Working With People You Don't Vibe With.

Let's face it, working with someone you don't mesh with can be challenging. You know, the ones who are not toxic or horrible, but differ in how they approach work or life and rub you the wrong way. You don't want to admit it, but they have good ideas, and you do have to work with them; avoiding them might seriously harm the professional culture around you. I've been there myself, and I have been helping a few clever folks navigate this (seemingly frequent) situation, so here are some of my hot tips on how to (try to!) navigate this situation effectively.

Embrace Self-Reflection...first, look within! The first step in dealing with challenging colleagues (remember, we're not talking about this in a performance management way...) is to acknowledge that not everyone will be your perfect match or even your pal...certainly not your cup of tea and THAT'S OK! But as hard as it is, take a moment to reflect on the tension and your role in it. In fact, your reaction may be the root cause (it also may not be, but stick with me here...) Recognising that your feelings, responses or reactions may influence the dynamic more than the other person's behaviour might be the key to making this situation productive or pleasant!

Cultivate Empathy—walk in their shoes. FACT. Few people wake up intending to make other people's lives difficult (even the 'anonymous offenders' who are the notoriously terrible drivers in the traffic on their way to work!). Try to understand the other person's perspective or what might be going on for them outside of work. Ask yourself what might be motivating their actions and how they perceive you. This exercise in Empathy can help you find common ground and improve your working relationship... or at least pause you in your tracks before reacting.

Stop competing; there's enough sun for everyone. Transitioning from a competitive mindset to a collaborative one can significantly improve your working relationship. Seriously. Stop trying to win personally and look at the potential big win of the project, org, team etc. Instead of avoiding or working around the other person (you know you are), engage with them directly and rally around the common ground. Initiate a conversation and express your desire to tap into their skills and perspective. For example, "I really like how you can quickly summarise the main points from meetings we are in together. Maybe you can help me with a complex conversation later. What are your thoughts? "Do you have any suggestions for how to use our skills to work together on this?" This approach can encourage them to open up and foster a more productive working environment while tapping into skills or approaches you don't naturally have (or don't want to have!) Hot tip... the thing that is the most annoying to you is probably the most useful for you to tap into, too.

Ask Questions. Lean into the curious. In tense situations, resist the urge to dominate the conversation. Instead, ask open-ended questions" that create dialogue. For example, "What do you think we can do to get a good outcome?" or "How can we support each other's goals?" Listen actively to their responses and be open to their suggestions.

Be Aware of Interpersonal Quirks. Conflicts often arise from differences in interpersonal styles rather than personal incompatibility. Everyone, even you, has a unique way of interacting and reacting. Understanding differences can help you adapt your approach and general mindset towards this person. For instance, if you're an introvert and they're an extrovert, find ways to balance your interaction to complement each other. This is an important one. Stop trying to change them, and don't change yourself, either. Adapt, navigate and appreciate!

Ask for Help. Seriously. Ask them. Asking for help can reset a problematic issue or relationship. It shows that you value the other person's experience and insights and can seriously diffuse tense situations. You might say, "You've been here longer than I have. I'd love your help understanding how to ...." Asking for their perspective can make them feel valued and respected, and I can almost guarantee that you will learn something useful, too.

A mentor of mine reminded me that we should always be less concerned with being liked and more focused on being respected. Respect is often won through doing good, consistent work; and let's face it, it's hard to dislike someone you respect anyway! The aim here isn't to become besties, but if you're in a situation where the work depends on it, the aim is to find ways to get the 'bestie' out of each other towards a shared outcome and hopefully build respect in the process. In my field, the desired outcome is better learning experiences for kids, which is worth connecting many clever brains to. Can we do good work with people we don't vibe with? Yeah, but we might need to get out of our own way first.