upkeep of the office, or what's needed in shared space.

Auntie is here to disabuse you of that notion. Auntie does not care how important you think you are. EVERYONE from the CEO on down has a role to play in making the office a pleasant place to work. There are no exceptions. If anything, the more important you are, the more important it is that you show up right and set a good example. (Many CEO's do understand this, BTW. Culture is consciously created, but that is another discussion for another time.)

I'm sure if you look there are dozens of books and essays and experts on office etiquette whom you could consult if you want to take a deep dive on this. Auntie is going to take on some basics here that you might not have thought of, and as people start returning to their offices, they might have forgotten.

Food is your problem too.

Most offices, even if they are very small, have a kitchenette or dining area of some kind. There is usually a sink, a coffee maker of some kind, maybe a refrigerator and microwave, and if you are super lucky, a dishwasher. There is often a table where people can gather and eat. In an age where people are increasingly bringing their lunches to the office, either for money or health reasons, these small kitchen spaces are incredibly important. And they are minefields for harmonious communal sharing.

It is true that most of the time, your employer has hired a cleaning service who will take care of doing the dishes in the sink and making sure the area is cleaned on the regular. They may even regularly do things like clean out the refrigerator and the microwave. NONE of that means that you have no responsibilities here if you use the space. In fact, there's some big to-do's an no-no's in this space.

• DO label food you put in the fridge with your name, and date it so that if you forget it, people have some idea of its history. Also, make sure it's in an airtight container so that if it is smelly it doesn't affect other food in the fridge.
• DON'T take someone else's food without permission. This should be a no-brainer. (Srsly, Auntie thinks you should know better...)
• IF you leave food out on the counter for public consumption, best practice is to label it with ingredients so people with allergies know what they're dealing with if it's not obvious. And for the love of all things holy, please go back and check up on it after 2 hours, ESPECIALLY if it's got dairy or mayo or is otherwise perishable. CLEAN IT UP after you kill the last piece, it's the end of the day, or if it's looking like it's no longer edible.
• DON'T cook fish in the microwave, or anything that is controversially smelly. That stuff can linger and is VERY unpleasant. Microwave popcorn is also usually a bad idea, not to mention a health risk.
• DO clean up after yourself -- if your microwaved dish pops sauce all over the microwave insides, CLEAN IT UP. If you eat at the table and leave crumbs behind, CLEAN IT UP. If you spill something, anything, anyplace, CLEAN IT UP.
• DON'T leave the empty coffee pot for someone else to deal with. If you kill the coffee, it is your responsibility to make sure the next person has coffee.

If your kitchen has a dishwasher, DO rinse your things and load them in if the dishwasher is empty. Don't just leave them in the sink.

Be aware of who's shouldering the load

This one is particularly important for men and for more senior people. There are a lot of thankless tasks in an office space that are needed to keep things ticking along. Who is keeping the coffee pot full? Who is the person taking notes in meetings? Who is the person who cleans up the conference room after a long meeting? Who plans the office happy hours, the flowers for when someone has a baby or a death in the family? A lot of these thankless tasks may have designated staff that handle them. But if there isn't, there will tend to be one or two employees, often women, who end up being tasked with this additional labor.

Studies show that when it comes to "office housework" women do 29% more of this "office housework" than men. And women of color have it even worse. Women are more likely to be asked to take on these tasks and are more likely to accept the requests. And the research shows that they don't do this because they enjoy it, but because they believe it is expected. So, here's the deal kids -- pay attention to moments when those tasks show up and volunteer to do them, so that someone else doesn't get stuck with them, particularly if you are a man. If you've been shouldering this load, see if you can't ask it be distributed more fairly.

Push chairs in and put away loose papers

This is a small one, but it makes a big difference in making office spaces feel more inviting, particularly if you work at a shared desk, or in conference rooms. Taking an extra minute at the end of a meeting to push the conference room chairs in makes the space feel better for the next user. Leaving papers around on a conference room table is not only impolite, it's honestly dangerous. Do you REALLY want everyone to see your spreadsheets or notes? When I was in law school, one of our favorite pastimes was to see whose resumes got left behind in the trash cans of the rooms law firm recruiters were using to interview for summer interns. Stray paper can lead to gossip. Leave the conference room, leave your desk in a way that says you're organized and have your shit together.

Say "good morning"

This is another thing that is small, but goes a long way to make an office environment much, much more satisfying. When you pass someone in the hall first thing in the morning, acknowledge them and say in a kindly tone, "good morning!" Do this even if you don't know them. Do it even if you are in a bad mood. In fact, do it especially if you are in a bad mood. If you have an office mate, or a cube mate or people who work in your immediate area, say good morning to them as they arrive or as you arrive.

Auntie knows that not everyone is comfortable with this, and that introverts and people on the spectrum can feel particularly put upon to try and do this. And yes, this kind of social interaction can feel forced, but honestly, it's a really healthy habit to cultivate. A friendly greeting helps make people feel like they belong. And the return greeting, that moment of connection, is an important part of building a trusting and happy work environment. Passing someone in the hall and not acknowledging their existence is kind of rude, really. Getting the rap as the office curmudgeon is really not cool. So even if it is hard, it's worth making the effort. Auntie promises that over time, it gets easier.

Behave in the Bathroom

My guess is that no one has talked to you about this one, because we tend not to want to talk about the bathroom. It's awkward and kind of gross and feels vaguely taboo. We really, really want to pretend that this part of our collective life doesn't exist. But the truth is, you WILL use the bathroom during the course of an 8 hour workday. So will all of your co-workers. And hygiene and proper behavior is incredibly important in this space for so many reasons.

• DO make sure you leave a clean bowl for the next user. This seems to be particularly a problem in buildings with self-flushing or eco-toilets in Auntie's observation. DO NOT assume that you can just leave it for the sensors to handle or just give a cursory pull on the handle and it's all good. Make sure ALL the things, particularly the toilet paper, actually goes down the chute. Nothing is more disgusting than arriving to the bathroom stall and finding someone else's literal waste left behind for you to manage. Yuck. In the case of eco toilets, hold the handle until the paper clears the chute, because if you don't, someone else will just have to flush the toilet all over again, rendering the whole water-saving nature of these types of toilets a nullity. Oh, and if you've accidentally left pee on the seat, CLEAN IT UP (also, what the hell is wrong with you thinking you can do that here, or anyplace else for that matter? Auntie is very disappointed in you....)
• DO NOT waste paper towels. You do not need a fistful of towels to dry your hands. Take one. Yes, only one. If more come out of the dispenser, find a spot on the vanity to set them up so they don't get wet and don't go to waste.
• DO wash your hands after you go. And yes, you should still be singing the birthday song every time you wash. If you spill a lot of water around, CLEAN IT UP.
• DON'T hold meetings in the bathroom. If you run into someone and you want to have a conversation with them wait until you are both out of the bathroom. Tiled rooms echo hard. And having a conversation through a closed bathroom stall door is really awkward. Say hi, exchange pleasantries, and if you want to have more conversation, tell them you will stop by their desk later. Most people do not want to have to engage with substantive matters while they are trying to do their business.

Also, the bathroom needs to be a no shame zone. What you do and how you do it is your business. IF you feel like you must be asking someone if they are okay, accept it if they tell you that they are, and move on. You have no idea what issues a person is dealing with in that department, so unless someone asks you for help or has actually passed out, don't judge, and don't pry.

As much as many dream of having all the world go back to working from home, the fact is that we WILL have to work together in shared office spaces for the foreseeable future. And because of that, we all need to be thinking about how we operate in shared space. Be kind. Remember your manners. Y'all should be just fine.

#WorkplaceAuntie out.