Working Parents #mindfulparenting#communicationculture

Working parents and mums in particular are plagued by one thing – guilt. Most of us work eight hours and are away from our children on an average of ten hours, given traffic and commute time. This is reality. Often we face pressure or put pressure (read guilt) on ourselves to leave our careers to be ‘better’ parents, and yet that course of action does not reflect the social change that has taken place; that women are participating in the workforce and furthermore we are raising our children (boys and girls) to do the same! So how best can we practice parenting in a changed society?

Some tips below on building relationships with our children along with links to two excellent articles on the subject:

Mindful Parenting:

·       That part of a day that has been set aside as quality time should be treated as such with no distractions, i.e. TV, phone, work

·       A family dinner with the TV on or the parent on the phone achieves nothing. Instead be present, engage. Cultivate a listening culture: ask your children how their day was and listen when they share. Include your partner/spouse; ask how their day was and share yours too. It will become a shared time for the family

·       For babies and toddlers identify your quality time in a day and be present fully with them during this time. Make eye contact, use physical touch with your child. Let it be a time of your choosing when you are least likely to be stressed or distracted: be it bed-time, pre-bedtime, bath-time.

·       30-45 minutes of quality time every day or most days sets up a consistent pattern that children will recognise and respond to because patterns gives security

·       Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When you see your children after work allow your face to light up in smiles and if they are not too big for hugs, open your arms – let them know you are happy to see them

Building a communication culture through a consistent pattern: According to American Psychology Association ‘listening and talking’ is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children’.

·       Notice times when your children are most likely to talk – bedtime, meal times, in the car – and be available to them. Listen. Ask Questions. Show Interest

·       Building communication intervals – research has shown that connecting with children does not have to happen in one big chunk of time. Even 15-minutes of mindful communication interspersed through the day greatly helps to build connections. For example breakfast time; drop-off or pick-up kids from school/bus time; after-school time; bed-time

·       Involved parenting by the father whether this is through helping with care-giving of the child or chores or engagement via play or activity, tremendously helps in building strong relationships with children

·       Good communication reduces anxiety, strengthens emotional connections, builds trust and results in good self-esteem for children

Article on Building Strong Family Relationships: https://extension.udel.edu/factsheets/building-strong-family-relationships/

Article on Mindful Parenting by White Swan Foundation (INDIA) https://www.whiteswanfoundation.org/understanding-mental-health/experts-speak-details/how-to-cultivate-mindfulness-in-your-parenting/

NOTE: White Swan is an excellent site for mental health supported by psychiatrists and counsellors. The parenting sections deals with many issues including special needs, teenage brain, sibling rivalry , family conflict, positive body image etc. Articles by leading Indian psychiatrists .