Working Through Turmoil Induced by Workplace Conflict

“Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can be a source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation and growth, or rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance. The choice is not up to our opponents, but to us and our willingness to face and work through them”―?Kenneth Cloke

Besides the few folks who intentionally generate drama just for the heck of it, the vast majority of us prefer moving in the direction of peace and harmony. It is a fact that we will seek to avoid conflict as much as is humanly possible. The reality is however, conflict avoidance is not always an option. And if this is the case, what do we do then?

Nothing is more daunting and creates heart-burn, at least in my estimation, than workplace conflict. A place where adults will spend most of their waking hours, investing their energy and literally their life force, often represents the greatest pain-point. I have been privileged to work as my own boss for the last three years, but can acutely recall being in work environments in which conflict with superiors and/or colleagues, even the work itself, created sufficient stress to make me physically ill and situationally anxious and depressed.

I resented those spaces. Especially when I would ruminate on the fact that I was investing my life force into arenas that were not even my ideal. That was a huge part of my challenge and as a sidenote, perhaps something you may need to give more thought to. But, the inner turmoil and stress I felt were credible, amplified even more so by thoughts and feelings of being "trapped." Afterall, if I did not work, how would I survive? How would I take care of my bills?

In hindsight I can admit that my lack of maturity then, my inability and perhaps, even my unwillingness to step outside of my shadow and "reach across the aisle," restricted my capacity to understand and adequately connect with others in my work environment. This in turn may not have necessarily generated conflict itself, but primed the atmosphere sufficiently to "set it off." Ahhhh, I do have my share of regrets in this regard.

SHRM, the Society for Human Resource Management, a leading organization dedicated to creating better workplaces and fostering healthy workplace relationships, notes that, "Workplace?conflict is inevitable when employees of various backgrounds and different work styles are brought together for a shared business purpose." That should allow for a collective sigh of relief! In a nutshell it means that, even with the best of intentions and our best efforts, we are going to experience conflict. In other words, we must be prepared to encounter conflict and be willing to work through it when it does surface.

SHRM further details the following as potential precipitants for workplace conflict:

• Clashes due to personality differences.
• Unmet needs in the workplace.
• Unclarified roles in the workplace.
• Poor communication and misunderstandings.
• Perceived inequities concerning allocation of resources.
• Competing job duties or poor implementation of a job description.
• Mismanagement of organizational change and transition.

When conflict emerges in the workplace by virtue of these dynamics, among others, what can we do to resolve or manage it? And, what are some viable steps we can take to mitigate the inner turmoil we are often left to contend with?

I sought the support of leading human resource (HR) expert and Managing Director of Hope Place HR Consultancy, Dawn H-Jones for some valuable insight. H-Jones postulates that it is important to not immediately view conflict as a bad thing, although she acknowledges this is easier said than done (I suggest reading my previous article - "The Conflict Escalators: Silent but Lethal" for further insight).

She further suggests being aware of your mindset when in the throes of a conflict in the workplace; considering whether you feel calm enough or safe enough to have dialogue and proposing an appropriate time and place if delay is warranted.

Other tips she shares include:

• Choosing to not allow fear or a defeatist mindset to keep you from addressing your concerns.

• Seeking the support of a trusted coach, mentor, counselor, or advisor to help you prepare for the conversation and perhaps identify any 'blind spots' you may have.

• Preparing an agenda of the points you would like to discuss at the meeting to ensure that you remain focused on the issue at hand and the intent, which is resolution.

• Taking notes while discussing concerns to help with processing and understanding information being received and formulating appropriate responses.

• Listening with the intent to understand others' perspective and asking for clarification if necessary.

• Asking yourself the tough questions, such as, "What part did I play in the conflict?" "Is it me or is it them or a combination of both?" "What can I learn from this situation?" "What can I do better?"

I also wanted to understand what is a most effective approach to addressing conflict that exists between management and subordinates, as the power differential does create more anxiety in these instances. H-Jones again offers the following advice:

"I always say know who you are (in a balanced way) before you enter the workplace or the workplace will tell you who you are and you may not like the answer. Knowing who you are (or being prepared to find out) helps you with healthy standard setting for yourself and how you interact with others."

She further adds:

• Know your policies and procedures. Employers commit to certain standards of behavior in the workplace. If the cited standard is not being met, cite this in your concerns.

• Conflict between management and employees often have an informal stage where concerns can be appropriately addressed; including involvement of external mediators. Find out your organization's policy in this regard.

• Utilize counseling support offered through your organization's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) to help with processing your concerns and addressing any fears centering conflict engagement.

Leadership bears the onus of creating an organizational culture that effectively and appropriately identifies and manages conflict; through established policies, practices and protocols. Ensuring the work environment consistently promotes psychological safety and support for all is crucial and cannot be overstated.

Leaders, from floor managers to C-suite personnel, must endeavor to consistently lead in embodying and modeling the values of the organization. Perpetuating this kind of culture throughout, however, rests significantly on the shoulders of employees.

In other words, when it comes to conflict, we have a lot more power than we think or even recognize. We get to determine to a large extent, as Cloke declares, whether conflict will continually be a source of rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance, or an opportunity for inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation, and growth.

I wish I had a mentor during those "raging moments" to help me see from this vantage point. Thankful that it's not too late.

Georgia A. Bryce-Hutchinson?is an accomplished Mental Health Consultant and Practitioner, who leverages an Environmental Engineering background to set the framework, language, and impact of coaching across corporate and one-on-one environments. She specializes in advising organizations and employees on mental health literacy, awareness and crisis intervention and devising preventative strategies to increase workforce productivity, engagement, and retention. Georgia has the ability to meet employees and people where they are in their lives, pivoting to support both the employee and the organization from an inside-out approach.?Connect with Georgia at?[email protected]