Work-Life Balance Has Failed You (feat. Arnold Schwarzenegger)

I am of the belief the concept of work-life balance is the actual source of stress and discontent in many people. The constant search for it creates a fractured view of life, leads to dissatisfaction with work and ultimately leads to deep seeded feelings of resentment and/or being unfulfilled in your life. I am truly sorry to tell you this, but the narrative you have been sold is failing you.

In recent years, the pursuit of work-life balance has become akin to a modern quest for the Holy Grail—a seemingly elusive promise of a perfectly proportioned life where work and personal activities are all in our full control, neatly compartmentalized, and offering us the best of both worlds without any interference from one to the other. Please allow me a moment to be the alternative voice in the room to say, this will lead you to a very unhappy place. It is also a bunch of BS. An impossible feat to accomplish at all times.

...this pursuit may inadvertently contribute to the very stress it seeks to alleviate...

Although well-intentioned, this pursuit may inadvertently contribute to the very stress it seeks to alleviate, leading to job dissatisfaction and a feeling of unfulfilled desires. The premise of work-life balance is rooted in the conceptualization of work as a separate, and often negative, component of our lives that must be balanced against the more desirable aspects of our existence—family, friends, hobbies.

?...it’s the forced separation that causes you the pain.

What if we were to shift our perspective and view life as a seamless blend of all its components? One where work offered us opportunity to do other things in our lives we love, one where work was a beacon of self-respect and success, one where we found growth inside ourselves, one where work was part of this thing called life versus separate from it. You see, it’s the forced separation that causes you the pain. Would it not be more fruitful to integrate than have a constant negative scavenging for what is, frankly, imperfect? And let’s be honest, I’ve seen some of you with your families, and with your friends, perhaps they are the obstacle, and work the respite. Yes, truth stings. But honestly, what If you considered just how completely integrated this all is and viewed it simply one - as life.

This is...a cycle that we must engage in continuously as our circumstances and priorities evolve.

Research comparing traditional work-life balance with more integrated approaches suggests that individuals who view their work as a meaningful part of their lives tend to have higher job satisfaction and less stress and burnout. The idea is that work can enrich your life. In 2021, Professors Ioana Lupu & Marya Ruiz-Castro provided research cited in Harvard Business Review, suggesting “this is not a one-time fix, but rather, a cycle that we must engage in continuously as our circumstances and priorities evolve.” And Jessica Lutz, Forbes, states, “the idea of balance is an unattainable standard that results in an almost constant feeling of failure.”

"This antagonistic view can lead to a mindset where work is seen as a necessary evil that must be endured to enjoy our 'real life.'" ~Steve Parker Jr.

The traditional view of work-life balance entails a binary opposition between work and life, suggesting that the two are inherently in conflict and that the presence of one detracts from the other. This antagonistic view can lead to a mindset where work is seen as a necessary evil that must be endured to enjoy our 'real life.' However, this mindset overlooks the possibility that work can be as fulfilling and integral to our identity and life satisfaction as personal relationships and hobbies.

"If you want to win, there’s absolutely no way around hard work.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

Recently, I watched the three-part Arnold documentary on Netflix. In it, the Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger says a few things that really resonated with me on this topic.

• Ignore Naysayers - those that tell you, “You can’t do this or that.” For example, you can’t be a great Mom and have a great career. That’s BS. Yes, you can!
• Work your butt off – “if you want to win, there’s absolutely no way around hard work.” You have to put in the time, so when you work – work hard.
• Give back – “helping people will bring you more satisfaction than anything else.” Consider how you can be a leader or a mentor to someone at work to help them grow. There’s great satisfaction in that.

The alternative view of life as an integrated whole, where work is just one of many elements that contribute to our identity and happiness, allows us to see the fullness of life and therefore balance takes on a new meaning. It's no longer about compartmentalizing our lives into discrete fragments or striving for an equal distribution of time across different activities all the time. Instead, it becomes about finding harmony and fulfillment in the totality of our experiences.

"When my dad died...the world was still spinning...work was exactly the opposite of what I was experiencing in family life...I'm appreciative of the work I was able to do then." ~Steve Parker Jr.

Personally, I was frustrated for years attempting this balance. Then I realized this is all just nonsense. I determined that separating every conceivable part of life was where fracture and frustration manifest and grows. Why would I want to allow for that?

I’ll give you a very personal example. When my dad died, I was very sad about losing him at the early age of 62. That day, that week, of course created changes in my schedule. But I didn’t change everything. I kept some of my calls and meetings; I responded to several important emails. And yes, I cancelled a few too. But I didn’t just shut the doors on this thing called work. In fact, I found work to not be a thorn at that time, but rather a place to find structure and a daily glimpse of opportunity. A healthy place where I could engage and not have to be fully focused on the reality of death. Afterall, the world was still spinning, everyone else was going to the grocery and ballgames and whatever else was important that day. Work was exactly the opposite of what I was experiencing in family life at that moment. And I was plenty in tune to family at that time as well. Had I fully separated it I do believe I would have been overwhelmed with the thoughts that run amok for all of us when we can’t control a situation. And I’m appreciative of the work I was able to do then.        

An all-inclusive approach to life itself is a complex tapestry woven from various threads—work, family, friends, hobbies, and personal growth. Each essential to the strength and beauty of the tapestry, and rather than trying to isolate them, we should focus on how they can complement and enhance each other. Work can be a source of personal growth, satisfaction, and social connection, just as hobbies can inspire creativity and innovation in our professional endeavors, and relationships can provide support and motivation.

Life is dynamic, and our needs and priorities change over time.

Additionally, this perspective allows for a more fluid and flexible understanding of balance. Life is dynamic, and our needs and priorities change over time. There may be periods where work takes precedence, driven by passion, career goals, or necessity, just as there may be times when personal or family needs dominate. Viewing these fluctuations not as failures to maintain balance, but as natural variations in the rhythm of life, can reduce stress and increase our sense of contentment.

?Because in fact – work is also life not some separate organism.

By embracing a comprehensive view of life where work is an integral part of our existence, we can move beyond the dual opposition of work versus life. Because in fact – work is also life not some separate organism. This approach encourages us to find value and fulfillment in all aspects, recognizing that harmony is not achieved by separation and balance but by integration and fulfillment. When we stop viewing work as a barrier to living and start seeing it as a vital component of our lives, the entire concept of work-life balance is transformed into a more fluid and satisfying pursuit of life's harmony, or in the simplest of terms – life.

...time management, reflecting on what is most important and being true to that is key to your joy.

For the record, managing time and energy and where that is time and energy is focused is most critical to your joy. For some of us we may be in a season to need to step back in a role, not take a promotion or change our visions of what work success means (i.e. be less demanding to goals or even lower them) to achieve or realize that dream – a harmonious life. For others, the opposite may be true. Either way, time management, reflecting on what is most important and being true to that is key to your joy.

I hope you find my perspective offers a refreshing and holistic approach to the often-discussed concept of work-life balance. By reframing work as an integral part of life rather than a separate or opposing force, we can construct a portrait that emphasizes harmony, integration, and fulfillment across all life’s domains.