Working Parents, is it possible?

That’s the question my wife and I ask each other a lot. Our son, Dylan, celebrated his third birthday recently—he's doing great, an incredible little guy! My wife and I are still married, and we are both still working.

Honestly, if you had of asked me the odds on all that being true six months into this … I'm not sure how I would have answered. ???♂???

On reflection, the thing that jumps out to me is… it’s hard, really hard! I'm sharing this post on some things that I have learnt along the way to try balance the equation. I certainly don’t have all the answers (I don’t think anybody does), but something here might help, or it might trigger a discussion with ideas from others.

“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing”. Jim Gaffigan

Top 8 learnings as working parents

1. Manage your personal schedule like your work schedule - Book the personal time in your calendar! Between my wife and I, we rotate who drops or collects Dylan from daycare. For the mornings I drop him, I block my calendar during that time, and I don’t attend meetings. Think about it like a meeting with your boss—would you let someone book over that? Treat it like that… high priority, I must attend!

2. Its OK to start later or leave early - If you're a manager, you can really set a great example here. Let the team that see you are leaving: say goodbye and let them know why you are leaving. If people see you do it, it trickles through an Org and people know it’s perfectly ok. If you're not a manager, explain to your manager the days you will start a little later or need to leave a little earlier and why. It’s ok! If it’s not ok, please ask your manager to read the note at the bottom of this article.

3. If you can work from home, use it - If you are lucky enough to be part of a company that is forward-thinking and allows people to work from home, use it when you need it. I still think there is a stigma on "working from home." People still see a need to tell me when they are working from home - why? Sometimes I work from home when I might need to go to a doctor appointment, etc. with Dylan - that way it’s easier for me to do meetings around the appointment from home.

4. S**t happens aka Life happens - Stuff comes up. Maybe it’s your day to collect from daycare, suddenly you have an important project review scheduled last minute, etc. It will happen. Try your best to plan for it but there will be some days you can't and that leads to below....

5. The guilt, oh the guilt - When you go to collect your child and he is one of the last in daycare, it feels horrible! And I don’t think that feeling ever goes away. However, you need to give yourself a break. You're doing the best you can do in the situation you are in.

6. When your child is sick, one of you is sick - At the start, I tried to work from home when Dylan was sick and quickly learnt that is a disaster. It doesn’t work. Let your boss know your child is sick and you're taking time. Put on your out of office message and take whatever time is needed to get your child healthy again.

7. Ask for help – We are both form Ireland, living in Seattle, so we are a long way from home! Thus, we don't have family close by to help. However, we have incredible friends around us (you know who you are). It took us a while to realize this, but it’s ok to ask people to help you! In fact, I would go as far as saying, they want to help, so stop over thinking it and ask for help when you need it!

8. Cherish the moments - Above all else, time flies. Make sure you take the time to be there in the moment with your child. I struggle with this all the time and wish I were better here, being 100% present in the moment and not thinking about work. I try to set boundaries in the evening to avoid looking at mail, etc. …. but I know I need to do better.

I want to call out in writing this, I'm sharing my perspective, which is that of an environment whereby both parents work. With that my appreciation for a single working parent knows no bounds. I don’t know how you do it—you're amazing!

Similarly, for couples who have one "full time" parent, in itself I know that is a full-time job. If anything, it’s often harder than "working in a job"—so kudos to you!!

If you are both working parents, then you know it doesn’t work unless you have a great partnership. I know how lucky I am to have an amazing partner in crime! Thank you, Laura.

Finally, a massive thank you to Gabriele Masili , who has been my manager most of Dylan's time on this planet. He gets it, he has been nothing but supportive every day, especially when life happens!

Note: You're a manager and you don’t have kids - Guess what? This is your opportunity to be a great manager! Understand that what your employee is going through is different than your situation. Have the emotional intelligence to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. They will need to leave early some days; they will need to start late somedays; they most likely will need to take more sick days (kids spread a lot of germs, especially ones in daycare, it’s like a petri dish for germs, sorry too much information).

Be ok with these types of things. In fact, encourage them that its ok and you will have a great employee who is loyal to an understanding boss. And remember you might be in the same position one day ??!!!