In the Words of Rihanna, Tell Your Friends to Pull Up
Viva Asmelash
Co-Founder | Workplace Consultant | Equity + Inclusion | Employee Experience | Internal + External Comms | Leadership Training + Development | Speaker + Facilitator | Mental Health Advocate
This might make some people mad. At first that scared me a little, but it’s also proof to myself that I’m leaning into courage. I trust that I have enough social and professional capital within my network to say what needs to be said. I am writing this for myself, and for those who agree with me, but can’t freely say so.
Soon after I woke up yesterday, I learned about Breonna Taylor and Nina Pop for the first time, and wept. The tears were coupled with a knot in my stomach—a knot made of tiny, insidious seeds of hate. And, for me, the realization that there was actual hate bubbling inside me only multiplied the hurt.
I took the morning to unpack my feelings, and begin to understand where that hate stemmed from. No surprise—it’s hate for the war that is still being waged on the Black community; hate that (as wonderful and supportive as they are) most of my beloved colleagues will never really know what it’s like to wake up to this feeling, then be expected by society to go on about your day.
Lastly, there was another component—the deep disdain for the palpable silence from those I once counted among my closest friends.
I love my work and feel blessed to be encouraged by my team and company to share my perspectives truthfully; I wish that feeling extended into the rest of my life. So, I’m taking to the written word, and correcting that in my personal life. If you’re white or benefit from white privilege (like some Asian folks do), I’m sharing this in hopes you’ll reflect on how you show up both with and for BIPOC in your life—the same way I will on behalf of any other marginalized group.
You’re hearing it here first.
Here’s my general “reclaiming my time” message to past, current, and future friends; the major reasons I’m done engaging with any non-BIPOC who don’t (at the very least) speak out against racial and social injustice.
- Time is valuable. I want to spend it the best way I can. You no longer get access to my time, friendship, and/or emotional effort if I’m not abundantly clear on your stance with these issues. I don’t wanna shoot the shit about old times or swap gardening tips or dating stories just for the sake of it. If you see anyone who looks like me being mistreated (which is basically everywhere, all the time) and aren’t even a fraction of how angry you’d be if it were me, then I’m cool on you. Rihanna said it best.
- Emotional safety is a priority. Your continued silence makes our relationship feel less safe for me. Period.
- Boundaries are life. I’m done coddling you. Outside of my employer branding and inclusion work (which I love, am exceptional at, and is super important to me) I’m not here to teach you how to be a better human. Just like you, I’ve got my own life to tend to. Plus, same as me, you’ve got Google access, so hop to it.
- You (yes, you) owe it to the Black community. Every single non-BIPOC person I know benefits from Black excellence in some way. You can’t continue to drain communities of color of literally every single resource—physical and emotional labor, innovative tech and science vision, business acumen, culinary genius, music, style, and art—without any modicum of personal accountability or reckoning.
- Proximity or lust do not equal respect. Finding a Black person attractive and/or having a relationship with them (or even a child with them) does not ever give you a pass, make you “woke” or exempt from this work. Similarly, neither does the prevalence of Black people in your life. I mean, I am an Eritrean-American woman and I’m even currently reconciling my own lifetime of indoctrination into white supremacy culture. There’s no progressive “destination” to arrive at, especially for non-BIPOC. On this topic, the unlearning never stops, and (let’s be honest) most of y’all haven’t even started.
- It’s played. I’m exhausted from watching our gifts, hard work, and talents repackaged or watered down, then attributed to some other group of people who reap rewards or accolades off our greatness, but don’t ever have our collective backs when it counts. I see it happen daily, in even the most subtle of ways. Damn, the Kardashians basically built a freaking empire off it, and it’s tired. Create your own dope shit, and quit claiming credit for what doesn’t belong to you.
- Fully see us. Being unwilling to talk about (or even think about) race means you’re choosing not to see me or my family for our entire human experience. Sit with that for a moment and let it really sink in. How would you feel if someone, including your own government whose salaries you contribute to, regularly ignored or discounted your humanity? I’m guessing you’d sometimes wake up with hate in your gut, too.
Beyond sharing this list, I’m not going to end this with any hopeful or enthusiastic call to action; I’m too angry for that. And you can do your part and research it.
I’ll just say this: if you have racial or ethnic privilege, your BIPOC friends are watching and waiting for you to make clear—to yourselves, to us, and to the world—that you won’t tolerate injustice.
May is also Mental Health Awareness month. To other BIPOC, take care of yourselves and reach out to folks for support, if and when needed. The realities of the external world can impact each of us in incredibly harmful ways, especially if internalized. Here’s one place to start.
Business Developer I Strategist I Leadership Coach
4 年Thank you Viva for putting into words what a lot of us BIPOC people feel and go through, this is such a needed conversation.
President CEO of Evelyn Hill Consulting and More
4 年Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this young lady and others who have been victims of injustice.
Workplace Culture - People Analytics - Diversity & Inclusion - Executive Leadership - Advisor - Silicon Valley Woman of Influence
4 年Thank you for sharing - super important to say and be heard!
Learning Consultant | Biological Sciences & Scientific Literacy Professor
4 年Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. It is a shame that many professional organizations shy away from these topics/horrors when this is exactly what their Inclusion and Diversity departments should be reminding employees of often. The hate and injustice can only end through confronting it, not ignoring it. Every time I hear someone say, "I don't see color. They (black folks) just need to stop bringing up race all of the time." It is painfully and frustratingly clear that they are part of the problem.