The Work-Life Balance See-Saw

The topic "work-life" came up today as I was having lunch with a very good friend.  As working mothers and  fathers, we sometimes have that guilty feeling that we are not dedicating sufficient to our children.  

According to a recently study published by the American Sociological Review, 70% of Americans struggle with finding a work-life system that works for them.

I remember some years ago, working late and glancing at the clock in sheer horror. It was almost 5’oclock and my 6 year-old daughter was still in school waiting for me to pick her up.  Needless to say, I darted out the office, jumped in the car and drove like a mad woman. All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind-“School was over at 2:30 p.m. and she’s in school alone at that hour! I’m a bad mother!" I ended up in tears, sobbing.

I reached the school and Abi is happily playing with her friends.

Have you had a similar experience of being late to pick up your child after work or forgetting about a commitment you made to a family member or good friend, forgetting a birthday, an anniversary. You sometimes feel guilty! I went on a serious guilt trip!

One day I was participating in a training programme and I shared the very same experience with my colleagues and the facilitator said something that struck me- your work makes your daughter’s life comfortable, it provides her with a certain standard of living, so we must never feel guilty or badly because we have to juggle work and home. Of course don't overdo it at work.  That was the "Aha" moment for me.

Why is it when we speak of career and home balance, it is within a context where the scale is always tipped in favour of career? In other words, I have never heard anyone say “I need more balance in my life, I have to spend more time at work!” It's the home life that is always suffering.

Is it because we get the pay-cheque from work so we invest the time and energy? Is it because we seek self-fulfilment from our work? If we work long and hard we will be promoted? Or do we define ourselves by the work we do?

What if we were to invest more of our time and energy in our homes and personal relationships? What pay back or rewards may we receive? Probably better relationships and more fulfilling lives. In the end, when our time is drawing nigh, we will not miss the work, but we will miss the smile on the face of our husband, wife, daughter or son.

As a full-time mother, wife and manager, here are some lessons I learnt along the way:

• Wake up early. Getting up early gives you a sense of control over your day. You won't be rushing to get to work.
• Organize yourself at work. Get to work early and leave early. Every morning make a list of three tasks you want to accomplish. Prepare your to-do-list on the afternoon before you leave, for the following day.
• Assume ownership of your time. Manage distractions (like social media and idle conversations from the popular girl down the corridor who seems to have no work to do and always pops in your office) and stop procrastination. Learn to say “no” sometimes.
• Carve out time for your family each week . Go for dinner, ice-cream, have a family movie-night.
• Do routine things together as a family- take mini vacations, go to church or visit relatives or friends together, as a family.
• Get support. Whether for your chores, or  just good old moral support. Remember you are not superman or superwoman.
• Schedule some "me" time-take care of yourself, meditate, exercise, find a hobby.
• Schedule a date night with your other half. He/she will thank you for it.
• Ensure you share a least one meal together as a family, if not daily, weekly.

Even with the above tips, we must recognize that work is part of life and not separate and apart from it.  Sometimes we just need to focus more on work, for example when there is a project deadline approaching, and sometimes we need to just focus on home because the situation warrants it, for example illness, death, wedding, birth of a child, exams, or an important family event.

Work-life balance is a see-saw. "Balance" is whatever gives you peace of mind and makes sense for you at a given point in time. "Balance" is never balanced like a scale.

We can’t be innocent bystanders in our lives. Life does not just happen to us.  In spite of challenging circumstances, we can create a "balanced" life that leaves us feeling fulfilled. We all have a desire to do better, to be better. The only requirement is sheer motivation and determination. And I know we all have the capacity and power to create the balance we crave.

Charlene is a Human Resource Consultant and  Corporate Trainer. She is Managing Director of Conventus Consultinc and is still creating her "balanced" life.

In the words of her clients, her training programmes are "fun, inspiring and highly interactive". Her training programmes has a 100%  satisfaction rate. 

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