Working Through Grief

Earlier this year, my dad went into a nursing home and on hospice. As his power of attorney, very understandably, I was called to do ALL THE THINGS. My whole family came to depend on me in ways I did not expect, especially as the baby of my generation.?

From finding seemingly long-lost family heirlooms that no one could even describe to coordinating multiple social schedules, I supported everyone around me while making end-of-life decisions for one of the most important people in my world.?

At one point, due to a severe incident of neglect, my world stopped while I found a new nursing home for my dad.?It took me five hours. Nobody was going to treat MY dad that way! I didn’t bother with blame; I just fixed the problem.?

As my world swirled, a leader at work asked me if I was in counseling, and I told her no. My grieving process was spot-on where it should be at that point, and no amount of counseling could prevent other people’s chaos. Their behaviors were their own. It took some of my beloved family members a minute, but eventually they seemed to figure out that they were all playing checkers while I was playing chess. I managed to stay a step ahead of everyone’s needs. Thank goodness!

My strategy was solid — and I was spent. After I moved my dad to where he was safe, the hospice social worker asked me who was supporting me. As I supported so many others, whom did I have to support me??

At first, I chuckled. Then I paused.?

The leaders at my work. My team. People around me at work stepped up, stepped back, listened to my stories, shared theirs, helped me express my sense of humor in a dark time. They gave me grace, and they gave me space. Whatever I needed, they made it clear that I had their support.?

My work team made getting though one of the hardest times in my life bearable. It was a few months later, when the busy-ness of all my dad’s affairs slowed down and I could finally take a breath, that I fully felt the loss of my dad. It hit hard that losing the almost-86-year-old cancer patient who was ready to go also meant the dad I’ve cherished for 45 years was gone. Again, leaders and my work team supported me.?

Working for Accenture has been a dream many years in the making. One of our core values is to bring our whole selves to work, yet I was concerned that I was offering TOO MUCH of my personal life into our professional space. Leaders reassured me. They said they were impressed by how well I was handling it all. To me, I was just doing my best to support everyone who needed help during that time and to make my dad’s final days as peaceful as possible.?

My work team and our leaders enabled me to do all that. I will be forever grateful that they all helped me work through my grief.?Thank you, AFS team!