The words we use with our children

Communication

Communication is complex; we use verbal, non-verbal, visual and written forms when we communicate with one another. All parts of communication we choose and the way we communicate has the power to influence how those around us feel about themselves, as well as how others may feel about them or a topic.

If I tell you?do not think about a monkey riding a blue elephant?– what did you do? For many of you, you thought of it, right? This is due to our neuro linguistic programming (NLP) – we all have preferred systems of learning and processing information we receive (Dent, 2018). In relation to the way we communicate NLP often means nonliteral words are not processed by the mind and an alternative message is often received to what our intent was (Dent, 2018). Some of the phrases that may be used throughout our day with children that means their NLP system came into effect and caused their subconscious to do exactly the opposite of what was intended (Dent, 2018) are:

“Don’t run inside”

“Don’t throw sand”

“Don’t draw on the wall”

This choice in language also has the power of creating negative thought concepts with children, as we establish a mental representation of what we?don’t want, and often sets one up to fail (Dent, 2018). When we upgrade our language to be?specific?and?action-based?it improves our ability to communicate with the children in our care and improve outcomes (Dent, 2018). Next time a child is about to do something try changing your technique to what you would like them to do rather than what they shouldn’t:

“I see you want to run; let’s go outside where we can do this safely”

“If you would like to throw something, let’s go find the balls”

“Here is some paper you can draw on”

The Early Years Learning Framework (EYLF) identifies the importance of communication to a child’s sense of belonging, being and becoming. The role we play as educators to support this learning outcome for children is to:

• Model language and encourage children to express themselves
• Model explicit communication strategies to support interactions and ways to engage in play with others

(Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations [DEEWR], 2009)

Reframing your words

One technique we can adapt into our practice, which most of us already do without even knowing is reframing behaviour with the words we choose (Care for Kids, 2021). The value in this technique is changing our own perspective from a negative deficit to positive. Instead of viewing the actions and behaviour of a child as disruptive, look beyond to identify if a need is unmet: Are they tired? Hungry? Unwell? Needing connection? (Care for Kids, 2021).

Other considerations to our communication method are:

• Avoid labelling
• Work out a way to get things done – together:?“I see you’re busy doing your puzzle right now, how about I come back in 5 minutes and see if you are ready for lunch then?”
• Help them solve their own problems:?“How can we help fix this? Do you think we could build it again?”
• Avoid always taking the lead
• Provide just the right amount of help as needed:?“You want help with your shoes? What do we need to do first?”
• Accept?all?feelings
• Use positive language
• Help them to make amends:?“What could you say to tell them you’re finished playing that game?”
• Engage cooperation

(Davies, 2022)

The benefits

So, who benefits when we reframe our language and communication? We all do. As educators we will feel more in control during these situations, as using?do?words instead of?don’t?words means less repetition and less disruption. The words we choose will be modelled to the children, who in turn will begin using this language with one another during conflict.

Time to reflect

• Next time you go to respond, take time to pause and consider your response: Are you being clear about your expectations?
• How often do we use negative deficits when communicating with others?
• What phrases or words would you like to focus on changing in your communication? And how are you going to implement this change in yourself – and others?

References

Care for Kids. (2021, April 13).?NLP in early education. Retrieved from Care for Kids:?https://www.careforkids.com.au/.../nlp-in-early-education

Davies, S. (2022).?How to stop saying “no” forever + what to say instead. Retrieved from The Montesorri Notebook:?https://www.themontessorinotebook.com/stop-saying-no.../

Dent, M. (2018, March 26).?The power of words to make a difference at home or school. Retrieved from Maggie Dent Blog:?https://www.maggiedent.com/.../the-power-of-words-to.../

Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations [DEEWR]. (2009).?Belonging, Being and Becoming: The Early Years Learning Framework for Australia.?Australia: Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations. Retrieved from?https://files.acecqa.gov.au/.../belonging_being_and...