Work Hurt and Forgiveness in the Workplace

A few years ago I learned of a particularly difficult situation that a leader of an organization was facing. One of his employees was bitter, and the bitterness was poisoning leadership and operations. The employee felt wounded, and the bitterness spilled over into insubordination and divisiveness. If he didn’t address it, it would seriously affect the organization.

It’s my belief that traditional coaching and best practices rarely address unforgiveness. We focus on communication, growth, and strategy – but not what to do with our wounds. And let’s face it, work hurts.

• Getting overlooked for a promotion or opportunity for development
• Favoritism or nepotism in the workplace
• Being judged or treated unfairly
• Misunderstandings and hurt feelings
• Rude or malicious coworkers

Take a moment to think about some of your “work hurt” – within 15 seconds you probably have a reel of offenses scrolling through your mind. Fresh memories and old memories. They all sting.?

Now, take 60 seconds to think about the times you may have wounded people. Perhaps you had good intentions, but they were misinterpreted? Maybe you were curt when you should have been kind? Or, were you the one to judge others or ignore someone looking for justice?

The tricky thing about human nature is that we are more likely to hold others accountable, but excuse our own actions. It’s known as “attribution error” which “refers to an individual's tendency to attribute another's actions to their character or personality, while attributing their behavior to external situational factors outside of their control” (read more here in Harvard Business Review ). If we were to look at this on a scale it would tip dramatically: it’s a lot easier for us to hold grudges against others, than to acknowledge our own role in creating pain.?

Let’s return to your work hurt.?

Have you ever considered how holding on to your “hurt” is hurting you?

According to Karen Swartz, M.D., the director of John Hopkins’ Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic, “There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed.” Heart rate, blood pressure and immune response are all affected (I encourage you to read more here). “Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.”

What is the antidote?

Forgiveness.?

Forgiveness has a positive effect on your health, and the health connection only gets stronger as you age. Let this sink in - forgiveness reduces risks for major and chronic health conditions! It has such a dramatic impact on your health, because the heart is integrally connected to our bodies. Hurting hearts lead to hurting bodies.?

Here’s the tricky part. When you choose to harbor unforgiveness, it doesn’t change the past or make the pain go away - you just decide to carry it with you. Marianne Williamson said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.” Holding on to unforgiveness is holding us back from embracing healing from our wounds and trauma.?How do we stop drinking the poison?

Forgiveness:

• Is an act of the will and posture of the heart
• Is a choice to let go of our will to judge
• Makes room for justice

Forgiveness does not:

• Excuse wrongs committed by another
• Ignore the hurt
• Require reconciliation
• Seek vengeance

The first step to addressing work hurt and unforgiveness is acknowledging that it exists. It’s not something we can identify on a personality matrix, teach in a communication workshop, or unearth in a strategy session. Yet it is a personal and organizational poison.?

Here’s a spoiler - you can’t run from pain and unforgiveness, because it will follow you even if you leave your workplace.?

How is holding on to your work hurt, hurting you or others? Are you ready to take some steps to address your work hurt? Let’s explore some strategies for healing in the next article.?

#organizationdevelopment #workhurt #conflict #toxic #trauma #growth

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SOURCES:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

https://positivepsychology.com/explanatory-styles-optimism/?

https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/the-fundamental-attribution-error?