Working in your second language? Here's why you're exhausted all the time (and how to fix it)!

I can't quite explain the feeling of communicating in a second language. For me, it's a complete conflict of emotions.

On the one side, there is pride and gratitude that I'm able to do what I'm doing and communicate with a whole bunch of people I wouldn't have been able to if I didn't speak Spanish.

On the other side, there is what feels like a minor assault on my nervous system. There is panic, anxiety, maybe a bit of fear and a whole lot of adrenaline.

Now, those things aren't enough to stop me from progressing and learning (but only because I've done a lot of work to get to that point). But it is enough for me to notice that it is hard.

If you are communicating regularly and for long periods of time in your second language and you are experiencing things such as panic/fear/anxiety, you are also going to feel exhausted. When we experience those emotions, we move into survival mode. We feel we are at risk or even that our needs aren't being met in the ways we need them to be.

And being in survival mode is exhausting. There is a reason why we want to go to sleep for 24 hours after a stressful/traumatic event. We have been operating in overdrive and we need time to recover.

So what happens when we are experiencing those emotions daily? Those emotions become the norm. They become our default. But they are still there. Bubbling under the surface, we are still in survival mode for the majority of our working days. So if you're sitting there wondering why it feels tough, it's because it is.

So how do we manage it in the best way we can? I have two options that I'd like to suggest to you.

Let it RAIN

Michelle McDonald developed this approach to managing difficult emotions. Which, in short, is a way of reflecting your thoughts and feelings without judging them. Let's have a look at each step.

• Recognise - When you are in a situation where you are experiencing a particularly difficult emotion, take a moment to recognise the emotion. Label the emotion. Remember not to judge the emotion you are feeling, it doesn't need to be good or bad that you are experiencing the emotion.
• Accept - Sometimes when we feel certain emotions, we try to 'get rid' of them. We get frustrated at ourselves for feeling a certain emotion and then get caught up in a cycle of: experiencing an emotion > frustration at the emotion and that goes round and round. At this point, all we want to do is accept it. "Yes, I'm feeling _______". You're not trying to change or get rid of the emotion. You're just acknowledging it's there.
• Investigate - Now it's time to get curious. How did I start to feel this emotion? Was there a specific moment when this started? Have I experienced this before? Do I know why I'm feeling like this? The important thing here is you don't need to dig into the depths of your soul. It's just an internal dialogue with yourself to gain a better understanding of the emotion.
• Not-Identify - Sometimes our emotions overtake our whole being and we feel like we become our emotions. This step in the method is a chance for you to separate who you are from the emotion you are experiencing. You could reflect on times when you have felt similar emotions and they have gone away. Remind yourself that emotions are temporary.

As a way to tap into what you are feeling without letting it consume you, this is a great place to start.

You're ability to ask for help is a superpower

I've said this time and time again but people don't know what they don't know. If you are working in an organisation where the majority of people are speaking in their first language, they won't necessarily be aware of the struggles you face.

It won't be because they don't care, or don't think it's important. It's most likely because they have never had to think about it themselves. Building people's awareness of how they can support you is a great place to start. A few things that have helped clients of mine in the past with their first-language-speaking colleagues:

• Explaining the feelings that come with speaking a second language
• Talking to their manager to ask for time within their team to collectively discuss things that can be done to support understanding and productivity
• Highlighting when colleagues use jargon or idioms and asking them to explain the terms in different simpler ways
• Asking colleagues to slow down when they speak
• Summarising actions and understanding at the end of meetings to sense check
• Spending time outside of meetings to have conversations that build personal relationships with colleagues

These are some actions that don't rely on just you taking the action that can help build understanding across your team. International teams are only going to increase in frequency and one of the major things we need to build if that is going to happen more successfully, is greater empathy. Sometimes that needs to start by us being brave enough to share where we are and ask for the support we need.