Working With Your Partners Instead of Against Them

I often see properties and sponsors at odds. Each wants to stand their own ground. Each wants to win or be perceived to be winning. Each wants to be “in control.” This can also occur within your organization or even in your personal life with your spouse/partner or children/parents. We all want to be in control and sometimes that “hard pushback” does not work.

In one of my daily meditation readings, I recently read a great story. The timing was perfect. I was working with a client who felt their partner was being unreasonable. They felt that the sponsor was pushing back with unrealistic demands when the two organizations had already come to a verbal agreement of all details. The property felt as though the sponsor was trying to force them into an unreasonable situation and never raised these issues during the discussion or verbal agreement stages. Our client wanted to push back hard—take a stand. I said that is your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Don’t start there. Try to be open, give them a comfort zone to see if they will explain their scenario better and why “their” back is against the wall. Take the high road and be supportive to start and see how that goes. Sometimes it all works out without being confrontational.

This was my meditation reading.

“I once had a difficult student. He was a native Spanish speaker and he had taken my Spanish class for the easy “A.” I asked the English as a Second Language teacher about him. She cautioned, ‘Getting in his face is going to get you nowhere.’

I never once forced him to do anything or acted like I knew more than he did because ‘I was the teacher.’ When the students turned in essays about their favorite day, his was beautifully written—but without a single accent mark. I casually asked him, ‘Would you like to learn the accent rules?’ I held my breath and prayed. He shrugged indifferently. After five seconds, his energy shifted, and he said he’d like to learn. I made a copy of the essay and showed him where they went. His written Spanish included the accents for the rest of the year.

‘Getting in his face is going to get you nowhere’ became part of my life philosophy and remains with me today. Be kind, be patient. Correct with gentleness.”

I cannot say that I practice kindness and patience 100% of the time and I definitely do not always “correct with gentleness” but I am more aware of these acts than before this morning’s reading. Now I try to consciously practice them whenever I am able.