Workaholic or Just a Hard Worker? How to Perform with More Peace

Where do you begin??

This is a question I often ask myself when I feel out of balance and hyper focused on my work.?

It’s written in most of my notebooks and in the notepad feature on my phone. I require this reminder, for I, like many of my clients, can easily get absorbed in work.

Not a “bad” thing, until it becomes a bad thing.?

Bad thing = the ONLY thing

When you hear someone referred to as a High Performer, what comes to mind?

Perhaps someone who is driven, excels, reliable, and is successful just to rattle off some traits?

What if you heard someone described this way??

“Oh, him? He’s a Workaholic.”?

Would the above traits (or any you came up with) still prevail? Or would a slightly, if not entirely, different picture come to mind?

What if it was a woman? Would that change the perception even more?

WORKAHOLISM vs HARDWORKER

What’s the difference between someone who is just a really hard worker versus someone who suffers from workaholism?

It may be hard to spot, especially if both are success oriented driven professionals who value excellence and performance.?

When you are overworked, it's usually due to something outside of you, meaning it’s external.?

You may be feeling overworked and exhausted because of a challenging project and putting in extra hours to get it done or you may have had to step up in the absence of your colleagues, taking on extra work.?

Those are all external reasons.?They are outside reasons as to why the uptick in effort.

A workaholic has more of a skewed process as to how they tackle work which is deeply rooted in their personal beliefs driving their motivations.

A hard worker would LOVE to say yes to things outside of work, but may feel as if they can’t for a variety of reasons that make sense.?

A workaholic will unknowingly create more work for themselves so that they can stay working for work’s sake.?

They will say YES to work requests when they already have a full. The thought of making other things a priority unrelated to work becomes an afterthought in the moment.?

The commitments they made to themselves and to others unrelated to work often get pushed to the side.

"I'm so sorry, work is crazy" becomes the go to reply.

Unfortunately, the area that is MOST impacted for workaholics are their relationships.

I had a client once, who would often complain how needy her boyfriend was. She would vent to me about how she couldn't just come home to silence at the end of yet another insane workday.

She couldn't stand when he would ask her how her day was.

"How is my day? How is my day? It's work! What do you think?" she would exclaim in disbelief.

THE ROOT CAUSE OF WORKAHOLISM

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Although there are times in one's career where the “hustle train” needs to shift into full throttle, it doesn’t need to become a habit, or worse, an identity wrapped up in addiction.?

The client I mentioned above has a classic "performance identity". She was enamored by all of the "outward" success her parents had. Both parents were highly educated and self made millionaires.

She adopted accomplishment as her go to core value for the safety and opportunity it provided her and her family.

In fact, accomplishing and doing things extremely well, just like her parents did became her compass. This, in turn, gave her validation for her worth.

It works for her to this day, but in a way where her self worth is connected to her net worth. The thing is, she doesn't like making a lot of money simply for purchasing power alone. Nope. A nice bank account, for her, is much more of a validation of how valuable she is to someone or something.

This feeds her workaholism, and at the same time, widens the hole in her spirit that longs for the space to be filled with acceptance and value outside of her accomplishments.

Becoming addicted to work is an effect. It is a symptom, not a cause. It’s the result of something that goes way back, as all of our “stuff” does.?

How much easier is it to bury our heads into work, especially if the reward is a killer than to face feeling lonely, bored, anxious or depressed, inner conflict, and/or inadequacy?

Escaping reality via being productive can hardly be viewed from the benefactors of your work ethic as “wrong” or “bad” can it?

Your colleagues won't complain. Your boss or business partners will love how available and dedicated you are.?

Your significant other, although, might complain, but you may take it with a grain of salt because hey, look at the “life” you created for them through your work!?

The kids? Ha. They have it so much better than you growing up. You WISH they had their life.

There is a fine line between duty and love.

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FEARS & BRULES

There are varying fears that come into play when workaholism is prevalent.? A common fear is? “fear of failing” or even “fear of success” to name a few.?

But what about those sneaky fears that aren’t so known and talked about, such as the fear of:

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• Being incapable or useless?
• Being without value apart from achievement
• Being mediocre or insignificant
• Being defective

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These are fears that we unknowingly adopted in childhood, and have created a whole way of BEING because of it.?

• Imagine feeling as if you were the family’s patriarch in your teens and being the first one on track to go to college?
• Imagine feeling as if you have to pay homage for all of the backbreaking work your parents did to support you through working just as hard, even if it wasn’t in a blue collared way?
• What if you had to bring in money into your home as a kid to help out financially?
• How about not wanting to burden your parents with your emotional needs robbing them of what little energy they had left after a long day?

Our past is always present, contributing to our fears. However, it doesn't have to be a part of what we create next.?\

The best way to determine a new course in life and to curate more peace within us to to create ourselves.?

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CREATING YOURSELF

Below are a series of questions I have found that when I asked myself, and challenged my clients to do the same, started to create the space they required to play the game of life differently.?

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• Who do you need to become in order to “let go” of the need to work more than live?
• Who would you have to become in order to be a role model for someone you care about how to go about becoming successful without the cost to your health or relationships?
• Who would you to become in order to make PEACE your #1 priority in your career at this point of your life?
• What thoughts, habits, projects and people drain you of energy and give you energy? Choose the gainers more often than not, and slowly prune the drainers.
• Finally, what are you currently committed to that isn’t a HELL YES for you at this point of your career?
• What should you have (and still could) said HELL NO to….(hint, there is no such thing as a HELL MAYBE).?

We are not our work. Our work is an extension of who we are and our default state is love, joy, and peace. Those are our markers for success and if we are getting worked over by our work by "choice", putting more distance between us and our default state, then it's time to reassess, stat!

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P.e.a.c.e.,

Coach Chris

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Chris and Elena Jackson are a coaching/counseling duo and are the owners of Kinetic Life, a career and lifestyle design company that focuses on helping Heart Centered High Performers leave their unique stamp on the world through their professional work while looking and feeling good doing it.

They combine evidence based research with creative tools and solutions to elevate their clients thinking so that they can find more peace, presence, and purpose.

Book a call with us by using the link below if you or someone you know is struggling with workaholism and want's a strategy on how to let go of it's hold on them so that they can live a fuller life.

https://kineticlifecoaching.com/contact/