Work, life, and striking a balance

Blog written by Dr Tom Price, Clinical Psychologist, at HelloSelf and the Specialist Adult Eating Disorder Service (South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust)

We’re often told about the importance of finding a balance between our work and personal lives, but it can be so much easier said than done.?

Research suggests that various factors can make it harder to achieve this balance. In this blog for National Work Life Week 2023, we are going to dive into a few of them, whilst also exploring some practical steps you might start taking towards a more balanced work-life that works for you.?

At HelloSelf, we also understand that many of us can find it hard to set healthy boundaries at work (or with people at work). There are a number of reasons as to why this may be. We’ll talk briefly about how psychological therapy can be effective when helping you to set healthy boundaries.? Therapy might provide ? a space? which encourages deeper reflection, to? help you to uncover patterns that may be keeping you stuck at work (or in your personal life) as well as the solutions that will help you to make changes that help improve your wellbeing more holistically.?

Looking after ourselves at work is something that affects everyone - psychologists included. Which is why it’s so important we are aware of the steps we can take to avoid burnout and look after our health. So from this point on, I’m going to move away from terms like ‘you’ and ‘your’, and focus more on ‘us’’, ‘we’, and ‘our’.?

What is ‘burnout’?

‘Burnout’ is a term used to describe ‘...a state of physical and emotional exhaustion.’ It can happen when someone experiences ongoing stress in their job or has been working in a physically or emotionally exhausting role for a long period of time.

Why is ‘work-life balance’ so important??

Many of us know that working long hours is one of the major hazards associated with having a job. Working beyond our contracted hours can have emotional consequences, contributing to feelings of anxiety and stress, low mood, and poor sleep. Overtime, work-related stress, and burnout, can also increase risk of physical health problems, like experiencing heart attack, stroke, or just generally being exhausted.?

Feeling overwhelmed by work can affect our relationships, social activities, hobbies, and ability to rest and relax. It can even shake our sense of self and identity, leaving us feeling insecure and low in confidence. Additionally, should our situation change, for example whilst navigating a transition like becoming a parent or taking care of someone who is ill, it can be challenging to keep up with our ‘usual way of working’. Suddenly, we start finding it difficult to handle excessive or time pressured workloads or to put in the extra hours like we used to. This isn't because there is something wrong with us, it’s more likely because we have other responsibilities demanding our time and attention, but haven’t felt able (or been properly supported) to make changes.

Clearly, broaching a good balance between work and our personal life is important for our health, relationships, but also our work performance! When work doesn't feel burdensome or overwhelming, we tend to be more productive, make fewer mistakes, and are more motivated. To put it simply, when we're enjoying work, we put in more effort and produce better results.

What factors contribute to burnout and make ‘work-life balance’ more difficult?

When there is a mismatch between our work demands and life responsibilities (e.g., when work consistently encroaches on personal time or when there is little time for relaxation and self-care) then burnout can occur.

Here are a few factors that can make this more likely to happen:

• Excessive workload: Having an overwhelming amount of work, unrealistic deadlines, or consistently working long hours without adequate rest. Lack of support: Not having sufficient support from colleagues or managers, whether it's in terms of resources, feedback, supervision or emotional support.?
• Lack of recognition: Feeling undervalued or underappreciated for our efforts and achievements at work. .
• Lack of control: Feeling like we have little to no control over our work, such as having limited autonomy or decision-making authority. Job dissatisfaction: Having low job satisfaction, whether due to mismatched expectations, limited growth opportunities, or lack of alignment with personal values (*we’ll talk about this more later). Poor organisational culture: An unhealthy work environment characterised by high levels of stress, lack of communication, poor leadership, or toxic dynamics (like secrecy, office gossip, high turnover, working through lunch, competitiveness, bullying at work or needing to be available 24/7). .
• Insufficient resources: Not having enough resources, such as time, tools, or practical support, to effectively carry out job responsibilities. Role ambiguity: Unclear or constantly changing job expectations, roles, or responsibilities can create confusion and increase stress levels, potentially leading to burnout.
• Personal factors: Individual factors like ‘perfectionism’, or high self-imposed expectations, anxiety, and difficulty in setting boundaries can also contribute to burnout when combined with workplace stressors.

In our modern world, we are often expected to do lots of work. Many of us have jobs that require us to work 40 hours a week (or more!), which takes up a massive portion of our time. The work we do can be very stressful and take up a lot of our attention (even whilst ‘away from work’). We have fewer holidays and less free time compared to the past, so it's no wonder that sometimes we feel overwhelmed and stressed.?

It is important to recognise that? those living with disabilities may have an even harder time because they are already navigating barriers to work, social stigma, as well as their workload? You can find more information about ‘disability-friendly’ jobs at ‘Careers With Disabilities’.

How do I go about striking a better work-life balance?

1. Negotiate a working pattern that makes sense for you:?

Many people spend hours commuting each day only to face additional challenges at work like noisy open-plan offices, office politics, and constant interruptions. These factors can lead to stress, feeling overwhelmed, and burnout, especially for individuals who have lived experience of mental health difficulties, disabilities or are neurodivergent.

However, the recent global pandemic has shown that remote work is possible on a large scale. Employers can no longer claim that it's not feasible for their employees to work from home. If they do, their arguments are much weaker now.

So why not consider changing how you work? You could explore options like remote or hybrid work, flexible hours, or reducing your workweek to four days. If your contract is up for renewal, you could even negotiate for more vacation time.

It's true that not all jobs allow for such changes, and in that case, you may want to reflect on whether you are in the right place. However, if you believe you have a strong case for change, it's always worth asking. You can reference research studies that found a 13% increase in productivity for people working from home, or a more recent study by the University of Chicago, ITAM, and MIT that found remote workers were approximately 9% more productive.

Although working from home offers freedom and the ability to create a personalised work environment, it might also blur the line between work and leisure time. It can also feel lonely or isolating.

When we work from our homes, it's easy to keep working for longer hours than we should. We may find ourselves working late into the night to catch up on unfinished tasks, simply because our work equipment is easily accessible at home (or messengers and emails are audibly pinging - grabbing our attention).

Some employers may (either explicitly, or more subtly) expect employees to be available around the clock when working from home. This can make individuals feel overwhelmed and suffocated by work and their employers.

Consider having a separate space, with clear boundaries to help manage this. I often think that? ‘...it is nice to be able to shut the door at the end of the day’. Understandably, systemic challenges like space at home, multiple ‘remote workers’ at home etc… might make this more difficult.?

1. Working from home? Put a commute in your routine that you want to do!

It might be helpful to schedule a walk or other form of exercise before starting, or when you finish work. Commuting often punctuates the end of the working day, creating a transition from one way of being to another. Aim to have a set time when you ‘clock off’ each day and try not to go beyond that.

In our fast paced world, we have to train our brain and body to relax, especially if we’re used to always being ‘on’. Perhaps try activities like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or writing in a journal to help transition from work mode to personal time. It's all about finding ways to unwind and create a clear separation between work and personal time.

1. Use our annual leave and holidays:?

We must not take annual leave for granted. Taking time off from work allows us to relax, have fun, and recharge. This goes a very long way towards reducing stress and psychological distress. Employers ought to see staff holiday as essential. It improves our productivity and focus when we get back to the office. These breaks don't need to be reserved for trips abroad, short breaks locally, time at home to do things on our own terms, or low cost / no cost activities in our local area and communities are as important. Perhaps consider ‘spreading out through the year’, having something to ‘...look forward to’ in every quarter??

Taking regular breaks from work is necessary, especially if you have a disability or long term? health condition . It's necessary to give ourselves enough time to rest and recuperate. Remember, you should never feel guilty for needing these breaks because you deserve the time to recover.?

If someone's had a number of absences related to their disability – or they're likely to – they might need reasonable adjustments. What's considered 'reasonable' depends on the circumstances. Reasonable adjustments are specific to an individual person, and you can read more about this at ACAS.

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1. Take short breaks through the day:

Taking regular breaks throughout the day is important. Our bodies and minds did not evolve to continuously stare at bright screens or sit in office chairs. It's not healthy for our physical well-being or our mental health. I’d encourage people to schedule short breaks into their working day, including prioritising time for a nutritionally complete meal eaten away from our desk.?

At an organisational level, collaborating within teams to develop initiatives for socialising, downtime (e.g., grab a coffee together) or light exercise throughout the day might all be worth considering. Many companies have provided subscriptions to mindfulness or meditation apps that can help people relax, take a break in the present moment and reduce stress. You can also find lots of free mindfulness and compassionate mind resources here.?

1. Set clear boundaries around work

If work is constantly encroaching on our personal time, then it might be time to make some changes. These boundaries can be within us (e.g., making a commitment to not answer emails after 5pm) or setting limits with others (e.g., making it clear to our team that we won’t be responding to emails after 5pm). It's helpful to think about the way you communicate when setting these boundaries. Make sure to do it confidently and directly, instead of being too passive or aggressive. Being assertive helps us to communicate our wants and needs with greater authority, while remaining respectful, fair and empathetic. If the idea of setting limits at work feels daunting, then why not start with just one change??

If we notice that setting healthy boundaries is tricky, then it might be something to explore through talking therapy. Difficulties setting healthy limits with yourself can be linked to things like ‘self-criticism’ (e.g., thinking “I'm so stupid”), low self-esteem or anxiety (e.g., being afraid of making mistakes), feeling inadequate at work - despite being successful in many ways - and difficulties in relationships or with intimacy (that can be avoided by working long hours). All of these concerns can be improved with support.?

1. Connect with friends and family:

Connecting with our friends and family can help us touch base with different perspectives. We can have a good time, but also lean on others for support, if we’re struggling at work. Simply reaching out through text, email, or phone to catch up with people we haven't talked to in a while can strengthen our relationships. It might seem small, but can have a big impact on wellbeing.?

Tread light here though. We know that prestigious careers, or successes at work, are often highly valued in certain families and communities. When people believe that career success is the most important goal in life, we can start to feel disconnected from our family and friends at times when we think we're not meeting certain professional standards, or if we simply choose a different path. Such fears of failure, or not wanting to be different, can lead us to make our whole lives about meeting work expectations. As a result, we may become so focused and driven that our identity becomes solely tied to our job and who we are at work.

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1. Eggs, baskets and ‘who am I beyond employee?’

Most of us judge ourselves on aspects of our life, our relationships with friends and family, our romantic partners, our job role, interests and hobbies, appearance, culture and place within our community. But if we put all of our eggs in one basket, for example the basket of being successful at work, we might encounter problems over time. While identifying closely with our career, or job role, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can leave us susceptible to distressing "identity crises" when we encounter challenges, or possibly experience burnout, job loss, and of course retirement.?

It might be worth taking a step back and reflecting on our identity more broadly. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we can get curious about this by exploring the differences between living a life focused on goals and living a life focused on values. When we prioritise living in line with our deepest values, it can lead to a more fulfilling, satisfying, and purposeful life overall. If you’re interested in exploring this idea a little more, you can find lots of free resources at ‘The Happiness Trap’ website.?

Some final thoughts:

Clearly, striking more of a work-life balance will be different for everyone. For some it might involve taking practical steps, like muting email notifications at the end of the work day. For others it might involve exploring deeper issues related to low self-confidence, anxiety, family or cultural dilemmas, experiences of disability or difference, or addiction. Throughout the blog, I’ve mentioned how therapies like ACT or mindfulness might be helpful tools as you consider your relationship with work. We know that other traditional approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), can also help us to challenge and change the thoughts and beliefs we have around work.?

It’s okay to not have our work and life in complete balance and equilibrium. Such imbalances can crop up for a whole host of reasons. If you think the support of an experienced therapist might help you explore and address some of these challenges, please do consider getting in touch with us.?

A note for employers:

Businesses that value and prioritise helping their staff with work-life balance have become highly desirable, particularly when it comes to attracting and keeping younger employees. It can cost around ￡30,000 and take up to 28 weeks to train a new hire. Considering this, it's important to focus on keeping your current employees content in work. By emphasising work-life balance, you can attract skilled individuals when hiring and improve employee retention rates. This approach saves time and money while ensuring you have a talented, refreshed and motivated workforce within your organisation. Compassionate leadership might be something to explore as you embark on making changes within your organisation.?

A recent study from Aviva shows that prospective employees are now valuing work-life balance more than the salary they earn. This change has occurred since the pandemic. Aviva's research reveals that 41% of workers are currently attracted to their jobs because of the work-life balance they provide, while 36% prioritise salary. The same study also found that almost 9 in 10 (88%) employees feel workplace benefits – other than salary - improve their overall happiness. These shifts in priorities highlight the increasing importance of finding (and incentivising staff to find) a good balance between work and their personal