Working and Parenting: Can I have it all?

“Maternity leave is the most happy-sad, busy-bored you’ll ever be, while also the most tired you’ve ever been. It is the farthest thing from a vacation and the closest thing to a mental breakdown.” I read this while scrolling through my Instagram in the middle of a breastfeeding session and these words stuck with me.

Don’t get me wrong; I thoroughly enjoyed my maternity break. In this period, I not only got to know the cute little pumpkin I brought into this world, but also a completely new version of myself I never knew existed.

Nine months on, it’s time for me to return to work. I am having all sorts of mixed feelings – an experience that I am sure is common for all doting mums who associate their identity and self-worth with work.

In my decade-long career, I have been a work horse and found great satisfaction and passion in what I do. Then why does returning to work after maternity leave seem so hard? Why do I feel nervous like a new starter? Why am I torn between self-doubt and “Mom Guilt”? The main question that keeps running on my mind is: Can I have it all?

Well, I don’t think anyone has a straight answer. Because like career, parenting is not the destination, it’s a journey, a juggle, a balancing act. So, I have come up with my own resolutions to navigate this phase, which I hope will also be helpful for others. For me, the answer lies in three magical words: RESET, TRANSITION, PREPARATION.

Reset

Firstly, these beginning months have all been about pressing the reset button.

I needed to understand that giving birth or taking a nine-month break from work hasn’t taken away my skillset but endowed me with new ones. I may not be the first one in the office and the last one to leave anymore – but I am a better leader, co-worker, and employee now, because I am a mum.

I am a stronger person. My compassion, empathy and intuition have gone through the roof. I am a better multi-tasker, and I am both shocked and impressed in equal measures with my time management skills. For starters, I never knew I could shower or eat my meals in less than five minutes, or thrive on much less sleep than before, freeing so much time to do other tasks. This ‘new-me’ brings even more value to the table and I’m lucky to work for an employer that I know will recognise these new strengths.

Transition

I added to my updated bio: “As a new mum Rashmi works part-time and spends most of her non-working time with her daughter.” The keyword is part-time, and the underlying message is easing back in by working part-time and focusing on quality over quantity. Of course, that only works if you have the option to do so.

Returning from mat leave is already such an overwhelming experience (mentally, emotionally, and physically) that it certainly helps going back into familiar environments.

In my case, I was fortunate to have both. Honner, my first employer in Australia, where I have worked through the ranks over the past six and a half years, has been supportive and understanding in helping me navigate this balancing act. I have been offered flexible working hours and a new role (that of Head of Business Development) that aligns well with my skills and my new priorities.

It has given me the confidence that I can still be an all-guns-blazing ambitious performer at work, while being able to truly appreciate every single moment I spend with my baby.

?Preparation

The complexity of motherhood has also honed my planning, organisational, logistical and preparation skills.

One week out from returning to work, I started wearing both hats. For work, you name it, I did it. I got the IT sorted, cleared my email inbox backlog of over 13,000 emails, and went through my LinkedIn to check how my connections are placed. I discussed with my employer expectations and training requirements of my new role, and made a to-do list for the first couple of weeks.

And I achieved all this while being the primary carer for my child. It gave me a flavour of what the actual work week would (somewhat) look like, and the comfort that I am not in for a shock kicking off without this practical and mental preparation.

A quote that went viral was that: “women are expected to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work”. But if you have a support system around you that doesn’t measure you by these impossible standards, then you can have the best of both worlds, and I don’t see why you shouldn’t.

Wish me luck!