Working with a Narcissist

Dealing with a work colleague who displays insecure narcissistic traits can be exhausting. This is because a narcissist craves validation, reacts poorly to criticism and often masks deep insecurities with arrogance, manipulation or defensiveness. ? ? Navigating interactions with an insecure narcissist at work requires a balance of professionalism, boundary-setting, and strategic communication.

The key is to remain in control of your reactions and to reduce any disruption to your working environment. Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate the complexities of these interactions: ?

1. Recognise the Signs of Insecure Narcissism ?

Unlike people with overt narcissistic traits, such as grandiosity and entitlement, insecure narcissism is more subtle and can appear as:

• Overreacting to perceived criticism
• Seeking excessive validation and attention
• Undermining others to elevate themselves
• Struggling with collaboration due to their need for control
• Exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviour when feeling threatened

2. Manage Your Reactions and Boundaries ? Insecure narcissism thrives on emotional reactions. Staying calm, composed, and emotionally neutral will create a firm boundary and maintain professionalism. You can do this by:?

• Avoiding engagement in unnecessary power struggles

• Using assertive communication to express your needs clearly
• Refraining from oversharing personal details
• Setting limits on how much time and energy you invest in their emotional needs
• Responding to manipulation with facts and professionalism

3. Use Strategic Communication ? Communicating with someone with insecure narcissistic traits requires careful wording. They are sensitive to perceived slights, so criticism needs to be framed tactfully.

• Instead of saying: ‘You need to change this’ Say: ‘We could improve this by’
• Frame ideas in a way that makes them look good or aligns with their goals
• Be concise and use facts

4. Protect Your Work and Reputation ? Insecure narcissists may try to take credit for your work, blame others for mistakes, or spread misinformation. By maintaining professionalism and transparency, you reduce their ability to manipulate situations. ? Protect yourself by:

• Keeping clear documentation of your work, decisions, and communications
• Confirming verbal agreements via email to create a paper trail
• Building strong professional relationships with others to maintain credibility
• Avoiding gossip or criticism of them, as it could be used against you

5. Know When to Seek Support

• If an insecure narcissists behaviour becomes toxic such as gaslighting, bullying, or undermining your success it may be necessary to seek external support
• If they are a peer, consult with HR or a trusted manager
• If they are your boss, consider documenting patterns of behaviour before escalating concerns
• If they are a direct report, set clear expectations and document performance issues objectively
• A workplace should be psychologically safe, and if their behaviour affects your mental health, addressing it through formal channels may be necessary.