Working and mumming

I met my husband relatively late in life, and I turned 40 shortly before I gave birth to my daughter. This being the case, I had already clocked up almost 20 years of building a career as a (more often than not) single woman by the time I experienced working life as a mum. Two decades of being able to put in whatever hours it took to get the work done and build a successful career. My twenties and thirties feel like a blur of conference calls and business trips to far flung places and continual striving for the next challenge. Redefining myself, first as a pregnant working woman and then as a working executive mum, has been humbling yet rewarding. Over the past couple of years, I have lived what I had only previously read about in Harvard Business reviews or discussed at length on heated panels for Diversity and Inclusion and this has given me a whole new outlook on what it is to be a working mother. Heading into this, you read all kinds of advice about how to navigate pregnancy, birth and the transition back to work, yet with hindsight I was entirely unprepared for the reality. My daughter was born in Hong Kong at the end of 2017 and I was back at work by the following April. In November I accepted a new job with a new company in Switzerland and I hauled my family half way across the world to start a new professional adventure at Philip Morris International when my daughter was just 14 months old. Here are some of my learnings from this rollercoaster eighteen month journey: 

• Maternity leave is inconvenient for most people except you, but it helps not to take that personally. As I choked back my morning sickness, my years of hard work and performance seemed quickly forgotten as the ill-timed nature of my impending maternity leave became apparent. I recall, at around 8 months, a colleague absent mindedly asking me when I would be back from my holiday so that they could plan ahead for projects. Gosh, you need a thick skin for this pregnancy game, I thought to myself. After some initial grumbling, I chose not to take this personally and focused on helping identify a solution. I partnered with my boss to identify a replacement and invested time onboarding that person (to whom I will be eternally grateful) to take on my role. This is by no means a necessity, but I chose to be available throughout my maternity leave to give advice to my replacement or answer questions. I can count one hand the number of times I was called but when I was, I didn't mind and it was as helpful for me as it was for the company. It was a personal choice, but owning it helped to ensure business continuity and made it a lot easier to return to work knowing that nothing had gone off the rails.
• I had no idea, but it would appear it's not a given you'll return to work from maternity leave in your pre-baby wardrobe! On day one, I waddled back to work in an array of Ponte stretch fabrics, leaving my beautifully tailored business suits hanging in the spare wardrobe, my confused brain a squidgy bowl of porridge. I quickly realized that dressing for that important business meeting had been a form of professional armour, leaving me on many occasions now, with a need to dig a little deeper for professional confidence.
• Practical support as I transitioned back to work was, for me, more important than emotional support. The sleep deficit for us was real and we experienced a few weeks on end when our daughter woke every hour on the hour, six nights out of seven. Babies don't care that you have a conference call at 7am or that you need to finish a presentation ahead of your first meeting. My husband could be flexible with his hours and did the night shift for a good few months when I first transitioned back to work, which significantly lightened the load. As new parents, the role you play in supporting each other's careers becomes quickly evident.
• For the first year back at work, business travel was a drag. The prospect of a full night's sleep in dark, air-conditioned hotel room, however, largely made up for the incessant guilt I felt abandoning my baby in the name of professional pursuits. I would scurry off to the airport, having left an array of instructions and emergency numbers with our nanny (note: baby literally has no idea you are gone), teary eyed and intent on Face-timing whenever I could escape meetings for five minutes. This Face-timing upsets both baby and mum, and with the benefit of a few trips under my belt, I now realise, may be avoided for anything less than a two day trip. To add insult to injury, after years of accumulating mileage and status points, as my business travel ground to a near halt during pregnancy, I lost any kind of airline status. This was a brutal adjustment. No more free champagne in the business lounge or upgrades at the gate as I fought to stifle my tears of mummy guilt. Get to the back of the line with your diaper bag, Ma'am.
• Other women helped me and men did too. Those who still remember those first painful months of coming to work after nights awake with a screaming child will bring you coffee, exchange knowing winks as you yawn during meetings and remind you that "it gets better when they get to 3 months / 6 months / 3 years / 18 years". I now try to pay that kindness and understanding forward. I'm also lucky enough to work for a company that values flexibility. My male boss told me on day one in my new role that at PMI, family comes first and that he was flexible as to how I manage my working day. It's not always perfect and I'm a firm believer that flexibility goes both ways. There are days when I don't get to put my daughter to bed because a meeting takes priority and others when I come in a little later because my daughter needs mummy.
• In the past 18 months, I believe I have become a more efficient version of myself and this is still a work in progress. I quickly clocked that fifteen minutes at coffee machine with colleagues equaled fifteen minutes less cooing over my little dumpling at home. Emails are hammered out with more precision, lunchbreaks have become short and perfunctory and I find myself managing meetings with a finesse I never knew I had pre-baby. A newfound ability to pick my battles and focus on the work that counts, is for me, the key to getting out of the door and home to my child every night.

I may never be the woman I was pre-baby. In my case, with motherhood came tested confidence, increased empathy and the drive to get a lot more done efficiently. I think I emerged from the past 18 months a more focused, more measured, more humble and more empathetic leader. Gone are the days (at least for a while) of 4 inch heels and impromptu drinks after work but I wouldn't change it for the world.