Work Life Balance : Get it easy

There has been a lot of talk on this problem but never have we found a practical solution. It's baffling that a problem which affects pretty much every working person on this planet has remained unsolved despite all the tools available all across the globe.

In my efforts to decode the problem - I stumbled upon an intriguing fact.

What if the problem never existed!!

Maybe we have simply developed the concept (of a problem) to blame for our constant disgruntlement in matters official or otherwise.

This would also explain the failure to find a solution as you can't solve a problem that doesn't exist, can you!!!

A few decades back, not many had heard of this problem. So, to understand how it all began, let’s take a look at the probable genesis of this concept (I don’t call it a problem anymore). This shall put things in perspective for all of us to find our ways out of it.

The 3 basic needs (food, clothing & shelter) were defined for survival. It continues to be relevant and will always be. However, striving beyond survival differentiates humans from the rest and there lies the unending quest for acquiring more n more wealth & fame (and the objects/ pleasures that come as a package). Over centuries, this quest has become a part of our DNA and we are no longer able to differentiate it from the basic needs. As and when this quest becomes overbearing - it pushes us away from the classic definition of a happy life. One tends to allocate higher bandwidth (physical & mental) to professional tasks than personal (self/family/friends) & the seeds for this 'Work-Life balance' conundrum are sown.

One doesn't realize the implications till something goes wrong at either of the two fronts i.e. Professional & Personal. We will try to summarize this under two scenarios.

Scenario 1: 

Unhappy situation at work: More often than not, it’s impossible to correlate misses/failures at work with specific incompetency.  Since quality reasons are difficult to ascertain, the quantifiable ones are the easiest to conclude upon i.e. insufficient effort/ commitment. Solution -  work ‘harder’ and that invariably means ‘longer’.

If the situation improves - we are convinced that hard-work was the key missing link ...more of it has brought better results. Ironically, even if it doesn't improve - we are still convinced that even more hard-work is required ... keep pushing the hours till the impact is seen. As a result, regardless of impact, this so-called 'hard-work' keeps increasing with time.

Scenario 2:

Unhappy situation at home: Again, we mostly fail to pinpoint any personal shortcoming that could be causing stress at home. Thus, it also gets blamed on lack of effort/ commitment and invariably translates into increased 'longing' for more attention/ time for personal matters. This 'more' attention and time needs to be squeezed from the professional domain – a stressful task in itself. Those who succeed in this are often able to improve the personal situation on hand but rarely does it become permanent. Having found this solution once, these people are conscious of the great shift they have made and the moment profession throws more challenges - these are the first ones to blame their struggle on this shift. Thus, the reverse shift also happens and far more vigorously than earlier.   

Going by above, the 'Work-Life Imbalance' seems a natural phenomenon. Then what's the fuss all about!!!!

Well, the fuss has to do with following mental blocks …

1.   Guilt: Of not having best of both worlds or unable to give your best to both.

2. Clarity: Of not knowing which world is where! (the blurred boundaries between Personal & Professional)

3.  Confusion: Priorities all mixed up. Unable to make long-lasting decisions on what's more important & what's the price one is willing to pay for it!

4.  Self-victimization: Knowingly/ unknowingly many of us are playing victims. Some only do this to be a member of the fraternity suffering from ‘work-life imbalance’ as it also happens to be a measure of how dedicated you are to the job! One may be deemed less sincere if he/ she portrays a good ‘work-life balance’.

5.  Blame game: The easiest of all games e.g. unable to find an intelligent solution to a relationship problem...just blame it on work-stress! 

There can be a few more but they would be linked to one or more of the above.

As is evident, all these mental blocks are hollow… it shouldn’t be too hard to break the shackles if you honestly find the one you belong to.

So, you have diagnosed your category or maybe not. Let’s take further help in diagnosis with the following reference to the stage of one’s career.

A.  Initial years – Entry level or maybe just one level up

B.  > 5 years and/ or One to Two levels up

C.  >10 years and /or Two to Three levels up

D.  > 15 years and/or Two to Four levels up

E.  > 20 years and/ or Three levels up to Top level

This sequence has a sort of inverse relationship with the earlier sequence of mental blocks e.g. in the early to mid part of your career, you are most likely to be in categories 4 or 5 (self-victimization, blame game) and as you move closer to the Top, it becomes more of 1 & 2 (i.e. Guilt, Clarity).

Considering which stage you are in, it would be easier now to diagnose your mental block.

Having almost got the diagnosis, the treatment is relatively the easier part. As humans, we are blessed with the ability to find a solution so long as we are clear about the root cause of any problem.

Read on if you need more assistance with the treatment part.

Part II

A. Assessing the impact of this imbalance is another way to finding the solution. Following five are the most affected aspects in this context.

1. Kids

We have seen rich kids blaming parents for being too busy and not giving enough time to family and thus making parents responsible for anything and everything that’s going wrong in their life. On another hand, we have examples of people sticking to stable family lives at the cost of professional success (not taking transfers/ promotions). Many of such parents often have little assistance to offer for higher studies or for pursuing any special talent. Though the popular opinion would show the later to be a better kind of parent, there is no practical credibility to such a belief. How do we determine whose loss is bigger! The child with hands-on parenting and meager financial support Or the one with minimal parenting but adequate financial support!!

In both scenarios, it’s equally probable for the concerned child to not realize his/ her full potential. However, given that financial deficit can be overcome and parenting deficit can’t, my personal vote also goes with the popular vote.

2. Spouse

Spouse situation is a little too dynamic to sum up in this space. Work-Life balance has different meaning for couples in different situations such as ….

a.    Both are working with similar job pressures & income level

b.   Both are working with different job pressures & income level

c.    Both are working with similar or different aspiration level

d.   Only one is working – other is a homemaker by choice

e.    Only one is working – other is a homemaker ‘not by choice’

f.     DINKS

g.    ……this list can be very long

The smart thing is to identify the exact category a couple fits into. Then introspect (as individuals and then as a couple) as to which mental blocks they need to work upon.

3. Health

4. Parents

5. Friends & Relatives

When delved upon, each one of the above examples (separately/ collectively) would come back to the mental blocks mentioned earlier.

Simply put, we have to assess the consequences of our choices that we make today (in fact this is true for the life in general) and choose the one with most desirable consequences.

B. Another way to find a solution is to make a very informed choice when it comes to the biggest motivator of all i.e. money. Seen in direct correlation with Time, one needs to choose his/ her motivator from below. 

a.   Lots of Money – Less of Time

b.   Lots of Time – Less of Money

c.   Lots of both – Time and Money

d.   Some of both – Time & Money

e.   Hopping from a. to b. and b. to a. and hoping to get to c. (youngsters often fancy this).

f.   None of the above ….

‘Money’ represents overall career prospects and not just the currency. We are ignoring those rare situations when monetary gains are not in tandem with career progression.

It may not be possible to make a lifelong choice in one instance. However, you will often reach crossroads where making this choice will help choose the best way forward. What helps really is that the choice you make has a buy-in from all stakeholders. And this shouldn’t be a presumed buy-in ….it has to be a well-discussed one. Seems a little too formal for most family environments but it’s worth every bit of effort. Even if the discussion ends in disagreement – it’s a lot better position to be in than not having discussed at all. Not only this helps to know each other’s expectation but it’s amazing how much you will come to know what you expect from yourself!

Equipped with this clarity of thought – go on to make the best of what life has to offer. It’s no sin to be at the top of corporate ladder … but the sooner you want to climb, the more you have to prioritize. And it’s no sin either to soak in the pleasures of your loved ones’ company, all the time…. but you all must be ready & happy to have a simpler future than the fellas going for the kill.

Or you can decide to gamble. Just like any other gamble, you do have a chance (however minuscule!) to get the best of both worlds (best of relationships and best of money). The risk you need to accept is ending up with the worst of both worlds (strained relationships and little money to show for it).

The crux is, do whatever you do …just do it as a conscious (& collective) choice. As long as you pursue your priorities consciously – you will never be a victim, thus always in control.

I conclude by reminding ourselves that ‘Work-Life imbalance’ is our own creation. We have created this imbalance by making work & life alien to each other. There is a lot of life in work and there is lots of work in life. More life you put in the work – more the success. More work you put in the life – more the joy.